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I'm tired of pretending part 1

I wish nothing more than to quit this game of pretend
I want to go back to being me, and forget whatever happened
I play pretend
Like a little girl who plays dress up.
I play pretend
To be an innocent little girl again
I play pretend
To make everyone happy
To make everyone leave me alone
I forgot who I am.
Am I really this nice of a person who gets walked over excessivly?
Then why do I have another part to me, screaming to be let go of.
To be let out...
Why is it whenever I let that half of me out even the slightest
People jump the gun and make me out to be a monster?
I am scared of that other half
I'm completely sure what she's like
I know that it is almost nothing like the other my other half
Why can't I be all of me?
I'm so tired of pretending.
I smile so much, my face hurts.
I smile so much I want to cry
I hate to smile.
False smiles, False laughs, and lies
That's how I play pretend.
"I swear I'm okay."
That's an empty promise.
I hate pretending
It kills me every day.
It makes me forget the other half inside
That claws and screams to get out.
It makes me forget the pain
Which only comes back later
Intensified, stronger, and more violent.
I'm tired of putting up with false friends
Who do nothing but accuse me
And point out my mistakes
Yell at me, and want to change me
Wanting to bend and break me
I'm tired of pretending
Of being so malluble just to make other people happy
But what about me, huh?
When will Samantha get her day to be happy?
When will Samantha get to be herself?
When can she stop playing pretend?
IF she can even stop playing pretend.
I'm tired of these false friends
With their invisible unknown strings set into my back.
I'm tired of puppet masters for friends
People are so stupid
They are so blind and trusting
They can never tell when I say a lie.
"I'm okay."
"No, it's fine, trust me."
I'm tired of making everyone else happy, except myself.
Why should I rely on people anyway?
They only dissapoint me in the end.
Love dissapointed me
Love betrayed me
Friendship stabbed me in the back
and they both lied to me.
What have I left?
Nothing really.
Music for one thing
My mind for another
But really, what have I left?
Nothing.
I'm tired of pretending...
I wish that I could stop...
But I've become so accustomed to it...
That it's become like a drug I can't quit.
Not to make me happy...
But everyone else around me happy.
And me all the more miserable.


Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014


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Lets be Civil

Listen to poem:
im awkwardly facing an officer, dont know what to expect
will we both jump the gun and start a civil unrest
will the tone of my skin be a story for press?
who’s the first to throw a stone with no sins to confess?
preachers and deacons finally come out to speak
but only when im dead and covered up in a sheet
where’s all the loving and the comfort for the mothers who weep
it happens on the daily children die on the street
it’s true this country does have crooked police
im not denying there arnt cops looking for people to beat
im not siding with those who hate the govern elite
i do firmly agree
that blacks are being a target to a certain degree
but being a people of freedom 
only gets infront of the goals that they’re trying to achieve
it’s alot much bigger than you probably think
what happened to john F kennedy and M L king?


Luke 23:32-43


Copyright © Marcel Jones | Year Posted 2017


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A Thankful Life

Time to think, a pondering, non action's prime.

Thank you Life for the always affirmative actions of folks with intent sublime.
~Thank you for the good intentions of the pure pacifist’s present lifetimes. 
~~Thank you for their prayers, non action relates richly random over time.

Thank you Heaven, they do not “Jump the Gun” an early expression, excerpt, crime.
~Thank you, this daft, deadly, denotation, fails; this mantra of sometimes.
~~Thank you, when the furious, fractious, fall in actions error aforetime.

Thank you Mother when waiting wonder, goes slowly, prayerful to Prime.
~Thank you Father as in action, breathe, beauty, brevity, pantomimes. 
~~Thank you All for the smiling, simpe, shining, days of springtime.

Thank You when the hate and horror heals and with the end of wartime.
~Thank You with the creation of many more merciful pastimes.
Enrich our earth journey with patience, prudence, providence, sublime.

Praise the people of peace for all of time.




Copyright © Debbie Guzzi | Year Posted 2010


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There Is No Time Like the Present

There is no time like the present
No occasion quite like now
The future waits in the wings
The past just took its last bow

There is no present like time
That fourth dimension keeps giving
Time is more than mere money
It's the currency of the living

Another moment like this will never be
Too bad it has already passed
If you blinked just now you missed it
How long did you think it would last?

Now is the time to seize the day
Carpe diem, the Dead Poets say
But what freshwater fish have to do with all this
Puzzles me in a way

The future will be here soon enough
But for now we are stuck in the present
You cannot jump the gun or backasswards run
Be you wizard, king or mere peasant

Yes, there is no time like the present
We must keep ourselves busy as elves
Do not waste a precious moment
Them reruns ain’t gonna watch themselves!

________________________________________

Written: March 24, 2016
For contest: Cliche
Sponsored by: Silent One


Copyright © Brian McClain | Year Posted 2016


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Sinful Saturday

Today is the day you really go out and play on sinful Saturday. Well I don't want to bring everybody in, It's about eight out of ten and I'm not trying to put you down so don't jump the gun and frown.

I know some are going to cut a rug and some are going to drink and drug, some will just go to fuss and fight because they don't appreciate anything nice. It's as if they were raised in a zoo, so stay away from that crew.

Now for those who go to dance and romance, if it's til broad daylight then that's alright, 'cause you worked all week and some pleasure you do seek. So forget about it all, have yourself a ball. Then come back at your peek, ready for another week. And how do I know the format, been there, done that.

This is why I'm not trying to cut to the quick, if you want to go to the click or have a lovely picnic, I pray you don't loose your way on this sinful Saturday.

HAVE A GREAT DAY.


Copyright © Milton Robertson | Year Posted 2016


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A Cashier's Crush

I can't seem to concentrate or even get my 
mind right. I'm losing sleep and suffer 
from a sudden loss of apetite. I'm shakin' 
in the heat and sweatin' in the snow and 
all the while this is happening, this girl 
don't even know that she haunts me in my 
dreams and I wake up in a sweat. She's like 
an old recurring dream that I just can't 
forget. I'm feeling like I'm ill, like I've 
caught some sort of flu. I feel like I could 
faint when she steps into my view. She's 
out of the ordinary; nothing like I've ever 
seen. It's like my heart plays the puppet 
and she's tuggin' on the strings. She's 
knows that she's a beauty and she's 
probably sick of hearing about it. But that's 
the drug that gets me lifted. Like a junkie, 
can't live without it. It's like an unspoken 
agreement that this girl is such a hottie. 
And the talk around the cooler is that man, 
she's got a body. Her hair flows for days 
and her eyes could cast spells. Soft skin 
like a pearl just released from its shell. Her 
voice is like a song sung only by those with 
halos. Plus she's got a booty similar to that 
of J.Lo's. But the thing that's really crazy is 
that we've never really spoken. We're still 
strangers and the "ice" has never really 
broken. There's this mystery about her 
that not only appeals to me, it makes me 
want her more because it feels so real to 
me. I pray that at work she's the one that 
works beside me. Then maybe I could 
reveal these feelings I have that eat inside 
me. But I don't wanna jump the gun or get 
ahead of myself but she has brought out 
all these feelings that for so long I haven't 
felt. I've gained a little wisdom as to how 
relationships go but I still wanna go old 
school and write little notes. I'll tell her 
that I like her and ask her if she feels the 
same. Check yes or check no. Don't forget 
to sign your name. But I gotta do 
something because I'm losing to much 
time. Before I know it she'll be gone and 
I'll be left wondering why. I just gotta say 
more than three words and things should 
be cool. I just hope that I don't stutter and 
end up looking like a fool. It's just when I 
look her in the eyes my mind starts to flip 
and all I can think to say is "uh, what's the 
code for chips."


Copyright © Paul Smythe | Year Posted 2012


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What You Never Meant

One word misinterpreted
Conveys the wrong intent
And what you said gets twisted
Into what you never meant.

For sometimes we may jump the gun,
Prepared to be rejected,
And can’t absorb a message
Different from the one expected.

It’s possible for someone
To feel angry, bruised or hurt
By a word or two that somehow
You allowed yourself to blurt.

In situations such as this,
It’s better to explain;
There isn’t very much to lose
And much that you can gain.

Communication’s often marred
When it’s not face to face,
But simple explanations help
Both parties to embrace.


Copyright © ilene bauer | Year Posted 2013


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Friendship is gone

After eight years it is over
Im No longer beside ya
Your friendship is gone
For this I do long

To get and be gotten
Your never forgotten
Your friendship is gone
For this I do long

Your thoughts could calm 
My thoughts of harm
Your sweet embrace and delicate taste
I crave these things that are now just
A sweet dream

I can't share my thoughts with you
I can't tell you I miss you
But my thoughts are still with you 
Even now I'm no longer beside you

To be friends once again to be
Able to mend the friendship I lost
What would it cost

I know it can't be done
Your friendship can't be won
But if it could,I would run
And I'd jump the gun.

But our friendship is gone
I now stand on my own
No thoughts we can share
Even though I still care.

I'm no longer beside ya.


Copyright © Mike Hobson | Year Posted 2012


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The Missing

                                                                                                                                                    
  
                                                        
                    
                       I look into my reflection hoping to find her lost looking for her way 
back home.
                                            All I see is a stranger in a familiar body.
                       She hears me cry out to save me from my wounds, for her to 
convince me not to jump the gun.
                                             She tells me not to turn my back on my life.
                          I know she wants me to be strong and hold onto my life with a 
deathly grip.
                          She tells me to live it up until I die, don't look behind only look 
forward.
                          All is lost love, happiness, feeling alive. Numbness sets in my 
mind and body.
                                                    No feeling, no control, no will.
                    If she'd return she'd strengthen my weaknesses, she'd hold my hand, 
she'd show me the youth I forgot.
                  She was stronger than I she never wished to die, even when the seas 
were about to wash her away she'd say,
                                                  "Surfs up", to the tusnami coming her way.
                                   Will she return or is she on a permanent vacation of youthful 
adventure?
                She was always my better half, so sweet and innocent. Now darkness 
has covered me, it's swallowed me inside.
                             Will her brightness save me, or will she be forever missing? The 
missing.








Copyright © Amber Ouellet | Year Posted 2008


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Big Change of Plans

                                         BIG Change of Plans




Absolutely positive we knew what we were doing, we’d sneaked around…and I mean sneaked…for six or seven months,
Being oh-so-careful not to put ourselves at risk…certain she and I could beat the odds, when, all at once,

Daisy started throwing up, sometimes twice a day…had headaches far more frequently, and when it came to food -
Often had a craving for a few she rarely ate…or - couldn’t stand the sight of ones - depending on her mood!

A few weeks later other little tell-tale signs appeared.   Ones she wasn’t all that keen to bring to my attention.
She started out reluctantly, “Now, Kevin, don’t get mad…but something scary’s happened that I thought I’d better mention.

“I’ve missed my period twice now…get headaches all the time…and I’ve been feeling weak and nauseous almost every day.
Maybe I should ask the school nurse to check me out,” then stood there waiting nervously, to see what I would say. 

“There’s gotta be a better way,” I tried to hide my fear. “Aren’t there little test kits you can buy most anywhere?”
I could easily tell that both my disconcerting answer - and hitting her, unfairly, with my cold, expectant stare -

Had only made her more upset, and when I’d calmed a bit, I told her, “Listen, hon… I’m sure the nurse will be discreet.
We don’t want this gettin’ ‘round.   Definitely not before we both have had a chance to tell our folks and - faced the heat!”

“I agree completely,” she replied, “and if they feel that we’re not really ready for a child…we’ll have to choose.
You know how much I love you…and I’d marry you today, in spite of what - for doing so - you must admit…we’d lose!

“Amber Stone and Kelly Walker married last December.  Both dropped out of school their junior year…and you know why.
Their child was born in April…their folks are both dirt poor…and though he’s got a steady job, they’re barely getting by!

“No diploma…either one…and little help from home…Amber said, at first, she’d planned to give their kid away,
But Kelly had such confidence they’d make it on their own, he changed her mind, 
and now she says she’s glad he did today.

GEDs can get ya’ by in little towns like Oxford, but if ya’ plan to make it big you need to raise your site.
I’m certain, if I’m pregnant - that my folks ‘ll try like hell to talk me into doing what I’m sure they’ll think is right.

“They’d rather have me terminate the pregnancy, I’m sure, than marry young - have a child - and never finish school.
And when I look at all the girls that did what Amber did, it looks as though it’s pretty hard to argue…as a rule!” 

“To me it doesn’t matter what your parents have to say,” I countered her, 
“‘cause, honey…this is up to me and you!
We’re in this thing together…and, before you jump the gun…let’s talk it out and give ourselves a chance to think it through.

“See the nurse on Monday morning.   If she says it’s, ‘Yes’…
we’ll decide ---  before we tell our folks  --- what’s best to do.
Mine ‘ll blow their tops as well.     They’ve warned me many times!   
They’ve told me tales of how it usually goes…and most are true. 

“Cody Schaefer got his girlfriend pregnant last July.  Her parents made her ‘end it’, but he hangs his head in shame 
Every time the subject of abortion comes to light.  He said they’d actually gone as far as picking out a name!

“There simply is no perfect way to fix the mess we’re in.  There’ll be regrets for both of us - of sorts - no matter what!
Abortion is the ‘easy way’, I guess, and….like you said….your parents will insist you have it done, and quickly, but,

“I’d prefer the six of us sat down and talked it out.  This changes things so drastically, it needs to be discussed, 
And if, in fact, the nurse confirms you’re going to have a child…you know we’re going to need advice from someone we can trust.

“The nurse, of course, will have to tell your folks, but if she’s nice…she’ll give us just a little time to tell them face to face.
We’ll tie the knot discreetly at the Justice of the Peace, then pool our funds and find ourselves an inexpensive place

“That we can pay the rent on, for at least a couple months, ‘til I can find an evening job an’ get us up and going.
I’m with you…we’ll do this right…but up ‘til classes end…let’s try, as long as possible, to keep the world from knowing.

“We’ve not a leg to stand on where our parents are concerned.   They told us not to mess with sex, but - we could not resist -
And now, at only seventeen, we’ll definitely lose some chances we know that other kids who’ve done the very same have missed! 

“There’ll be some major hurdles, dear, but when it comes to clearing them…I’m absolutely positive we can… 
But - looking for a man who’ll never leave you on your own - is something you won’t need to do, ‘cause, Daisy…I’m that man!”


Copyright © Mark Stellinga | Year Posted 2017


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Reflections on a Crime

A town in Georgia had a rash
Of crimes; the perp was bold and brash,
Destroying mirrors on the side
That automakers do provide.

The cops assumed that it was teens
‘Cause pranks are part of teenage genes
Until a neighbor strolling by
The mirror-basher did espy.

It wasn’t kids, but what occurred
Was vicious pecking by a bird
Who likely thought, as theories go,
His mirror image was his foe.

It goes to show, don’t jump the gun
Accusing teens or anyone.
When mirrors somehow end up wrecked,
That perp might just be one who pecked.


Copyright © ilene bauer | Year Posted 2017


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Eminem is My Friend

Eminem is My Friend

shed some skin
work for profit at the nearby gym
that's the way its always been
you need to be thin
look at the late Karen Carpenter anorexia
Hollywood can't live up to your perfect ideal
like Ally Mcbeal or Shaq behind the wheel
used to have Richard Simmons Deal a Meal
but that doesn't even appeal 
need to stand strong 

Eminem keeps closing in on his new found friend
we all have friends in low places Peyton faces
its a mass hysteria folks can't get near ya
a memory fades from those glory days of Springstein & the boys
today instead we got a lot of noise but that's by choice
we once were a renegade we had it made
to day we got one foot on solid ground with the other in the grave
twisted fashion jeans with rips down the side
what's the lady in waiting now wearing
don't try to scare them a need to pretend
Slim Shady just left for the Navy working on those rhymes as  a taste of gravy
props to the one who raised his voice to the masses
once this life is lived there can be no second chances
advances as the stereo pops boogy down to the socks homeboy do think a lot

Today we need to start thinking outside the box
it's not about fame, fortune or even Goldi Locks
homeboy does think a lot
we are making the mends creating the tide
Warhol sought for everyone 15 minutes of fame
we each shall shine
wine, dine &  69
The wave was the things  of the past today we just text
look for better ways to have sex
relax and bask in the vast expanse of realism
heroin someboy jump the gun in your arm sound the alarm
such an epidemic someone stop it

loose cannons in our ivory tower of power
some say he just a fucking liar
can't we take the steam up higher
it comes down to the wire
quest for fire
grant you your desire
a big house on ocean front property with a college degree
knocking them boots in the afternoon with a sleeze get you on your knees
some say the poet dreams to much but what do they even know
bust up the beat to increase the tempo
I got more ways to show

like a time bomb ticking away
let's all celebrate with the coexist crowd cause we get along
gone are the days we used to frolic in haze
today we are each a mouse stuck in a maze
be brave cause you got a great story to tell
out their living in your hell
shoot to thrill take your pills start paying your bills
good we took notice as many suffer glory in power
we each can learn something from my friend Eminem
got Tu & Biggie's back as he struggles dwn the Nile
burning rubber as a distant child running a bit wild
his name is getting bigger then lights
turn up the juice and egnite


Copyright © Mario Vitale | Year Posted 2017


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Untitled

White walls, light room
but inside it's dark and filled with gloom.
She tries to open up, tries to tell someone 
but no one seems to listen and she doesn't want to jump the gun
cooped up in this hole, she wants to be taken from.
Someone come and save this soul 
Someone come and save this one.

Lost in all confusion and wouldn't you be
stuck in this god-forsaken place where each day feels like eternity.
Wanting to escape, needing to get out
letting go of anger so she screams and shouts.

Can't you see she's lonely?
Can't you see her tears?
Her head is in her arms
hiding from her fears. 

The same song still plays in her memory 
"don't worry baby, it's how its got to be"
Images of that room, make her head spin
cold hands, touching feeling every inch of skin

Why didn't someone stop him?
Release me from this pain,
my whole life was just flushed down the drain.
Someone come and save this soul.
Someone come and save this one.

Can't you see she's crying?
Wondering why me, 
isn't there someplace else in life that I should be?
Can't you see she's crying?
Can't you see her tears?
Her head is in her arms, 
hiding from her fears. 


Copyright © J C | Year Posted 2009


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equation

I'm staying up too late
and still losing weight
and the lights are blazing
as my mind works this equation
no matter how I figure
the query raised grows bigger
it just doesn't add up
no, no sum sums it up

what did I overlook
in this lover's handbook
did I jump the gun
and end the long run
that first urgent kiss
that winter day of bliss
memories that still flare
when my mind visits there
it just doesn't add up
no, no sum sums it up


Copyright © Jo Bien | Year Posted 2010


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Next Time, Let's Not Jump the Gun



                                       the forward thinkers
                                       stayed behind to hear the sound-
                                       too smart to false start-

                                             Written:  5/31/17


Copyright © Richard Olson | Year Posted 2017