Best Heh Poems
Dear uncle, what can I say at the twilight of my life
about the things you did to me
About a time of my youth when I could barely talk,
let alone write poetry
We were family so I was told
as they gave away my bedroom
and accommodated you and your entire family
Backbone and boundaries words yet to be tasted
on a little girls silent muted lips...
I slept on a broken cot in the living room
with my cousin Nina
while you got to sleep in my soft bed.
I was the offspring of your wife's brother,
did that not mean anything to you ?
You pressed your old lips on hers
told her she tasted good
you made her weep
and cry, run away
and hide
Silent secrets festered
between you and I
You, an immigrant pedophile
who knew not the meaning of family
nor decency ...
Dear uncle,
You pressed my young lips with your salty ones
taking my innocence while mom lay on a hospital bed
miles away from home.
My other body guard, father and hero
was busy in the cellar,
funneling sweet wine to serve your bitter belly.
I tried to tell mom ages later beneath outstretched stars
but she said God spared her the knowledge
for she couldn't have handled the knowing, back then
as if it was all about her and not me.
Too bad God didn't spare that little girl uncle,
was she not worth it ? heh
At twelve years of age I picked up a pen
and I wrote about what I couldn't speak of
yes, I became a poet thanks to you !
I turned to verse like a hungry beast
with her tongue cut out.
As you lie in your grave,
do you remember the child in me?
do you recall the warm baths
you were denied access to ?
Thank God mom came home
and you and your entire family moved out
Do you remember that stone face girl with
the sepulcher mouth that said
that spoke with her eyes only, " keep out "
Do you remember me, Uncle G ?
Categories:
heh, abuse, analogy,
Form:
Free verse
After a long winter spell, the beauty of a spring day takes my breath away
its good when the trees stretch out their leafy green arms and say Heh
and the flowers after a long awaited hour push forth with brave hurray,
the beauty of the springtime, takes my breath away...
Hand painted bird houses hanging from a backyard, bathed in sunlight
Bluebirds, house wrens, chickadees, tree swallows and house sparrows
these are some of the beautiful creatures that come forward
to eat the bounty you have so lovingly prepared,
in springtime...
Little snowdrops, flowering Quince, daffodils and so much more
we shed our winter clothing and in sandals we are ready to explore
with carefree walks along the shore, we are ready to adore
every sweet day of sunshine, that comes our way.
Categories:
heh, appreciation, spring,
Form:
Free verse
What's happened here?
I asked,
I asked again...
and where to reclaim.
For I've lost something precious (so dear to me)
and someone or something's to blame
and will I be repaid in heaven's name?
To be sure, I'll find peace in justice, heh
justice in life..
heh!
Where to place it..
God, demon, mankind, or you?
Oh, such a shame to know
the fault could be all mine too...
swirled in murky shallows
can't fix it, can't face it
can never forget it
it is an injustice,
after all...
So dear friends, convince me
whim of justice, just isn't so
so I decided finally to
just let it go...
Categories:
heh, extended metaphor, judgement,
Form:
Free verse
The hunky man with tarzan zeal
had sexy buns made of steel
when he walked
the girls gawked
as they cried, Oh heh, can I feel ?
Categories:
heh, humor,
Form:
Limerick
(*Glossy and costly! Family name imprinted,(as if we did not want know
their first and last names? And surely no verse allowed!*)
(( But, I made this one up. Heh-heh!))
Sorry…we simply haven’t a second to call..
We are not cheap, oh, no, nothing like that at all.
Been traveling up and down this great state.
See our stunning picture, next to the Golden Gate?
That’s our Jenny, my, oh my, she’s so tall.
Ben and Tommy, as you see, play football!
Mom and I, are sure getting lots older…..
She’s already two inches below my shoulder.
Doggie Dan is a barrelhouse of fun.
See him there, chasing a cat in the sun?
Granny, nah, she ain’t in our picture.
Old and young~ heck, that’s no good mixture!
Do message us, if and when you can.
Nobody writes emails, they are….‘also rans.’
Limits on personal words, we know sound crazy.
Least to Grandma, who we know, one day.
Will soon be pushing up those daisies!
So bye, till next year, we’ll send more of these.
We just adore mulling about saying,” Cheese!”
Grandma wastes all her time at a poetry site?
Makes her feel good ~ better than being tight!
Love From All!
“The Cheeze-Its”
12/8/2022
Categories:
heh, family, fantasy, giggle, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
I can still hear the strumming of your mesmerizing guitar
And your soft, angelic voice captures me afar
I miss the times we used to dance around on the balcony in joy
As you would laugh and talk about every hot middle school boy
I remember the night you despondently sang me a song
In the pouring rain, the pulse of your spirit flew till the break of dawn
Your guitar still rings alive…then my heart feels dead
And I know that it’s just the sickening voices inside my head
When we were younger I would marvel at your unremitting beauty
We’d play our little games; I’d make you laugh when I had the opportunity
Ronnie would come storming in and we’d get all upset
Taking our Bratz dolls to “deer world” Haha…that I’ll never forget
And now you’ve come back to me after all these tears and fears
Maybe we’ll start over and catch up on all the dissipated years
Maybe you’ll play the guitar and bring back the beat of your beatific spirit
To sew back this heart of mine—heh, you’ve always had the knack to cure it
Though we never lost contact, I felt so freaking alone
Without your music, without your spirit, in the darkness I would roam
I love you very much and you know I always will
After all, you were my first friend…you know the drill
Though I never really expressed how much I appreciate everything we had
Though you’ve been through some crap, life doesn’t have to be so bad
Because I have you and I know your sun will always shine through
Because I was the moon, and your rays and strums kept me out of the blue
Categories:
heh, angst, art, dedication, depression,
Form:
Rhyme
Soooooo.... this is just a random song I made up, inspired by a wacky dream I had...which was inspired by the Undertale game. I've been obsessed with one of the characters who really likes....you guessed it.... Spaghetti!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A one, a two, A ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!-
Mettah couple creepers today,
A scary flower and a silly ghostay,
But all was bettah when I stopped at a table,
I couldn’t ree-sist, I wasn’t able
Cause there it was,
Right in the way~
A platter of the best spag heh heh taaaaaaaaaaayyyyy
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
Frozen and ready!
Someone's made it just for mee heeeeeeeee
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
I loveah good spaghetti!
Especially with a lottsah meeee-heaaat
Met a couple skellies today,
They told me that my voice was kinda prettay
I didn’t believe um but they seemed so sincere
I think that they had one too many ah beer!
Must go well with this pasta delish!
I might takah lick right off the dish! (really....? :/)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
Luke-warm and ready!
Someone's made it just for meee heeeeeeee (PARMESAN CHEESE!)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
I love a good spaghetti!
Especially with a lottsah meeee heaaat
TOMATO SAUCE--!!!!
--NOODLES!!!!!
MUSHROOMS--!!!!
GARLIC!!!!!!!
YUM!!!!!
GARLIC BREAD!!!!!!!
Turn up the music,
Strike up the band!!!!
Hell, these monsters got the beat of the land!
Make way for THE chef!
The Great Papyrus, high def!
Clear the floors,
Open the doors!!!
Cause there's always always always ROOM FOR MORE
Room for MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRREEEEE.... .
(Key change!!!!)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
Frozen and ready!
Someone's made it just for mee heeeeeeeee(random gospel lady: HALLELUJAAAAAH!)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
I loveah good spaghetti!
Especially with a lottsah meeee-heaaat
(One more time now!)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
Lukewarm and ready!
Someone's made it just for mee heeeeeeeee (HEARTBURN!---HURRAY!!!)
Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
I loveah good spaghetti!
Especially with a lottsah meeee-heaaat
Especially with lottsaaahhhh……MEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Balls!
: D
Categories:
heh, appreciation, crazy, dedication, food,
Form:
Lyric
Ok let's go up to the fire tower, talk with Ranger Ricky, Heh, heh,. What's so funny Harry. When I was a kid we use to watch the Ranger Ricky Show. He would run Popeye the Sailor cartoons and every week He would say "An a very Hap-py Birthday to the viewers."An a very Hap-py Birthday to Harry, he is 8 years old today.He helps his Mom around the house by doing the dishes and sweeping the floors. Morning Rick, morning Harry, I've been expecting you. I have some bad news, the avalanch started at the top of Demons Bluff. Your chances of finding those kids are slim and even slimmer finding them alive. There is some good news, 7 members of Killington Rescue have joined the search.That's great, the four of us have 2 advantages, we only have to climb 50 feet to the top of the mountain. Demons Bluff is on the otherside, down hill with very little snow
for 3 quarters of a mile. What's the secound reason asked Billy. Harry cooks as well
as he knows this mountain, he is an Ace Rick, stop! Alright, I have 5 thermo-laser poles, should we bring the 5th one. Yep, I'll carry it.
To be Cont.
Author's note: This all took place in less than a 5 minute span if you think we were Dilly-dallying
Categories:
heh, life, nature, birthday, morning,
Form:
Narrative
O How Great It Is...
To be alive on this day!
Heh, Most unlike you!
You're Deader then dead
Just like the wooly mammoth,
Who's also your dad
I'm alive in space!
Without a care or worry...
I'm forever free.
Remember highschool?
Well, I haven't forgotten.
But you have, my dear
You rejected me!
But not privately, mind you!
No, that'd be too nice...
Had to be cruel...
You told them all when I asked.
And I was left, mocked
But space is so kind.
Unlike your now burning Earth.
Fighting my cyborgs?
Sorry for the mess.
Death Stars aren't too accurate...
They get the job done.
Well, England is gone.
Your most favorite city.
I burned it myself.
I'm truly happy
Yep, I'm just floating in space.
Yes, Yes... I'm damn sure.
I do NOT miss you.
Or the goddamned earth, either.
Just stop guilting me!
No... I'm not happy.
I'm just alone in deep space.
I'm Watching you burn.
Please forgive me, miss.
I was so jealous, old friend
I was just so hurt.
I feel terrible.
Like I'm Ozymandias
Only, I despair.
Categories:
heh, anger, death, death of
Form:
Haiku
"Camptown Races sing this song, Do Dah! Do Dah!"
( sung incessantly by a certain, unique rooster.)
Henry Hawke: ( Sung to Holly Jolly Christmas:)
" I'll be there and back by sunset.
There's a chicken there for me!
Mom and Dad will be proud, you bet!
when a chicken, they'll see!"
Henry: ( Sung to Arkansas Traveler:)
" I think that there's a chicken, yes, indeed!
No need to check, that's a chicken, yes, siree!
I know that that's a chicken , yes, indeed!
Even though he has a snout for pecking at the seed!"
POW! ( cue woozy music.)
Barnyard Dog:
Hey, wait a minute, kid!
Have you flipped your lid!"
Henry:
" I hit you a good one and I'm the winner!
Now come along with me! You're what's for dinner!"
Barnyard Dog:
" Eh, kid.. I'm a dog, don't you get it!
Now, scram! Before I make you regret it!"
" Camptown races, sing this song..
I say , I say.. it's not the words,
son, it's the song
It kind of.. eh, moves me along, err.."
Henry:
" Oh, the shame!
The family name!
Life for me will never be the same!"
Barnyard Dog:
" Someone's given you the bum steer!"
He looks at Henry crying.
" Kind of gets you right here..
Tell ya, what, kid!
I'll give you a real clucker with all the feathers!
Now listen to me, the sooner the better.." Pss. psst. pss..
"Camptown Races, Uhh, oh, I say, I say..
What do we have here?!
An unholy alli, alli alli, joining together.
and the word is ..Beware!"
I say, son!
What are, what are you doing here
in my little slice of paradise?!"
Henry:
"Ehh, Mister Cock-a-Doodle Doo..
I'd turn around if I were you!"
"Heh, heh heh..
Obviously, this boy believes
that I was born yesterday
if not the day before!
Let me lead him on a little more.."
"Just what am I supposed to see, there, ehh, son?
The rising moon? The setting sun? Heh, Heh, Heh.."
BAM!
"I, I, I think I've been way layed.
I, I, better look for some shade.."
PLOP!
"That boy's got more nerve than a bum tooth!
ehh, that's a joke, son!
Miss Prissy! My my time has come too soon!"
Eeee, THUD!
Henry and Barnyard Dog( together.):
"Geez, What a maroon!"
Cue the Looney Tunes end music.
(" Eer.. That's your cue, son!")
" Can't find no good cartoon help these days!" THUD!
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Categories:
heh, animals, fantasy, parodyme, me,
Form:
Light Verse
What is justice? What is right
In a world consumed by greed?
What can we do when justice is gone
and the law can't intercede?
We need to heed sound instruction.
We require the power to trust.
We desire a new dimension.
This directive is a must!
So sack the politicians;
The judges should all go.
Disband committee meeting;
Quangos are a 'no'!
Innuendos and intentions
must fully be explored.
Appointing Peoples' courts;
Should, at first, not be ignored.
Heh! Hang on just a second,
I've just thought of something new:
Human rights will be denied.
Let's forget about this review!
Robert Cartwright-Davidson Jan. 2011
Categories:
heh, funny, people, political
Form:
Verse
Mr. Gecko,
You are not Geico
Mr. SoBe,your name is not Ghecki.
Mr. Wiesman, your heritage is not Gargoyle.
Lime illuminating, advertising
Chirping, adhering to the humidity covered pane.
Hemut Stump toed comrade,
Licking lidless membraned eyes,
Perfected coned vision.
Wafered padded setae,
Suctioning eight times his body,
straddling atop sleek blades of greenery.
Dwarf extinct.
New Zealand`s lost treasure.
Delcourts Gecko remains King of his reptiles.
Self copulation is an unfortunate reality,
when you are a handsome neon lizard.
Categories:
heh, animals, nature
Form:
Free verse
My last request is
Lethal Injection of good
La Madeleine soup
Yum Yum Yum Yum Yum
Heh Heh That's all there is Folks!
Your turn "write last line!"
Categories:
heh, simple,
Form:
Senryu
The snow has come,
everything is at a standstill.
Everything grinds to a halt except,
for the little children sledging.
A little snow and the schools shut,
The nurseries close down, nowhere
to send the children. Ah, Grandparents"
Must get to work, big project on, alas
when I get there they too have shut down.
Car stuck in the snow; how do I get it out?
No shovel! "Heh, can I borrow your shovel?"
"Not mine it's his but sure you can use it."
"Thanks for the use of your shovel!"
"Ok, can you give me a shove?" "Sure!"
Back hurts, slipped disk, oh no, not again.
Go to hospital, no staff, where are they?
"Didn't you know, we had a snowfall today,
no one turned up. I am the only one here.
Never mind love, if you sit in the waiting room
I'll make sure someone will come and see you.
It could take three or four days but hang in there!"
Copyright Robert Cartwright-Davidson February 2009
Categories:
heh, funny, imagination, sea, seasonssnow,
Form:
Verse
George worked in a construction company. He spent all his days walking the steel beam but when he got home, he became the master of inventions. One night he borrowed his wife's ironing board and made himself a grilled cheese sandwich by pressing the iron to the bread. It was an ooy-gooey delight. While all the other men sat down to crusty bread, George pulled out his panini forkini pastrami alla bellini. He bit into it with great delight. The mozzarella sang to his tonsils, "Eres bella, Eres bella" Tiano's boombox voice was heard, "Heh George, there are 4 of us," which translated into, "Yo George, where is our bench pressed sandwich?"
That night he got an earful from his wife Juanita Delacruz, the Spanish Queen of complaint. "Dam it George. The ironing board is full of melted cheese and it smells like recycled beef " It was time to take the invention to new heights.
He made a mean machine of good taste. This is how George Foreman was birthed. In George Papadopoulos's shed. Though he was no son of a priest, he knew a blessing when he saw one. He was recompensed by a happy wife
and a jolly foursome crew.
There are rumors going around that it was really invented in some other form or way. I for one will stick to my story dear readers. If I fudged is just a bit please forgive me. Its a tad more entertaining, don't you think ?
Now here is my research paper on the matter, short and sweet.
"Truth be told ? It was promoted by a former boxing champion George Foreman. Since its introduction in 1994, over 100 million George Foreman grills have been sold worldwide.
Inventor?: ?Michael Boehm, Robert Johnson Inception?: ?1994"
Categories:
heh, hilarious,
Form:
Narrative