Best Greenhorn Poems
He pulled up to the Triple "T" Ranch in a shiny Cadillac.
In his trailer was an Arabian steed with the finest tack.
He wore Tony Lama alligator boots and Calvin Klein jeans,
And a stylish Stetson hat - he looked like a man of means!
He strode to the corral where grizzled cowpokes lazed.
They chortled at the greenhorn, each of them amazed!
"Where's the boss?" he asked, "I'm seeking a position!"
"Over yonder" said they. (The boss eyed him with great suspicion!)
The boss sauntered over to see what the hullabaloo was all about.
"I'll handle this! You fellers git back to work!" he said with a shout!
He sized up the lad saying, "Son, I ain't impressed with them fancy labels!
But you're hired! Here's a shovel! Ya kin start by muckin' out them stables!"
Entry for Carolyn Devonshire's "Green Humor Rhymes" Contest
Speech greenhorn Sue smartly stands smiling
Sleepwalking, she’s set for faith-sailing
Seeking for serenity
Sshhh, she spots security
She’s soul-searching midst silence-sealing.
Sleeptalking shows Sue’s secrets surely
Stressing statements straightforwardly
She shouts, “Stop selfishness*…
Shut up shameful slothfulness!”
She’s safe, speaking to herself soundly.
*1Corinthians 4:3 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self.
Limerick and Alliteration
July 20, 2018
Edited on March 14, 2019
5th place, "Green Humor Rhymes, Old or New..." Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire; judged on 3/23/2019.
In his cowboy outfit, young Danny was eloquently clad.
He'd never been throwed from his rockin' horse as a tad!
He aspired to be a cowboy and eventually got his chance,
But soon learned that cowboyin' wasn't all fun and romance!
The first thing he had to do was learn to ride a horse,
And then hire on as a ranch hand in due course.
With rockin' horse experience, he thought it a simple tour de force,
But he took many a bone rattlin' spill due to gravitational force!
He throwed the saddle on the horse and cinched it down too tight!
The horse would have none of that and unseated Dan with all his might!
His head was reelin' as he landed in a not too convenient cactus patch!
Extractin' thorns from his stern he mused, "Have I met my match?"
The horse, named Killer, glared at Dan with fire in his eyes!
He managed to climb aboard again - Boys, was he in for a surprise!
Again, that old bronc turned belly high landin' on all four feet.
Danny sprawlin' in the dust was ready to admit defeat!
Old-time cowpokes smokin' roll-yer-owns, hangin' around the corral,
Urged him on a-yellin', "Hang on greenhorn! Yippee Yo! Ride 'im pal!"
Dan lying in a heap of manure looked up and said, "Boys, he beat me good!
I reckon I'd better look around and find myself another livelihood!"
I dubbed a first year my room mate
Upon arrival into our teacher training college
To baptize him. His pride in quick order I did decimate
Taking him at high celerity on a binge
Initiating him into traditional beer
In a nearby shanty compound
Where I got his head into God’s fear
Whereby upon returning the greenhorn couldn’t push anyone around
The special welcome made him the follower
I desired
Having diminished his self-concept and self-esteem lower
Than he aspired but higher than he perspired
I proceeded to indoctrinate him into elocution parlance
As best as I could
Ensuring he possessed a college etiquette lance
That would
Not upstage Special
Whom he soon began to emulate
With artificial
Manners to dissimulate
The nascent confidence he feared might offend me
If he grew overconfident
More than I could agree
If he became less diffident
But he played the good boy
Obedient like a lapdog
Happy to enjoy a bone for a new toy
Like a contented warthog
When my training petered out
Satisfaction smiled
In my bosom without any shadow of doubt that my clout
Tamed the greenhorn who wouldn’t succeed in getting me riled.
A New York born greenhorn, name of Talley,
Felt a free meal challenge up his alley.
Known as seventy-two-ounce steaks abode
Into the Big Texan he boldly strode,
As the patient Big Texan clock looked on.
“I am fair game to feast,” boasted the lad.
“To eat all the food waiting to be had.
I shall gobble the steak and trimmings too
Along with a yard of your finest brew.”
And the skeptical Texan clock looked on.
Rare steak, potato, salad, brew, and roll
To consume all in an hour was the goal.
His table was set with food looking grand.
Talley then sat down, knife and fork in hand.
The referee Texan clock started on.
Slashing and stabbing he attacked the steak,
Popping meat in his mouth, scarcely to chew,
Giving his stomach a challenge to brew.
A rare swig of beer was his only break
As the alert Texan clock counted on.
At fifteen minutes, Talley was on pace
To hold himself free of shame and disgrace.
He gorged large tomatoes with salad greens,
Wishing he had ordered a side of beans.
As the steady Texan clock counted on.
At half past the hour young Talley felt great,
Enjoying with relish all that he ate.
The loaded potato seemed so easy
Brew kept his stomach from feeling queasy
As the earnest Texan clock counted on.
Fully forty-five minutes had flashed past
Talley knew he that was having a blast.
Winning seemed sure, Talley felt the die cast,
As bite by bite, he downed his huge repast.
The relentless Texan clock counted on.
In minutes Talley wore a smiling face
Thinking victory he would soon embrace.
With seconds left he washed down his last bite,
Knowing that he ate a free meal that night.
The referee Texan clock ticked time gone.
For the watching diners who viewed him nuts,
A camera caught him spilling his guts
As the victorious youthful Talley
Spewed his steak dinner out in the alley
And the stoic Big Texan clock looked on.