Best Funnytree Poems
IF A TREE FALLS. . . . . .
If a tree falls in the forest
And no one hears it
How do I know it fell?
If I fall in the forest
Do the trees hear me?
If they don’t, how do I know I fell?
Because of my grazed knees.
But hey,
If the whole forest falls on me,
No one will hear -
Not me, not the trees:
So maybe no one fell at all.
I fell in love with a tree stump
Well, my wife's wooden leg
Part of that tree helps her walk
With another part, I made a keg
I fill that thing full of rootbeer
The keg I mean, not my wife
The leg I made from an old cedar stump
That I whittled out with my knife
She smells like Christmas all year long
Don't you just love that cedar smell?
Sometimes I use it to play with the dog
Makes a good back scratcher as well
In termite season she throws a terrible fit
They just won't leave her alone
She says she loves the leg I made
But she wishes I made it of stone
I fell in love with a tree stump
And then I started to think
With the rest of that stump I'll build an outhouse
The cedar will cover the stink
I attacked her branches vigorously,
clipping crossed limbs, suckers and waterspouts
that reach straight to the clouds.
The day, too early for the warmth we'd been getting,
bright, sunny, bee-dazzled.
The bees flitting from pink bud to pink bud,
racing me for who would reach the branch first,
before it was severed from the framework, to
debris on the ground.
I pulled the tallest ladder to the tree,
wedged to the trunk by two branches,
checked for steady ground and climbed
to within one step from the top.
Bees eye view of the world.
No limit to the success I felt
to see the vase shape of its limbs
open up to the sun, with each cut I'd made.
Forty minutes from branch to branch
and nearing the top and the end,
I turn slightly to make sure the last few cuts were right.
When my life toppled slowly to the ground.
Ladder sank, one leg digging deep into the soil
and the ladder fell out from below me.
I tossed the clippers with one hand, while holding a limb
with the other.
Still sensing security, when the sound of a crack and the
movement of my body downward, connected.
In the blink of my eyelids, I was sliding
rough, rubbed skin to bark. Chin snapping upward on
a crotch unseen, as my legs hung loosely below.
No step to take that would find solid surface, until my back
and shoulder hit the ground.
My glasses flew off somewhere, with the impact.
I lay startled and laughing, tree limb in hand.
I knew I would be bruised some and scraped for sure, but
all bones intact.
The ladder had fallen away in such a slow motion,
I saw myself as Bugs Bunny
reaching the end of a cliff and with surprise,
seeing no land beneath his feet, legs moving to touch soil,
when in amazing speed gravity came up and caught him,
as his body rushed to the ground.
That tree was so plum inspired, it pruned me in a snap of a branch.
On a daily walk through woods to free my mind
Exercise the heart, relive stress, and just by time
I noticed a tree, the height of 20 feet, and not one single leaf to see
The wind blew fierce and I could’ve sworn the tree whispered swear words at me
Wickedness filled the atmosphere for this tree grim
So I threw a rock started back to jogging on the trail which was slim
The wind blew once ever so strong ahead
And during this draft one of its limbs fell on my leg
I rubbed my head all to confused, for this leafless tree was bullying me
To hell with that I’m not one to bullied you see
I got a bright idea, and laughed for this tree was about to be watered by me pee
I checked the trail then took my pose of fame
I was about to get vengeance and the wind whispered in my ear Here comes the rain
The sky turned blue and water fell, I backed from the tree thinking what the hell
The tree shook again, and I apologized trying to make a friend
I ran like the wind and I’ll be damned if I take that trail again