Best Drunk As A Skunk Poems | Poetry

Below are the all-time best Drunk As A Skunk poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of drunk as a skunk poems written by PoetrySoup members

Search for Drunk As A Skunk poems, articles about Drunk As A Skunk poems, poetry blogs, or anything else Drunk As A Skunk poem related using the PoetrySoup search engine at the top of the page.

See Also:

Poems are below...



New Drunk As A Skunk Poems

Don't stop! The most popular and best Drunk As A Skunk poems are below this new poems list.

Drunk as a skunk by bernard, john

View all new Drunk As A Skunk Poems

The Best Drunk As A Skunk Poems

Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Dino

There once lived a gambler named Dino
who was terribly fond of vino.
Since he’d drink and play bad,
and lose all that he had,
he was loved at every casino.

But drunk as a skunk, that guy Dino
wreaked havoc one evening in Reno.
Now his vices he’s licked
after being drop-kicked
by a mafia guy named Gino.

Written June 18, 2011 
For Francine Robert's "Bottle of Wine" Contest


Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2011


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Rory

I would like to tell you the story
Of a drunken man named Rory
Who liked his pint of ale
Every day with-out fail
In the morning he looked rather gory

He would make his way to the pub
Where he would have a drink and some grub
Then go merrily on his way
Drunk as a skunk they would say
Home to bathe in a tin tub

He would walk the several miles home
Down the country lanes he would roam
Weeing were all could see
Singing the rose of Tralee
While carrying a garden gnome

One night he spotted a man
He spoke to and asked if he can
Give him a light 
No reply so a fight
But it was a tree he battered then ran

Waking in the morning hands sore
Found bandaged fingers all four
He decided that day
No more drink he did say
And he never drank a drop more


Copyright © Owen Yeates | Year Posted 2012


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

NISSED AS A PEWT

He was drunk as a skunk on St Patrick’s Day Too much alcohol stopped him getting a lay For he had brewers droop So he had to regroup Now he’ll have to wait for a roll in the hay 17th March 2015


Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

A Doc Holiday Classic

The loudmouth cowboy was challenged by an inebriated Doc Holiday.
"Draw your weapon sir," slurred the doc, "I'm your huckleberry."
"You're drunk as a skunk," said the cowboy, "probably seeing double too."
Mr Holiday responded, "Yes sir, that is very true,
but I have two guns,.. one for each of you."


Copyright © Billy TheKidster | Year Posted 2014


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Night Clubbing Huh

Scampi in a basket Plastic palm trees
A 70#s night club in Rotherham
They called Tiffany's.

Ever Friday night me and my mates would hit town
Go on a pub crawl and then later
Boogie on down.

I recall how the girls would dance around their handbags
Like it was some kind of fertility dance
And we were out to pull a bird
For some romance.

We'd stand at the side of the dance floor
Eyeing them up Trying to summon up some courage
To go dance and chat them up
But we needed more beer to sup.

As the music blared and the lights flashed
We soon emptied our pockets of cash
The girls looked so pretty dancing just a few feet a way
But to me at least
It seemed that they were out of my league
And it was as though they were a million miles away.

Should I risk it and take a chance to go and dance
Think I'll just have another drink first.

Five drinks later and I still hadn't drunk enough
To go and chat them up
And off I'd stumble to the toilets for the twentieth time
While all my friends were dancing
And having such a great time.

Suddenly I was drunk as a skunk and thought I was superman
I'd stumble back onto the dance floor
Trying to look cool like Bryan Ferry
But tripping over the girls handbags
An d looking such a fool
As the room spun around and around

But off to the toilet I'd have to  again go
Another drink on the way back and I was ready
To chat someone up at last
Bit the music had stopped
And it was too late
The dance floor was empty
And most of the clubbers
Had gone home
And I was stood there swaying and falling about
On my own.

So Me and my mates would take a taxi home
I'd be sick all over the taxi drivers back
Always the same on the way back.

When I got home the room began to spin
The loud music still ringing in my ears
I'd be so drunk I'd just fall into bed
And wake up the next morning with a huge headache
And rocks in my head.

Never again I'd think to myself.

I was sick my pockets were empty
And had the biggest headache
Didn't get a girl or get a date
I might as well thrown my money down the toilet
And hit myself over the head with a very large fish
But we did the same thing every week
And I couldn't wait.






Peter Dome.Copyright.2015.May.


Copyright © Peter Dome | Year Posted 2015


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN - REVISED

Hello everyone. I decided to revise the classic Christmas carol God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - I hope you all enjoy it.

(Of course it helps if you sing along)


GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN...REVISED!!!!


God bless us all and keep us safe
throughout this Christmas time,
And if I don't celebrate much - I'm
just a miserable swine,
Santa is drunk as a skunk, 
And he's going to do a bunk,

(Oh whinging is good for my soul,
good for my soul,
Oh the toilet is were I will crawl.)


I do believe the fairy's are out
to badly misbehave,
They are with old Santa Claus - 
they're all snogging in a cave.
But Santa tries to nibble their
ears,
To banish all their fears.

(Oh no it's the police now, they
are here, now we all fear,
Oh no Santa has now turned 
all *****!)


God rest ye merry MPs now,
they drink their Christmas slush,
So they sit down when at work,
and play the Candy Crush.
Then someone takes a photo
shoot,
And now they get the boot.

(Oh MPs are full of merry slush,
and candy crush,
Oh MPs they need a smack in
the mush!)


Tis Christmas time we all know
that, and the TV is all dire,
I read the festive TV guide - 
but I chuck it on the fire. 
The same old stuff is on 
again,
It really is a pain.

(Oh banish this Christmas time
I do say, come what may,
Oh the Tesco staff don't get 
their holiday pay!)


God help me to escape this
world, and the annoying 
mobile phone,
Every time I'm on a bus - I
have to have a moan.
I hear them texting all the
time,
It really should be a crime,

(Oh please god I need a 
holiday, I need to get away,
Please god I do feel such
dismay!)


God bless us all at Christmas
time, the carols I can hear,
But I am sick and tired of
them - I hide my ears in fear.
Begone you carol singers now,
Go and join the 'swingers' row,

(Oh good riddance to this
festive season rap, I now need
a nap,
Oh good night I say - this farce
is a money trap!)


God bless the UK parliament
they are so darn corrupt,
They misbehave and fiddle 
their dues - and then act so
abrupt.
But Sir Guy Fawkes is coming
back
Their backsides he will whack,

(Oh bless us all this Christmas
time ye know, bless us we
know,
Oh bless us all, the starving
and the poor!)

THE END

BY
DARRYL ASHTON


Copyright © Darryl Ashton | Year Posted 2014


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Young and Reckless

Got drunk as a skunk, at a debutante
Eye catching tat I want.  With no regrets
a masterpiece of art that I can flaunt
clearly expressing my love for Begretz


Fritz  loves Begretz on a red  crimson heart.
When the artist was  done  the tattoo read
Ritz loves  Begets on a red  crimson heart
With grieve I departed , I know I’m dead

Pearl, in no way cared,   that was a big void
I’m all wrinkled wishing I was younger
Instead of  guessing  and getting  annoyed
now you know  the tattoo is no longer

Young  and reckless,   no  more needs to be said
I’m still alive with the  life that  I led

9/3/2016


Poetry Contest 
Which Of The Four Would You Choose -  cartoon #4 
  
Sponsored by: Sara Kendrick |  

Sonnet: 10 syllables per line, rhyme scheme abab, cdcd, efef, gg ..Fourteen lines with last two lines like a summary of the poem..



Copyright © Eve Roper | Year Posted 2016


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Redneck Housefire


The redneck was drunk as a skunk 
Couple of dozen beers he had drunk 
Staggered round the corner into his street 
He noticed the flames and searing heat 

Was burning fast and the flames got higher 
Just then he realized it was his house on fire 
Alarmed now, didn't want to loose his home 
He ran back round the corner to the pay phone
 
Grabbed the phone and quickly dialed triple O 
"Give me the fire brigade" he said "don't be slow" 
"My house is on fire, can you please come put it out" 
"Yes" said the fireman,  there will be no mucking about" 

"We will be on our way soon, so please be aware" 
"Could you tell us please sir, how do we get there?" 
"Hey? replied the redneck." what a dumb schmuck?" 
"Why don't you just drive here in the red fire truck?"


Copyright © Stanley Billing | Year Posted 2015


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Coyote Call

Sure I was drunk, drunk as a skunk and stuffed to the gills, as well!
My eyes were leaking Sailors Rum that must’ve been cooked in hell!

Lord knows I like a healthy jolt that drowns the week away.
The bar was chocked with pretty gals -  it wasn’t hard to stay.

So I sauntered up to one or two, or stumbled so I’m told.
I closed an eye to set my course, and sailed for buried gold.

And I anchored by this pretty gal, to gaze into her eyes.
My magic worked. We left the bar, my arm around my prize.

I don’t remember much from then, it must have been some chase!
I woke to aches I’d never known and knew I'd won the race.

The room was spinning round and round. A snoring hurt my ears.
I didn’t want to turn and look, but I always face my fears.

I jumped like I was stung by bees and tripped into my pants.
I hit my head against the door and left her to her rants.

I’ll drink my sorrows down tonight and dock another bar.
Perhaps I’ll get what I deserve. Or find my lucky star!

-  04/20/2015

04/20/2014


Copyright © Mark Ackerson | Year Posted 2015


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Crazy Thoughts



It's been estimated that at any one time One per cent of the world is drunk Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher My friends are always drunk as a skunk World's shortest man was 20 inches tall Had to have his Jockeys specially made Wives want more sex in their romance novels Guys have got it made in the shade Half of Americans over age fifty-five No longer possess their own choppers Be careful if you get into a fight with one They'll gum you to death right proper In a average lifetime, humans usually eat About sixty thousand pounds of food That's equal to the weight of six elephants Or 300 people in the nude The average person walks the equivalent Of twice round the world 'fore they die No wonder we all feel so totally pooped out Pretty amazing between you and I © Jack Ellison 2015


Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Kelly collided with Ellie

                           Kelly collided with Ellie but neither was hurt
                        That was the miracle of the day said stupid Bart
                                              Kelly was a truck
                                               Ellie ran amuck
                      She was as drunk as a skunk and didn't wear a skirt












(C) rajat kanti chakrabarty


Copyright © RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY | Year Posted 2014


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

ST PATRICK'S DAY DISASTER

Paddy supped ten pints of real ale As drunk as a skunk, he turned pale He slewed to the right Got into a fight Now Paddy’s residing in jail! Luck of the Irish Limerick Contest Sponsored by Kim Merryman 03~14~17


Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Yo Ho A Pirates Life For Me

Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me
Living on the wild seas
On my ship
With my crew
Pilaging the shores for treasure
To pay ye bounty

Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me
Having a mutiny left and right
Losing my ship
But winning it back
By playing games 
In the port of Tortuga

Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me
Drinking my rum
And getting drunk as a skunk
Running around in circles
After women of the night
And passing out before catching one

Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me
never to be trusted
Never tells the truth
That is the sign of a pirate
Which I am
And shall forever be

Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me
Give me my gold
Or be off with your head
But even if ye give me the gold
Dead
Ye still will be
That is the life of a pirate
So ye be warned


Copyright © Julie Leigh Rodeheaver | Year Posted 2017


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Silly Facts

In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
But the elephants have to be nude

Half of all Americans over fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper

World's shortest man was only 21 inches
Had to have his tuxedo specially made
Wives want more sex reading love stories 
Husbands have it made in the shade

There's lots of howling in India at night
Law says you can marry your dog
Once the U.S. issued a 5 cent bill
Vending machines got all clogged

Babies are often dropped on their head
More serious than colic by far
Males sweat more than ladies when caught
With their hands in the cookie jar

It has been estimated that at any one time
0.7 % of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My in-laws are always drunk as a skunk

The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they're done
No wonder I don't feel like I get enough sleep
But I'm probably not the only one!

© Jack Ellison 2012


Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2012


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Good Ol' Triple-Six And The Eternal Drive-By - Part 2

- and, anyway, who breaks wind over double-M, a. k. a. Manson,

Marilyn?

I'll give a ride on my razor any day to

The-Second-Prime-of-Nine-to-the-Sixth,

who was around long before CD's, DVD's, MTV, and YOU / MYtube,

spitting out the healing heat, the wound-cleansing apocalypse

of what some denounce as straight from No. One Brimstone Pl., way

before double-M, way before the Twelfth Symbol,

The Serpent-Wrestler

was kicked downstairs out of sight, usurped by what used to be the

thirteenth,

Yeah, and one plus three is four - rex mundi, mundane king

of only the world,

while One plus two equals Three - sign of sweet Goddesses, of

divinities

and The Twelfth Symbol butt-****ing Marilyn with the Serpent, man!...

... and my razor ain't my father's

road-raging interstate-hog...

... my godpappy, Billy Blake, still loony

out of his goddam mind,

drumming away for Good Ol' Triple-Six with one hand and giving

decaffeinated, unsweetened Jesus an enema of infidel wine with the

other

while howling Te Deum for

uncross-legged, staggering Jesus

failing the sobriety test,

Fallen Jesus! oh my lord, the world must be cumming to an end!

without promise of rescue by the pie-in-sky-hook of empty redemption,

least of all, from Billy Boy with foolish heaven's bees of wisdom

buzzing about his balding pate, stinging his soul even more alive

with fire,

igniting a gnostic explosion to blow the piston-heads

off my father's gas-hog of false gods,

laying a circle of holy fire down the centuries

and giving me the courage to razor-pedal with my own two feet down

that road still on the map

to the cathouses, outhouses, hovels and Isis temples

of court jesters' wisdom under the Twelfth Sign

where everyone has the hope-salvation

of failing crooked judgment's sobriety test,

where Goddesses disrobe the secret of themselves,

of Gods and Everyone to celebrate the Cosmic Dance, Copulation of

Universal Soul,

while William Blake yanks the spigot off the sacred keg

to intoxicate the Serpent

and my razor-wheels right off of me.

Yet, what does it matter I've lost the wheels of mortality?

since - believe it or not - no longer uptight, decaffeinated,

constipated or unsweetened,

a backslidden, paganly born-again Jesus is drunk as a skunk!

like me, on the pulse of Good Ol' Triple-Six rapping His uncouth butt

off in the eternal drive-by of cosmic rhythm and rhyme,

So there, Manson, take that up the ***!

* try coffee /java / a cup 'o joe, brotha, sista!


Copyright © Wrulf Gunkl-VonGlashaus | Year Posted 2011


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Drunk as a Dog

Drunk as a Dog

By Elton Camp

Some similes don’t make much sense at all
Like the intoxicated, “drunk as a dog” to call
“Drunk as a skunk” is also heard all the time
But I figure that is because of the nice rhyme

A dog I’ve never once seen shop a whiskey store
Likewise, one has never entered a saloon before
Anyone ever seen a dog with a six-pack of beer?
We sure don’t have anything like that around here

Our old hound dogs all seem to get along just fine
Without a slug of whiskey or even a sip of wine
The dogs might well say it’s unfair to compare
Them to the swaggering bipeds with so little hair

But it might be well to keep old Brutus on a chain
So that “sober as a judge,” your dog does remain
It isn’t likely that he’d be accepted at the local AA
And I never have heard of any groups called DDA


Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2011


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Crazy Thoughts No 5

It's been estimated that at any one time
One per cent of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My friends are always drunk as a skunk

World's shortest man was 20 inches tall
Had to have his Jockeys specially made
Wives want more sex in their romance novels 
Guys have got it made in the shade

Half of Americans over age fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper

In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
Or 300 people in the nude

The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they die
No wonder we all feel so totally run down
Pretty amazing between you and I

© Jack Ellison 2012


Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2012


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

One night stand

I really wanted that cookie,I put my hand in that jar

She got them big melons, Makes her look like a star

She's tall and slim with smooth slender legs

She tastes so good you'll even say Amen

She's got good brain like she went to college

And when she's finished with you, You'll gain some knowledge

I fucked her all night, We played in the sheets

Smoked us a cigarette ,Then went back to sleep

Woke up the next morning , Drunk as a skunk

Was about to kick that ***** out, but she'd already head out


Copyright © Reginald Telemacque | Year Posted 2017


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

NEW YEAR'S EVE

If you’re in a crowd….drunk
If you’re home alone….drunk
In jail…….drunk
“Drunk as a skunk!”
Sober?
Hell no!
No matter
Anywhere drunk
Any way but dead

For God's sake
It’s New Year’s Eve!
Before long
The ball will be descending
Come down like the blade of a guillotine
And    if you’re very lucky
You’ll wake up New Year’s day
Feeling rotten avocado green
On the bathroom floor


Copyright © daver austin | Year Posted 2009


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Drunk as a skunk

I'll never give in I'll never surrender
I'll never drink gin I'll avoid a bad bender
I liked to vodka but only drink beer
I'll always have fun and will always cheer
I never drink so much its getting me drunk
I've never got feeling drunk as a skunk


Copyright © john bernard | Year Posted 2012


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

In my mind theres a funk

In my mind there’s a funk
Does not mean that I’m sunk
If I drink then I’m drunk
Be as drunk as a skunk
Not so much that I stunk
Falling into my bunk
Never act like a punk
If I fail do I flunk
Hid away like a monk
Another myth to debunk
And sort through all the junk
Wipe up all of the gunk
My clothes have not shrunk
I’ve grown into a hunk
Full of vigor and *****
Keep your goods in a trunk
Store like a chipmunk
Oh my cake have a chunk
Or a cookie to dunk
What I wear is preshrunk
Did my engine just clunk
If I slink then I’ve slunk
Will I plink and then plunk
How did I get this punch-drunk
No I’m not from Podunk


Copyright © john bernard | Year Posted 2010


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

I Pleaded the Fifth

There's a story from Dixon
About some ole drunk
Who came in the courtroom
Drunk as a skunk

When asked by the judge
Sir how do you plea
He pulled out a 5th 
And said this ones on me

Unsure what he meant
The judge threw him in jail
Without that ole bottle
Without chance of bail

When his attorney asked him
Why cause such a rift
He simply stated
I pleaded the fifth

When word of the meaning
Got back to the judge
He released him the same day
It caused such a buzz

All the people in town 
Still chomp at the bit
To tell the story of Barney
And how he pleaded the fifth

Unsure what he meant
The judge threw him in jail
Without that ole bottle
Without chance of bail

When his attorney asked him
Why cause such a rift
He simply stated
I pleaded the fifth

The day Barney died
The judge came to grieve
Said here you go Barney
This ones on me

So if you pass through Dixon
Or just stop for a bit
You'll hear the story of Barney
And how he pleaded the fifth

When the judge found it funny
He chose to acquit 
And old Barney won 
When he pleaded the fifth






Copyright © M.P. Shaudd | Year Posted 2017


Details | Drunk As A Skunk Poem | Create an image from this poem.

Moonshiner's Ditty - Collaboration

MOONSHINER'S DITTY - Collaboration

Gonna drink moonshine
Get drunk as a skunk
Then go into town
Beat up on some punk

Get thrown in jail 
'Til I get sobered up
Start drinking again
Then puke it all up

23 July 2018
For Charles Messina's contest

(Make this the last stanza)


Copyright © Curtis Moorman | Year Posted 2018