Best Drunk As A Skunk Poems
There once lived a gambler named Dino
who was terribly fond of vino.
Since he’d drink and play bad,
and lose all that he had,
he was loved at every casino.
But drunk as a skunk, that guy Dino
wreaked havoc one evening in Reno.
Now his vices he’s licked
after being drop-kicked
by a mafia guy named Gino.
Written June 18, 2011
For Francine Robert's "Bottle of Wine" Contest
He's drunk as a skunk on St Patrick’s Day
Too much Guinness stopped him getting a lay
For he had brewers droop
So he had to regroup
He’ll have to wait for a roll in the hay
17th March 2015
Scampi in a basket Plastic palm trees
A 70#s night club in Rotherham
They called Tiffany's.
Ever Friday night me and my mates would hit town
Go on a pub crawl and then later
Boogie on down.
I recall how the girls would dance around their handbags
Like it was some kind of fertility dance
And we were out to pull a bird
For some romance.
We'd stand at the side of the dance floor
Eyeing them up Trying to summon up some courage
To go dance and chat them up
But we needed more beer to sup.
As the music blared and the lights flashed
We soon emptied our pockets of cash
The girls looked so pretty dancing just a few feet a way
But to me at least
It seemed that they were out of my league
And it was as though they were a million miles away.
Should I risk it and take a chance to go and dance
Think I'll just have another drink first.
Five drinks later and I still hadn't drunk enough
To go and chat them up
And off I'd stumble to the toilets for the twentieth time
While all my friends were dancing
And having such a great time.
Suddenly I was drunk as a skunk and thought I was superman
I'd stumble back onto the dance floor
Trying to look cool like Bryan Ferry
But tripping over the girls handbags
An d looking such a fool
As the room spun around and around
But off to the toilet I'd have to again go
Another drink on the way back and I was ready
To chat someone up at last
Bit the music had stopped
And it was too late
The dance floor was empty
And most of the clubbers
Had gone home
And I was stood there swaying and falling about
On my own.
So Me and my mates would take a taxi home
I'd be sick all over the taxi drivers back
Always the same on the way back.
When I got home the room began to spin
The loud music still ringing in my ears
I'd be so drunk I'd just fall into bed
And wake up the next morning with a huge headache
And rocks in my head.
Never again I'd think to myself.
I was sick my pockets were empty
And had the biggest headache
Didn't get a girl or get a date
I might as well thrown my money down the toilet
And hit myself over the head with a very large fish
But we did the same thing every week
And I couldn't wait.
Peter Dome.Copyright.2015.May.
Got drunk as a skunk, at a debutante
Eye catching tat I want. With no regrets
a masterpiece of art that I can flaunt
clearly expressing my love for Begretz
Fritz loves Begretz on a red crimson heart.
When the artist was done the tattoo read
Ritz loves Begets on a red crimson heart
With grieve I departed , I know I’m dead
Pearl, in no way cared, that was a big void
I’m all wrinkled wishing I was younger
Instead of guessing and getting annoyed
now you know the tattoo is no longer
Young and reckless, no more needs to be said
I’m still alive with the life that I led
9/3/2016
Poetry Contest
Which Of The Four Would You Choose - cartoon #4
Sponsored by: Sara Kendrick |
Sonnet: 10 syllables per line, rhyme scheme abab, cdcd, efef, gg ..Fourteen lines with last two lines like a summary of the poem..
The loudmouth cowboy was challenged by an inebriated Doc Holiday.
"Draw your weapon sir," slurred the doc, "I'm your huckleberry."
"You're drunk as a skunk," said the cowboy, "probably seeing double too."
Mr Holiday responded, "Yes sir, that is very true,
but I have two guns,.. one for each of you."
The redneck was drunk as a skunk
Couple of dozen beers he had drunk
Staggered round the corner into his street
He noticed the flames and searing heat
Was burning fast and the flames got higher
Just then he realized it was his house on fire
Alarmed now, didn't want to loose his home
He ran back round the corner to the pay phone
Grabbed the phone and quickly dialed triple O
"Give me the fire brigade" he said "don't be slow"
"My house is on fire, can you please come put it out"
"Yes" said the fireman, there will be no mucking about"
"We will be on our way soon, so please be aware"
"Could you tell us please sir, how do we get there?"
"Hey? replied the redneck." what a dumb schmuck?"
"Why don't you just drive here in the red fire truck?"
It's been estimated that at any one time
One per cent of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My friends are always drunk as a skunk
World's shortest man was 20 inches tall
Had to have his Jockeys specially made
Wives want more sex in their romance novels
Guys have got it made in the shade
Half of Americans over age fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
Or 300 people in the nude
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they die
No wonder we all feel so totally pooped out
Pretty amazing between you and I
© Jack Ellison 2015
Sure I was drunk, drunk as a skunk and stuffed to the gills, as well!
My eyes were leaking Sailors Rum that must’ve been cooked in hell!
Lord knows I like a healthy jolt that drowns the week away.
The bar was chocked with pretty gals - it wasn’t hard to stay.
So I sauntered up to one or two, or stumbled so I’m told.
I closed an eye to set my course, and sailed for buried gold.
And I anchored by this pretty gal, to gaze into her eyes.
My magic worked. We left the bar, my arm around my prize.
I don’t remember much from then, it must have been some chase!
I woke to aches I’d never known and knew I'd won the race.
The room was spinning round and round. A snoring hurt my ears.
I didn’t want to turn and look, but I always face my fears.
I jumped like I was stung by bees and tripped into my pants.
I hit my head against the door and left her to her rants.
I’ll drink my sorrows down tonight and dock another bar.
Perhaps I’ll get what I deserve. Or find my lucky star!
- 04/20/2015
04/20/2014
Old Paddy supped ten pints of ale
Now drunk as a skunk, he turned pale
He slewed to the right
Got into a fight
Now Paddy’s residing in jail!
03~14~17
Why do we say someone is “drunk as a skunk?”
In truth, has anyone ever seen a skunk drunk?
Written August 9, 2022
Kelly collided with Ellie but neither was hurt
That was the miracle of the day said stupid Bart
Kelly was a truck
Ellie ran amuck
She was as drunk as a skunk and didn't wear a skirt
(C) rajat kanti chakrabarty
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
But the elephants have to be nude
Half of all Americans over fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
World's shortest man was only 21 inches
Had to have his tuxedo specially made
Wives want more sex reading love stories
Husbands have it made in the shade
There's lots of howling in India at night
Law says you can marry your dog
Once the U.S. issued a 5 cent bill
Vending machines got all clogged
Babies are often dropped on their head
More serious than colic by far
Males sweat more than ladies when caught
With their hands in the cookie jar
It has been estimated that at any one time
0.7 % of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My in-laws are always drunk as a skunk
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they're done
No wonder I don't feel like I get enough sleep
But I'm probably not the only one!
© Jack Ellison 2012
The wife was as drunk as a skunk
When she bumped into a young punk
Before he knew it
She simply blew it
Is that what they call a "Slam Dunk"?
Paddy’s drinking with his buddy Shaun
In fancy dress as a leprechaun
To be part of the scene
They wear emerald green
and get bladdered before break of dawn!
Old Paddy supped ten pints of brown ale
And then drunk as a skunk, he turns pale
He stumbles to the right
And gets into a fight
Now Paddy’s languishing in the jail!
When sober he rings his wife Innis
Says ‘Darling, I drank too much Guinness’
And I cannot dispute
I got pissed as a newt
I’m begging you for your forgiveness!
(* the Gaelic name Innis means Island)
2/16/19
Drunk as a Dog
By Elton Camp
Some similes don’t make much sense at all
Like the intoxicated, “drunk as a dog” to call
“Drunk as a skunk” is also heard all the time
But I figure that is because of the nice rhyme
A dog I’ve never once seen shop a whiskey store
Likewise, one has never entered a saloon before
Anyone ever seen a dog with a six-pack of beer?
We sure don’t have anything like that around here
Our old hound dogs all seem to get along just fine
Without a slug of whiskey or even a sip of wine
The dogs might well say it’s unfair to compare
Them to the swaggering bipeds with so little hair
But it might be well to keep old Brutus on a chain
So that “sober as a judge,” your dog does remain
It isn’t likely that he’d be accepted at the local AA
And I never have heard of any groups called DDA