Best Dimwits Poems
A lovely young lady lives on the Isle of Man
She writes bawdy limericks whenever she can
She takes a few hits
From jealous dimwits
Who can’t write them nearly so well as can Jan.
POEM OF THE DAY on July 10, 2021
59TH ON 100 BEST POEMS OF THE PAST MONTH on July 11, 2021
51ST ON 100 BEST POEMS OF THE PAST MONTH on August 8, 2021
written July 9, 2021
Categories:
dimwits, humorous, tribute,
Form:
Limerick
There are two main problems
In this troubled world today
One is the pandemic
That refuses to go away.
The reason why this virus decided to stay
Is because the powers that be
Are determined to have their way
In handling this situation
They don't seem to have a clue.
Passing the buck to each other
Is all they seem to do
They take no responsibility
For the action, they are taking
Nearly every move they make
Is disaster in the making
Meanwhile this lethal virus
Is multiplying fast
Wondering I think
How much longer it can last
When will the dimwits
Come to their senses
And forget about the power
And start building fences
Categories:
dimwits, 10th grade,
Form:
Rhyme
Leccy Powers in the Air
Nikola Tesla knew the score,
back there, wayback in 1894,
send-em power through the post,
bloody radio antennae, sends the ghost ,
wireless sends the power,
from the insulated tower,
tuned aeriel sucks the most,
fine tuned it is the host,
a quarter wave deflowers,
when electric car un-powers,
recharge from power radio remote,
a constant radio wave, unquote,
or constant flow empowers,
Leccy car you Billy Goat ! :}-
So ac power is in the air,
detected by the car, right there,
powered then the Billy Goat,
tuned aerial , sucks in the voltage, know it!
Leccy car can run 4 sure!
Don't need no petrol, where?
just leccy techs, leccy motors go-at,
says johnson, with a slight unquote,
the new world is to share,
if it catches em by the throat,
the dimwits wouldn't dare,
but some ones got to show it ?
Eg frequency of 27 megacycles cb radio 27,000,000 a second.
So put a 9 foot antennae on you car to receive the signal current?
It works out shorter for much faster frequencies like your mobile phone.
A few inches, a few centimeters etc...
So the sent electricity gets collected at the right length antennae and
runs the leccy motor in your car...sounds cool to me …
id be wearing wellies or gum boots to avoid a shock from the powered antennae 250volts maybe, if I touched it:} kill switches needed hey...
Don Johnson
BEFORE 20,000 YEARS AGO THE ATLANTEAN PEOPLE OF THE RED SKIN TYPE,
HAD SUBMARINES AND AEROPLANES. {VALIXI}. POWERED AND CONTROLLED BY RADIO WAVES TECHNOLOGY REMOTELY..{ARE WE TOO RETARDED TO DO IT???}...INDUS VALLEY PEOPLE HAD VIMANA
FLYING MACXHINES TOO AT THAT TIME....AND WROTE HOW FIX THE MERCURY ENGINE...
Do we have to res-surect ole Tesla?
to get it to work? ac electricity can be
transmitted through the air! as he said...
easily converted to dc voltage by rectifiers...as in power supplys....
like having your own power pole on the car...
Categories:
dimwits, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
Ten supposed virgins with
lamps, more likely to be
tramps about to stick a man
like stamps. Hitch a
bridegroom and try to put
something inside a womb.
Five were smart as a fox and
wise, and five were dumber
than a box of fries.
Those who we're dimwits,
forgot their toolkits, and the oil
to fuel it.
The wise packed reserves and
used their lamps with
conserves.
The bridegroom was delayed,
while the virgins slept,
slumbered and played.
Around midnight the
bridegroom arrived, someone
cried, as the virgins became
more revived.
The virgins in the camps ran to
their lamps like champs.
The foolish cried to the wise,
‘Give us oil, our light won't
survive.
The ill-advised realized their
lack of preparation and opted
for a lazy solution without
hesitation
The wise replied, ‘No supplies,
not enough set a side ,
purchases your own wayside .’
When they left to buy, in came
their guy, those who where
ready left for a wedding, the
others behind a locked door
dreading.
Categories:
dimwits, religion
Form:
Lyric
A Plane Flat Earther Reminder
This is merely my suggestion
I'm not contriving a rebellion
Now then___
If you believe that Earth is downright Flat
Yell, "All aboard!" sit those buns on a train
But if your brains decide you guys are nuts
Admit you are dimwits get up on the plane!
Penned: 1/20/2022
4:18 a.m.
Lake Worth
Florida USA
Categories:
dimwits, humor, satire,
Form:
Rhyme
Raised on praise, used to grazing through his days
on compliments forthcoming, even though he was mindnumbing,
a bore to us all, he never had a fall,
concealed in his bubble, protected from life's troubles.
He thought that he was great, absolute first rate.
Bias was the force that made his parents liars,
acting like dimwits they made a man of limits.
In a world so dimly lit, it was hard for him to see it;
the big bad wolf was waiting and ready to be baiting
and catch this wealthy bore and gorge on him and drool
while spitting out his bones and searching for his clones.
Categories:
dimwits, growing up,
Form:
Rhyme
Dimwits and Those That Are Dumb
Candidates with each other contended
Maybe Constitution should be amended
And in certain part of it the way it read
For President can't run if a knucklehead.
Of before you never made any sense
And to everyone was always a nuisance
Then forever our poor patience trying
Could tell after you heard all of his lying.
No telling what next he will have in store
I know for certain and am sure abhor
Not allow country to have an immigrant
Back home the rest of them have sent.
Was a university many had called Trump
Flush out the idiots needed a sump pump
And in your big brain barely made a dent
Recognized as a fool wherever you went.
Imagine Trump to his hair adding color
Instead of orange and yellow was duller
Normal again he finally would become
Even to dimwits and those that are dumb.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Among other things
Categories:
dimwits, howl, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
Copycat Chinstrap penguins I see you everywhere,
In shopping malls on buses mocking our precious air,
Why wear a mask underneath your chin,
Then go about in public donning an imbecilic grin,
Maybe I’m missing something the gills on your neck,
No I’m sure only fish have them, last time I checked,
Tracheostomy covers masking up your tubes,
Dimwits would you wear knickers on your boobs,
But hey it’s ok, nobody will ever notice,
Thinking we’re all dumb as you, theres the real injustice.
Podium placing promise(2) Poetry Contest
Sponsor by Brian strand 30/12/20
Categories:
dimwits, allusion, how i feel,
Form:
Rhyme
Who are these lug nuts?
Who are these featherweights?
Who are these slum bums?
Who are these cretins?
Who are these dimwits?
Who are these bird brains?
Who are these crumb critters?
Who are these sad sacks?
Who are these dullards?
Who are these rum raisins?
Who are these nincompoops?
Who are these louts?
Who are these Jim Dandies?
Who are these meat heads?
Who are these brow beaters?
Who are these fuddy duddies?
They all live in my bones
And sing like Tom Jones.
We are the chosen.
Later, Hosen.
Categories:
dimwits, funny,
Form:
Free verse
Foolish folly in the house of putrid politics
Dirty deeds up their sleeves double-dealing tricks
Forgetting the homeless, ignoring the poor
Though staying between the lines of the law
Oh ! And the law, well that’s another story
One suggesting a lavish lavatory!
For the criminal not for the upstanding
Not for the meek though only demanding
Yes the pecking order is quite transparent
With suited criminals all apparent
Trickling down such bad behaviour
Praying to my only saviour-
Please help them to sow seeds of decency
Awaken the blind to the difference of recency
For this society unravels the very pits
When ruled by a bunch of moronic dimwits
With crime through the roof that hinders well-being
Many are silent with sickness from seeing
The defeated and shattered upon a tightrope
Without any justice-there is no hope!
Categories:
dimwits, hope, people, political, words,
Form:
Rhyme
Ok, you humans down there, making wishes on us stars
with “Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”
Who the heck do you people think you are?
Why are you writing poems all the time like “Star Light, Star Bright”?
Of COURSE, we’re bright and a heck of a lot brighter than YOU.
Is sitting around making wishes all you can do?
Even waiting around to see which one of us will fall? The gall!
Good grief, you’d think to see a shooting star is the greatest thing of all!
Where did you come up with “count your lucky stars,” you dimwits?
You would die a billion deaths before you finished counting my friends and me.
I get laughs hearing your gaffes, but other than that, MY life is the pits!
I wish for YOU to make ME into a MOVIE star. I’d be a diva for an eternity!
Then I could really live it up in style, like you glitzy dolts down below.
Yeah, and keep “reaching for the stars.” Let’s see how THAT goes.
July 1, 2020 for Nina Parmenter's You Are A Star Poetry Contest
Categories:
dimwits, star,
Form:
Personification
Horn Draining Swamp Poems
Bristol Stomp To Drain Swamp
After having been doing the Bristol Stomp,
Depressed after on were starting to romp;
Never would wait,
Or did evaporate;
Dimwits and fools started draining swamp.
Jim Horn
Development Was Revolting
Development was really deeply revolting;
Out from deep swamp did come bolting;
What we would dread;
They started to shed;
Stopped laying more eggs and are molting.
Absentee Ballot from Bo Peep
Were being back in swamp that was deep,
Politicians had started being a big creep;
Danced all around,
And would astound;
Stole absentee ballot from Little Bo Peep.
How are these for starters?
Jim Horn
Categories:
dimwits, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick
Magnus Moore
My name is Magnus Moore, and I am far from pure.
See I can never die, I thought you might ask why.
No one is quite sure, for everyone forgets who I was, they are unsure.
I am reincarnated and reborn, and no one mourns.
I’m a shadow, a shell, hollow.
I hate mankind, they are blind.
They choose what they see, but I can foresee.
They’ll repeat history, to them it’s a mystery.
They’ll destroy each other, one bomb after another.
They can’t help it, they’re all dimwits.
I’ll still be here, I cannot disappear.
I could be a weapon, but I refuse to step-in.
If I die, no one will cry.
I’ll return, and the people will learn.
At least I hope, though I wonder about their rope.
The one they draw around their neck, they will surely make a wreck.
I truly wonder if anyone cares, of my immortal affairs.
Though all I am is another new face, whose never even left a trace.
Humans forget, everyone I’ve met.
Do they have a brain, gah they are my bane.
I try to tell them of the past, yet they set nukes a blast.
Maybe if I don’t intervene, no, that would be mean.
No matter what I say, they send me away.
Earth is very lonely, for I am the only.
Humans have become extinct, and I’ve begun to think.
That maybe they weren’t so bad, Now I am really quite sad.
I still am unable to die, my mind has gone awry.
Maybe they weren’t my bane, or maybe I’ve gone insane?
February 21, 2020
Categories:
dimwits, 12th grade, mythology, perspective,
Form:
Rhyme
Fifteen yards in a football game
Runner is safe in baseball
Two shot foul in basketball
Penalty shot in hockey
No penalty in government
For interference
Interference with family
Interference with income
Interference with retirement
Hell bent on destruction of values
Interference with self reliance
Interference with self respect
Congress can’t run its own household
Don’t tell me how to run mine
Bail out equals social injustice
Carried to an extreme
Let’s call it Money for Morons
Income for incompetence
Dollars for Dimwits
Better Lives for Brainless Billionaires
Interference with growth
Interference with fiscal sanity
Interference with failures failing
Eliminate useless executive salaries
Corporate is back in black
No bail out needed
No interference to protect the one’s
Who own you, Congressmen.
Categories:
dimwits, people, politicalself, self,
Form:
Free verse
He was accused as a predator turns out that he was the prey,
A mere bystander but accused as a culprit,
Locked up in the jail 'till his hair turns into grey.
Pleading for justice but it always sway,
Was charge into a crime he didn't commit,
He was accused as a predator turns out that he was the prey.
An innocent life was betrayed,
To be killed or he's the killer, he must admit,
Locked up in the jail 'till his hair turns into grey.
Money is hideous fiends' cue to obey,
To simply close their eyes and tilt their dignity a bit,
He was accused as a predator turns out that he was the prey.
Injustice can be seen anywhere, so cliché,
Impeccable human suffers because of the dimwits,
Locked up in the jail 'till his hair turns into grey.
Truth always prevail they say,
When will it happen? He's sinless, needs to be acquit,
He was accused as a predator turns out that he was the prey,
Locked up in the jail 'till his hair turns to grey.
Categories:
dimwits, betrayal, confusion, innocence, political,
Form:
Villanelle