Best Computer Internetcomputer Poems
How could I survive without a computer, only heaven knows!
'Tis a necessary tool for my poetical verse to compose.
Today, the beast went down again, wouldn't you know it,
Just as I received a brilliant revelation so vital to a poet!
My technical aptitude is meager but I did try to reboot.
That was the extent of my expertise regarding a troubleshoot!
I couldn't figure out what else to do so as a last resort,
I called the computer company gurus for technical support!
I was talking with a foreigner, much to my consternation,
So I steeled myself for a challenging technical conversation!
He could be anywhere on that vast continent of Asia;
I later learned he was from the Islands of Malaysia!
I'm sure that in solving computer glitches he does excel,
And he obviously knows the Malaysian lingo very well,
But bless my soul, I hardly understood a word he uttered,
As in fractured English and technical jargon he sputtered!
I'm sure he thought he was talking with a first-rate dunce,
Since he had to repeat his instructions to me more than once!
As frustrating as it is, I reckon I'll have to resign myself,
To pleading for technical support beyond the continental shelf!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
This bewildering computer of mine just gives me fits!
I panic when the consarned thing goes on the fritz!
I peruse the baffling manual but that doesn't help me any.
It might as well have been written in Hindustani!
There is no one more computer illiterate than I,
So I must call that guy in India when things go awry!
He patiently checks for spyware and virus infections,
And tests the modem and internet connections.
Today he found no problems during his troubleshoot.
He suggested that I shut down and try to reboot!
As a parting shot he asked if my cursor was working alright;
I reached for the mouse to check - it was nowhere in sight!
At that mortifying discovery I gently hung up the phone.
Consternation reigned - how much more can I condone!
The frayed mouse tail lay there looking so grotesque.
I looked for the mouse on the floor and all about my desk!
Alas, nothing to do but buy another for it to replace.
But wait! Why that Cheshire smile on my pussy cat's face?
"Aha! I think the mystery is solved!" I exclaim to my spouse!
"I think that sneaky scoundrel has swallowed my mouse!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
After much cajoling by my kids and grandkids over the years,
I entered the computer age with great tremblings and fears.
My Selectric typewriter and encyclopedia were comprehensible to me,
Now, I'm totally bewildered and fear I'll click the wrong key!
I've read every "Computers for Dummies" book that I can.
They might as well have been written in Afghanistan!
I've mastered turning it on and shutting it down all alone,
But beyond that, little about its operation is known!
Windows pop up saying, "Your program performed an illegal operation!"
I panic knowing that I'm facing twenty years of incarceration!
Daily I'm deluged with dozens of e-mails called "spam",
Wanting to sell this and that, proffering the usual scam!
Trying to coordinate the mouse and that little arrow on the screen,
Is akin to controlling the elusive Mexican jumping bean!
I've tried to master cursors, gigabytes and the system unit;
Alas, I'm technically challenged, there ain't no doubt about it!
With this computer thing my life has assumed a baffling demension.
Icons, floppy discs and CD-ROMS are beyond my comprehension.
My eyes glaze over as I sweat and ponder what to do.
Lord, deliver me from this perdition, I need a computer guru!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Bowser at the Computer
By Elton Camp
When I came home early from work one day,
My young dog at the computer I found at play
And at something on the screen he was staring
About any other thing Bowser wasn’t caring
I quickly and firmly made my irritation clear
“Out! What in the world are you doing in here.”
Bower looked at me with surprise, shock and start
And his hairy paw toward the Delete key did dart
I was too quick and grabbed the scruff of his neck
So that what he was viewing I’d be able to check
You can imagine my shock, horror and surprise
At the website I saw right there before my eyes
The URL that was shown at the top of the screen
Was one I hadn’t hear of and surely never seen
It was a pornographic site called hottestdogs.com
Now I saw what it was that so fascinated that bum
Pictures of female dogs were all over the place
All of them naked—it was such a total disgrace
Now I have done what I previously neglected
To prevent this, computer is password protected