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The Best Anyhoo Poems

Details | Anyhoo Poem |

A Conversation

Seen.  Heard.

Two mice walk into a bar...

"Hey barkeep (a tomcat), whiskey, neat, and one for my pal."

(First mouse - Leo) "Geezy weezy did I have a crazy week, you?"

(Second mouse - Bob) "You know it dude, same ol' same ol'."

"Yeah, some things never change.  Night after night some dimwit
puts out one of those lame spring-loaded traps.  As if.  So I play
the game, trip the trap with whatever I can find lying about, snatch
the stale cheese and toss it in the trash bin, then go after the good stuff, hehe."

"I know what you mean, bro.  Only mine likes the sticky glue kind.  
Like I'm gonna just hop right on and screech my lungs out like a girl, 
haha. 'Oh my, ya got me!  Oh, whatever can I do, I'm helpless
(both now rolling on the floor, laughing).

"Then there's the broom gig, right? Whap!  'Ooh, too slow, too slow.'
Whap!  'Who's ya daddy?'  Whap!  'Play it again, Sam.'  Golly, the
fun never ends.  Still, kinda sucks being us, ya know?  I mean,
why can't they jus' leave us alone?  We's jus' mice... (back on
the floor again)."

"Hey bartender, pour us another round."

(Bartender speaks up) "You guys think you got it bad, you ain't
seen nothin'.  The owner's a Rottie and boy can he be mean!
Why, just last week he chased me round and round the stinkin'
bar over a lousy broken glass.  Thought I was a goner, fosho fosho.
Then there's the bones issue, good gawd.  If I find one more bone
in one of my clean mugs..."

Suddenly, in walks a roach dressed in a three piece suit, hat,
carrying a briefcase and whistling a happy tune.  All eyes now on him.

He says: "Barkeep, drinks are on me!"

He climbs up on the stool, everyone quiet as a, well, you know.

(Bob) "So... What's tickling your feelers, hmmm?"

"Ha!  Never heard that one before.  Well, I'll tell ya, 
I just bought an ant farm.  And it's the third one this month.  
Why, I may just be the richest roach in all of Bug county.
'Course, daddy was an oilman, er, bug.  Sorry, slip of the old
tongue there.  Wait!  Do I have a tongue?  Anyhoo, as I was sayin..."

Well, as he was boasting, and without warning, a big ol' nasty rat
comes up from behind him with a baseball bat and bops him 
right across the back of the head, causing him to fall to the floor, dead.
All eyes are agog as Leo asks:

"What in tarnation did you do that fer?"

The rat slowly walks back to his booth, takes a swig of Christmas
ale and says:

"Listen up squeak box, nobody likes a cocky-roach!"

Details | Anyhoo Poem |

gesundheit

gesundheit!

so pleasant to hear someone exclaim
“gesundheit!” when ya sneeze,
meaning the German word for “health,”
literally wishing good health for someone who shows the possibility of
sickness---
so much better than the ignorant, superstitious &
idiotic blabbering of
“bless you,” or “’god’ bless you,”
in which the “blesser” might believe
upon seeing another sneeze that
because their “soul” leaves their body when they
sneeze, that “Lucifer” himself may in fact
invade through that open portal during the act of
atchoo!---
or you may think,
as they did during the middle ages when 
The Black Death was in its heyday,
that when someone sneezed 
they were on that one-way road to death &
so if one witnessed such an event,
the proper thing was to “bless” such an individual’s “soul”
so that they’d start off good on their way to meet
“god”
(always ironic that this “god” was the same that “created” The
Black Death…but anyhoo---).

so a tip of my hat to my German friends who are being courteous,
or my non-German speaking friends who are struggling through a German word
to avoid such lunacy,
as there is no need to go so far as to say
“Darwin says that he’s sorry you sneezed”
(as how would anyone know that now?) or to some extent thereof---
we are lucky to live with those who will extend us as much as a
GESUNDHEIT!

Details | Anyhoo Poem |

Tomorrow We Had (ska song)

Thanks again m'friend
for all the worries that you slayed
let's find out
how all of this began

tomorrow! face the day and tell me how we would play
No sorrow! take these things and run them all away
no one, no one can replace this friendship
no one, no one can tell us when to quit

thanks for all the blessings
thanks for all the things you've said
won't forget you
when we go our seperate ways instead

tomorrow! face the day and tell me how we would play
No sorrow! take these things and run them all away
no one, no one can ever take your place
nothing gone, someday we'll meet again face to face

(riffin' trumpet and trombone solo)

Thanks for all these past few years
they're gonna stay right here you'll see
won't leave without
letting you know what you did for me

Tomorrow! I'll be holding on to what we had
No sorrow! our time together was never just some fad
keep on--just keep on goin' on
and remember that together we could do no wrong


--this was a killer ska song I had in my head.
It's a fast off-beat song with some nice vocals.  Anyhoo, 
I just like getting it out on "paper".  Feel free to use it if any bands are interested--

Details | Anyhoo Poem |

deface away

have you heard the story of the man who has roamed for 5 years 
living off the likes of the self-righteous mor(ons)mons in
salt lake city, utah?
as those who claim that coffee & alcohol is not the way of
those that worship the golden plate prophet oddly seem to be able to complain in the same breath that he’s been
stealing such items from their camps…hmmm…
anyhoo,
the man has spent time destroying various religious icons,
supposedly, 
and for that one can only salute him,
though, 
the press (paid for by the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints)
paints him a madman. 

the police, of course, abide by the “holy” people who parade around utah
spreading the word of a racist who swore that that special
christian fictional character resided in america
after his whole “resurrection” charade,
& one wonders just who the real madmen are in this picture…
hmmm…he is said to be a
“time bomb,”
as if there would be another way to define a rational human being living in a state populated by fanatics.

if this man who is said to have written a note saying simply,
“get off my mountain,”
is in fact defacing religious icons &
living off the rich lives that have benefited from such insanity,
then he should be applauded---


deface away, brother,
deface away.