I want to write to you the endless paragraphs I dream about sending you,
Then shut the door behind and never look back but what good will it bring?
You’re too good for me, and I hate that.
I’m fragile, and clingy,
One wrong move and i’ll crumble.
I hate you, I love you,
I wish you knew how much you hurt me at times.
You don’t know it, and you don’t mean it I’m just blaming you too much.
I need to stop, I need to limit us,
So now I’m going to keep you at arm’s length now,
No more and no more.
I avoid people who try to put me in their category ~~
when I know in my heart who and what I am.
Written April 1, 2022
A vicarious metaphor
—the writer’s privilege
(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2018)
Faith comforted her soul
During the time of need, she took a knee
Eyes up, head down
Blessings reigned down upon her halo
Ascension is but a prayer away
Love.
A few too many breaths of fresh air,
A sun over water shines a glimmer in your hair,
A palm reaching outward quickly to hold,
A pointed and true reason to want to grow old,
A scent of coming rain sweet enough to see,
A sobering storm I'm willing to weather...
As long as you're with me.
Hope.
As tried as I've been and held down as we are,
The eclipse of this lifetime will surely fail to burn out our star,
We are young and yet old enough to make something real,
As long as we retain these once muttered feelings that we feel,
We are strong, stronger than the values of the things that we own,
And I'd give them all up to take your heart...
On a loan.
Love.
I will never back down or let go or give up or give in,
Always twice a loser it's more than time to win,
I will never break or falter or wane,
I will hold you at arms length to measure this rain,
Because despite its depth and the flood that we swim,
We didn't just fall this hard as a joke...
On a whim.
Hope.
Is always...
Enough.
Why did you never love me
Does my beauty intimidate you
Do you see the shadows in my heart
yes they’ve been there from the start
I bet you were just too afraid
to share your heart again
I know it had been shattered
She left you broken and in tatters
But you don’t know me well
I also have my defenses
I tried to let you see the inner me
Afraid all along that you would flee
I might have given you a chance
to have you in my life
but I could tell right away
that you were the kind that leaves someday
I won’t love you
and get nothing in return
I’ll keep you at arms length
Letting you close I would sink
at arm’s length
at arm’s length
the damaged
will keep you---
having been round the bush
having seen a good portion of
the world’s ability to destroy,
terrorize & horrify,
the concept of “trust” has been
completely annihilated.
either accept these conditions of the
21st century &
come back to the poker table
with a new hand,
or be on your merry way
into the vast garbage can of the
past mistakes
that brought us to this point in the
first place.
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