Writing Humorous Poems

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Details | Free verse |
I stand at the front of the exam hall, which is in total silence. Grey desks stretch out in neat rows - they remind me of gravestones in the local cemetery, with white faced students their unwilling occupants. The only sounds that can be heard are the pages being turned over and the scrawling of pens on the paper. Exam invigilators creep around the room like mice, their hawk like eyes ensure no one is cheating. Suddenly a booming fart breaks the silence - it sounds like a machine gun that has been fired in short staccato blasts. We can clearly see the perpetrator as his face is as red as a raspberry! Muffled giggles are stifled and silence is once again restored. A true story! Noise Contest Sponsored by Shadow Hamilton 03~09~17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017




Details | Rhyme |
Sometimes when I write, I tend to stretch the truth.
Same as when I gossip; I've done that since my youth.
It's not so much deliberate, but to tell a story well,
Folks tend to stray from tedious facts to magnify the tale.

This habit's often utilized a bit, I have surmised,
In speeches heard at funerals for loved ones eulogized.
By writers of the news I'd say it ought not be employed.
But “doozies” can be found inside almost any tabloid.

I think, for my defense, especially writing nonsense,
I need to find the place to get my own poetic license.
I pose to you this question- In my practice as a poet,
If I get myself a license then, to whom should I then show it?


for Let 'er rip (the mention of poetic license made me want to do this one!)

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |
A Lyrical Chef we'll call 'Dre',
whips up Writes for her Poem buffet.
She bakes Words into Rhyme
and roasts Prose in the time
it takes most just to cook a Cliché!



************************
This limerick was written for 
my Soup buddy Andrea Dietrich. 
Thank you for your positive 
input and excellent support - 
you are appreciated!. xoxo

Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015




Details | Light Poetry |
Have you ever squeezed a lemon before?
(you very might well have and just not realized it).
Each time you grab the steering wheel, you feel determined:
There's no way in hell you're waiting another minute!

A lemon is sure a close call,
and anyone's capable of it - every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Sometimes you don't see it at all,
until you look up and realize it's already turned cherry.

It's a rarer site to see someone squeezing that one,
but there's no doubt it happens now and then.
Some call it stupid, others brave and daring.
Me? I just wanna get out of the car and grab a pen.

Squeezing a lime sounds much more safe.
Feeling a bit less brave, a small price to pay,
for living another glorious day.
But my dad is a different sort all together.
He goes through the entire fruit smoothie, it's just his way.

There'll be honking from behind,
people yelling, "What are you friggin' color blind?
Get off the Bluetooth, man!".
And I'm just sitting in the front seat thinking,
"I have such great writing material, so close at hand".

I'll have my head crouched low
feigning embarrassment, but in reality
this man, driving me, where I need to go
is the spitting image of myself
forty years down the road...

Copyright © Timothy Hicks | Year Posted 2013

Details | Light Poetry |
Alliteration is awesome;
thanks to thee
it effortlessly erases evidence
of spoonerisms.

Spooky.



Written February 29th, 2016
For the Spoonerisms Contest hosted by Roy Jerden

Copyright © Timothy Hicks | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |
The List

I was waiting by my mailbox
To hear news from the Soup
I know they like to keep me
Somewhere, in the loop
I couldn’t wait to see, ME !
Somewhere at the top
Of The Hundred best read poems
That reader's thought were Hot

While I nestled in my chair
Took my subtle writers pose
With my thumb under my chin
And my finger, side my nose
I started to peruse 
The list presented clear
While looking for My Name
I found it wasn’t there

Perhaps an over site
Could sure explain, a lot
They failed to read, the comments
And all the praise, I got
But then, it came to me
Those guys are really smart
My poems are so good
Their’re simply off the charts 

                                           By JTCurtis  

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse |
When eye was eating my serial this mourning Aye red the hole rules four the contest Eye sore it inn black and white It was plane for all two sea The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks Butt too me this practise isn’t write, Nun are aloud, they are usually band Yule have guest its throne me off coarse Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry How can wee expect two win Hour poem mite bee bard Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol… May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe? Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless 08~13~15

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | I do not know? |
#1 Put the toilet seat down. What woman wants to end up falling into the toilet in the middle of the night? #2 Stop changing the channel. Believe me guys, when women are trying to watch a soap opera, you best leave the remote alone. #3 Put your own dirty clothes in the laundry. I hate picking up crusty socks. #4 Stop farting at the table. Do you mind? I'm trying to eat. #5 Excuse yourself when you burp. And they say our children have to have manners. #6 Roll your own damn cigarette. When was the last time you rolled me one? #7 Clean your messes up. Trust me guys, you're a bunch of slobs. #8 Don't call me stupid. We women are just as smart, if not smarter than you are. #9 Move out of my way. When a woman is trying to get something done, the man always stands in the middle of the room. #10 Turn the music down. I know you guys love your music loud, but sheesh! #11 Get out! The least you guys could do is give us a little privacy in the bathroom. #12 Do it yourself. I'm sure you guys are smart enough to do things on your own. #13 Get it yourself. Guys, get your lazy, fat butts off the couch and make your own sandwich. #14 Use your manners. We don't like being told what to do without a simple please and thank you. #15 Take your boots off at the door. Women hate it when men carry dirt into the house after just cleaning the floors. #16 Shut up! When we are trying to watch a movie, that means we are trying to hear it too. Copyright © Cynthia Jones Sept.24/2004 I know some of these sound mean. No offense guys.

Copyright © Cynthia Jones | Year Posted 2015

Details | Sonnet |
My heart is heavy; I’m feeling so sad, in recent contests I have failed to place. I don’t think my work is really that bad So I will keep a huge smile on my face! Perhaps the sponsor just had a bad day or with their partner they had a big row; Yet my name’s not there; what more can I say, should I give up and cease writing right now? Brenda wants us to write her a sonnet, Yikes, I’m darn useless at writing that form I must not get a bee in my bonnet I’ll try to make sonnet writing my norm. Yes, I’ll persevere and sometimes I’ll win, If I fail ... I’ll swig a huge glass of gin! Disappointment Contest Sponsored by Brenda Chiri A tongue firmly in cheek poem ! 10 syllables per line (N B really counted as 2 syllables) 09-13-17

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2017

Details | Rhyme |
I'm gonna post a contest
I know no one will win
With a list of many rules 
That will make your noggin spin
And if some how you understand
That list a mile long
I'm sure if I look hard enough
I'll find your spelling wrong

So, Go ahead and write away
And do your very best
This complicated style
Will put you to the test
Yes,  this will be more like work
It sure won't be much fun
But it will all be worth it
If you just make number one

Think about how proud you'll feel
With your name high on that list
But glory's something you won't find
You'll only end up p**sed
But I'll take my time in judging
As it drags out over days
Then right besides your christian name
I'll type a big " N/A" ................HeeeeeeeYahhhhhhh !!!!


 

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2016

Details | Verse |
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Haiku |
Beauty of nature
Why condense it down to God?
Isn’t life enough?

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |
I know the fact that it's Facebook
it somehow gives you an excuse not to abide
by even the most basic of grammar rules.
And I admit seeing an apostrophe
where it's not needed kills me a bit inside.
But, alas, I will restrain myself
from starting any spelling duels.
The truth is you just wouldn't win,
not even the slightest chance.
And even if you did there would be
no satisfaction on your behalf.
It would always come back again
to the same redundant dance;
me - taking the time to voice my message clearly,
and you having a big hair-pulling laugh.
It's true, there is a great deal of time saved,
cutting the words short and omitting punctuation.
But by God it's like throwing away
years of hard-earned education!
I wouldn't mind writing like a five-year-old
(aside from the fact I'm almost twenty).
Some say it's nothing to fret about -
isn't the rest of the world's problems plenty?
The fact is writing is one of the few things
I can keep in order
(Lord knows my room doesn't fit the bill!).
So if by chance you find yourself,
staring zombie-eyed Into a computer screen,
with extra time to fill,
I hope that you will remember your I before E except C's,
that you will recall the three different there's of English.
Maybe someday you too will join
this small club of Grammar Nazis.
Perhaps you'll find there's more to words
than just ink on a page...
For you have the whole world within you,
first step is too climb out of your cage.

Copyright © Timothy Hicks | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |
I was stumbling around the Poetry world when I ran into this Gem
The Blue Mountain Arts Poetry Card Contest. 
I thought, what an opportunity 
But then I read the rules and although 
I do not know who wrote them
I must say, "COME ON" Really !

Poetry Contest Guidelines:
1: Poems can be rhyming or non-rhyming, although we find that non-rhyming poetry reads better.

Non-rhyming poems Read Better---Ha---what a crock ! Tell that to the 18th and 19th Century Poets


This it soooooooooo idiotic, It's like saying, We are having our Special Olympics and disabled and enabled can enter alike, although we find that Enabled entries usually win.    ( This metaphor is not intended to diminish the abilities of those of us that have disabilities, It is intended to show how ludicrous rules can be ) 
Blue Mountain, WHY NOT say----"Rhymer's Need Not Apply"

I went down to Blue Mountain
I thought I'll have a-go
And may win 300 bucks
You laugh, but never know

Once there, I read the page
Where I was to apply
That's where the darnedest thing
Reach-out and caught my eye

Rhymers just weren't welcome
That's what the first rule spelled
No point in even trying
'Cause "Rhyming Don't Read Well"

Instead of feeling Blue
I counted all my blessings
Then,I bought a pair glasses
And started reading lessons

Thanks Blue Mountain
I'm "Reading Well" Now !
See you next contest

                       by JTCurtis (A rhymer w/readability)




Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse |
Avoiding the unpleasantries of the Barbarians At The Gate
It is over there, for they thought they had Found The Golden Grail
Wandering The Elysian Fields looking for a needle in a haystack
living in an ivory tower. Look a lounge lizard.
Out to lunch, A Few Sandwiches Short of a picnic
I am Eating light downsizing So not to get a Few Extra Pounds
Let's change the subject seriously though
as serious as myocardial infarction
sketchy but I see through the ploy like a glass table
Did you hear, maybe you are hard of hearing
It is all smoke and mirrors
Politics Maybe, How about The war on euphemism
It’s Just Politics that is a “overly simplistic guarantee
sweeping generalizations that can be contradicted by individual experiences
accurate…not precise enough. He didn’t say anything wrong. That was true.
Excuse me did you say something touche not touching that
Yes, the mock euphemism over your head
Let's talk about religion then like the apple of my eye
Truth is stranger than fiction Pass the salt of the earth, please
eat, drink and be merry not a doubting Thomas
Did you hear about the wolf in sheep's clothing
Why are you bringing up poly-ticks again I guess, a leopard can't change its spots
A heavy purse makes a light heart.You get the checks and balances, I will pick up the tab

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |
Our house is our castle… Of that your can plainly see. The turrets are there to hide in… The grand hall for festivities… The dungeon is for the bad boys… that try to invade my day. It’s where the Hubby spends most of his time, yes, with Trolls, at play. Visitors are always welcome, but ‘be warned’ about the moat… There’ll be no skinny dipping there, biting allegories, you must note. So, do not bare your souls of naughty thoughts, within this castle of mine. Or ‘Truly’ you’ll end up in the moat… being bit in the behind. The sheriff ‘Armadilly Billy’ is the watchman at the door. ‘Miss Kitty Perfect’ is my voice as it was meant to soar. The penguins are the greatest friends, which you would ever want. And my Dragon is the mischief, with which I stir the pot, so nonchalant. Grandpa Troll is my ‘words of wisdom’ guy, who keeps me down to earth. The Trolls play out my every whim, in harmless, yet crazy, mirth. Hubby stirs the pot with endless whimsy, to levels of great renown. And the neighbor hood witch saves the day, when we’re about to drown. Perhaps you’ve noticed my castle, ‘is in’ this mind of mine, the belfry. And all the pieces, except for Hubby, are in there hanging, so very free. Now if it is a writer: that you are dearly in need of… or are, in wont to be. Just open up your mind, and build your own castle, there, just like me. So cross that bridge, and “come on over’, enjoy your own… insanity!

Copyright © Carol Eastman | Year Posted 2013

Details | Enclosed Rhyme |
If only my body had no need of sleep,
Unceasingly, I would write poetry
The fragrance of my words like potpourri ,
Stirring the angels to weep.
*
Why do I waste my time,
Arranging words in symmetry,
Guaranteeing poverty and obscurity,
On such a trivial pastime.
*
I will stop writing today alas,
No wait, I'll stop tomorrow,
First let me express my sorrow,
In a touching epitaph.

5/17/16

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Enclosed Rhyme |

         Gifted with 3 things  on a deserted Island what do I bring .
           Having clothes on,   a smart phone wet not smart at all
              For you have hope in store when you can not make a call ..

         ~ A sharpest of knives that starts fire 
               Ugg boots Australian built resilient  
                  A pot to boil water pure from the salt  ~
   
         This being a hard choice for it's these I desire  ~
        
           Belgium chocolate,  coffee with evaporated milk
               Tea  & sugar to last a decade , paper , pen 
                  A goose down blanket under stars ,warming like silk

           my favorite books , The four agreements 
                A working I pod, guitar, for music is my muse ..

          A Bible to read so I can keep my faith higher ~
      
          After becoming one with all nature I call this my own
             Now bring me a prozac and a cell phone 
            "   A special forces man ...oh no , temptation,  I may not come home ! "
          
           Yet being true to self , and my soul unfolds..
      ~ For I love and miss my children , what is life without them to hold ~
       
          
      "written for Shadows contest on 10-8-13"

Copyright © Shanity Rain | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |
Yall have always known me, been right there by your side,
And thats exactly why...You should VOTE FOR ME.
You all shop at the same stores as me, I've seen you in the line
And again, at the same places we go to eat...there's nothing to decide.
You should VOTE FOR ME and you know why!

We know what we want for our own country & know what it needs*VOTEFORME*
So we're campaigning on every road & street, because we believe:
it's time for our nation to be the way it's supposed to be,
and we're not gonna make the same mistakes like those before me.

I promise to give the poor money, and lower your tax
Everyone will have a J-O-B, credits cards, loans & cash
A brand new house with a lawn so green, and a car so fast
Cheap, reliable & free engergy, and students can have shorter class

I'll make you wealthy, Make you healthy,
Feed the hungry, Save the country,
I'll give you land, Shake your hand,
Govern Millions, Love your childrens,
I'll stop the war, Make prices lower,
Go to church, Build Heaven on Earth,
No foreign firms, Domestic first,
We are the best, They are the worst.

So please go stand in line, make a sign
Come & reach, hear my speech.
Let your pockets do the talking
One donation and the world is changing,
two or three, then we can beat them
Send your checks, send your cash,
or they'll turn our country into trash,
put signs on your grass and wave your flags,
hurry and VOTE FOR ME, time is running out fast,
We love Amalgmia, we're the best it has.

I promise if you vote for me, I'll take time every week,
to visit you, where ever you may be, to help everyone in the country!
I'll paint your house, Graze your cows,
Thresh your wheat, Shear your sheep,
Raise your barns, Rake your yards,
Get your cat out of a tree, VOTE FOR ME.
I'll open doors, Sing background on tours,
Kick your mules, Drive car-pool,
Do the chores, Sand the floor,
Pick the kids up after school,
I'll make us free of our countries past guilts and crimes.
We'll achieve diplomacy without compromise

I believe in government transparency
at no risk to national security.
I believe in freedom of expression
and maintaining conservative responsibilty.
And the rights of all the people protected
by consensus and constitutionality
I would only wage a defensive war on enemies
in the name of humanity and stability

dont you worry, you can trust me, yall know me;
I'm honest, openly, completely and totally
I'm the last and only hope for our country,
so please VOTE FOR ME.


Copyright © elit wright | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |
Where I'm from we don't do debts, fronts, or take tabs
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
Put that money on the head, you don't need a mask
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
How is a broke fool gon' try and smash
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash

Money on my mind like bread on a sandwich

I run the city, they're the lights, I'm the switch

I stand for what's mine, never see me slip and fall

I'm runnin' the race, you're a baby with a slow crawl

My cash stay on point, like a sharpened pencil

Try 'n' copy my style, you gon' need mo' than a stencil

I don't be's in the trap, buy my workers put-in overtime

Feds can't catch me, never see me committin' crime

That's why from time to time I shoot 'em a raise

And tell 'em to stash cash for those rainy days

If money talk, then there's nothing to say

If B.S walk, none of ya' fools can stay

My money talkin' for me, betta' yet, it's in a conversation

Ya' look like money; make money, nice observation

They say the love of money's the root of all evil

So how much money will it take to really love people

Copyright © Arcene Janvier | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |
I sponsored a New Contest 
I knew that I could win
And entered it the first day 
Then several times again
When others made their entries 
I had to laugh at them
'Cause there's no way, in this world 
That they could ever win

My entry was just perfect
It followed every rule
The spelling was pristine 
Could be seen by any fool
The placement of each word
Was proper and precise
And all the rhythmic verses where
Short but quiet concise 

But I have to say, "I'm fair" 
Cheating’s never on my mind
So, Just to stay impartial 
I like to judge it blind, 
There's no way you'd find my name
At the bottom of the sheet
But it’s really kind of petty
Since my poems got this beat

Well, I read through every entry
And I even read some twice
I rated them for merit
And thought some kind of nice
Then I posted all the placements
As I cried out “NOT AGAIN”
Although I thought my poem “Best”
Andrea Dietrich always wins

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |
The Soul is the Beautiful Light of Love
Shining like the sun through the 
NO
As the reader, I’m going to have to cut you off there.
Here’s a metaphor for you…
Reading is ****ing.
And your words hit our auditory canals
Like a hotdog down a hallway.
As an experienced reader, I’m after 
The virgin vernacular 
The aphrodisiac aphorism
You know- the big… black words
You feel me?
Because a line is a flashlight, exposing the world’s nudity-
And we’ll never get anywhere shining it in the same spot.
So kiss me with classy couplets
Smack my assonance!
Bring me to the climax-
And we’ll share a smoke together,
Warm beside the fire of your Three Inch Clichés.

Copyright © Jacob Reinhardt | Year Posted 2013

Details | Haiku |
Pop may be catchy
But not lyrically deep
Case in point: Chris Brown.


(N.B. Poem written after hearing "Don't Wake Me Up")

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Name |
            So many amazing Artist ~
             one would never complain

            Just to be amongst all Soup 
             my name will never be plain

            I love all indiscriminately 
            My friends you'll  remain 

            Not to confuse or cause pain
            for the reason lies not in Vain

             From now on just call me 
                Shanity Rain ~

           However my Children remind me , I'm Insane ~
        '   Shanity Rain  my new Pen name  '

Copyright © Shanity Rain | Year Posted 2013

Details | Light Poetry |
Dog Gone , Bone Search

Seeking, this yard, looking for a bone
not a cool drink, just not for me
A bone, a bone, master still on the phone
but, there, there is my favorite tree!

Sweet release, now back to my hard task
cat races away, why I have no clue
If only there was somebody here to ask
and where hides a big bone they knew!

Over there, fresh dirt shows a treasure
buried beneath must be a large bone
When I dig it up I can then just measure
while master stays busy on the phone.

Mine at last, the great prize I so graved
so tasty, this delicious treat
Should I keep it and have it engraved
or yield to hunger and just eat?

Great quest it was, certainly no lark
a bone, a bone found was this food
Time to scratch and let out a loud bark
this delicious bone sets that mood!

Master races out with same bowl of crap
bone now gone, I ate it so quick
Time to ignore him, pretending a nap
I may be only a dog but I am still slick!

R.J. Lindley 
Jan, 22nd 1971
Note - Old poem, light verse and bored, goofing 
around one night.

Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |
Cornelius was a linguist, not a poet -
though his ego was much too large to know it.
After penning a traditional Japanese tanka,
regarding the policies of la casa blanca,
he realized his multicultural poetry - though raw
in meter and message - lacked a certain je ne sais quoi.



Inspired by the writings of our own Maurice Rigoler

*la casa blanca = the white house
*je ne sais quoi = a quality that cannot be named easily.

Copyright © Timothy Hicks | Year Posted 2016

Details | Limerick |
Tho there're poets here of highest rank,
I have noticed - and let me be frank -
that in spite of sweet prose,
this site has more type-o's
than Count Draculas offshore blood bank!

Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015

Details | Couplet |
A vast rant can last and mask a task                                                                                a paragraph alas chants as a vacant flask                                                                         Mass ask as a gas and pass a glass at last                                                                       a tall mast as jazz blasts and all stand fast                                                                        Past that an A flat and as day casts a bad ray                                                                    Say nay and bray play away calm as a bay                                                                     Blatant fragrant may cart away a vagrant                                                                         as a stray and array a lad mad as a lay cant

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2014

Details | ABC |
amuck - adverb.flailing in all directions, about, around - His ideas ran amuck.

brang – verb, past tense.bring – You ring, you rang, I bring, I brang.

chipps - noun, plural.an asset for selling, a favor owing, and old friend. He relinquished all his chipps to his  successor.

defute – verb. to dispute in any defamatory way,  deface in any futile way or defile in any further way. He did not defute the question. – to defeat at any future game. We’ll defute them next time.

demar – noun.any act of transgression described as demeaning or demoralizing, inflicted on or flung upon by McMar or any of his ancestors, their kin or descendants (legitimate or not). Your demar is all that’s left.

DeMar McMar Eo Munny - first illegitimate son of Olive Eo and Hezekiah Munny. First cousin to McMar, once removed, from his mother's side ... by Apache braves ... less known as DeMar Geronimo.

eo – possessive pronoun. denoting the person or persons being directly addressed by the speaker.  Make eo mind up.

Eo – maiden surname of the only cousin to McMar (by marriage) on his mother’s side, wed to Hezekiah Munny.  No sibling ever lived long. Olive Eo Munny

eoh – a response of exclamation (usually in reply to sudden beckoning)  by McMar or any of his direct descendants. Eoh!

eo-eo – noun.a spinning toy that dangles from a string. You lost your marbles and your eo-eo. 

erago - noun, unit of measure. Measures the time elapsed between the previous era and the current era. The slave owners bought their slaves an erago.

haps – adverb.used to express uncertainty or possibility. I thought that haps you’d like my new car.

harken - verb.to listen but more intently, more intensely. Harken at the calling breeze, a rustling shady tree.

juke - noun.sounds that emit from a jukebox.Let me hear the juke. - or a joint that serves it up.Mamma looking fine, diner at the Juke.

plex - verb.to try to figure something out, to wonder about something - The answer did both plex his mind and defute his integrity.

slaven – verb, past participle.to become a slave – They were slaven by the times. noun.a person (or a people) upon whom any act of slavery or enslaving has been inflicted - The slaven did toil. – or the state of being a slave - The lash unto the slaven was to pierce their slaven backs. 

Stephen Duncan – In Issequena County, Mississippi in 1860, Stephen Duncan owned more negro slaves than any other man.

Copyright © Mike Martin | Year Posted 2015

Details | Verse |
What is the future? The present? The past?
Just a quick question I thought I'd just ask
Can scientists help us? So is it mere physics?
Is time metaphysical? Mental Olympics?

Do we walk backwards? See only what's been?
Or look into the fog? Far future unseen
Is there free will? Are we our own author?
No, destiny damns us to English tense torture!

I write this poem - the tense present simple
But simple soon ends with a present participle
Continuous tenses use "ing" at the end
For perfect (all tenses) add "ed" to amend

"Was", "will" and "am" - past, future and present
Irregular verbs? Long list most unpleasant
Spring sprang and sprung, unique without clone
Write, wrote and written I know, knew and known

A bit of a burden if not your first language
Unless you can master whilst eating a sandwich
But if we banned grammar and wrote more carefree
Our script becomes blander - we lose poetry



(Entry for past, present, future competition originally - recycled for the zany contest)

Copyright © Mark Martin | Year Posted 2016