Poetry Forum Areas

Introduce Yourself

New to PoetrySoup? Introduce yourself here. Tell us something about yourself.

Looking for a Poem

Can't find a poem you've read before? Looking for a poem for a special person or an occasion? Ask other member for help.

Writing Poetry

Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.

High Critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

How do I...?

Ask PoetrySoup Members how to do something or find something on PoetrySoup.

Funny Marriage Poems | Funny Poems About Marriage

These Funny Marriage poems are examples of Funny poems about Marriage. These are the best examples of Funny Marriage poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

If you don't find the poem you want here, try our incredible, super duper, all-knowing, advanced poem search engine.

Details | Rhyme |

Her Sense of Humor

A slight hint of consternation was in her voice,
“Why did you tell those people I’m deaf and dumb?”
“I never said you were deaf, my Dear.”
She laughed, but I kinda felt like a bum.

Hell.  It was just a joke.

One evening, she asked, “Will you love me if I get chubby?”
I responded, “Of course I still love you.
It would take much more than pounds and cellulite
To make me fall out of love…it’s true.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

“Would you remarry if I die before you?” she asked.
I said, “No…probably not…I’ve been spoiled by you.”
“But you’ve been a great husband. I think you should.”
“Whatever happens, happens is the best I can do.”

“If you remarried, would you play golf with your new wife?
And would you let her use my clubs?” she demanded.  
I calmly smiled and said, “Your clubs are safe.
You see, my Dear…she’s left handed.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

Then, she whined and whined about her butt.
I responded, “Want to knock some inches off that ass?
It may sound strange, but I heard it works….
Rinse all your panties in Slim Fast.”

Hell. It was just a joke.

The next day, I readied for work, took ‘undies’ from my drawer.
They were engulfed in a fog of white, why I didn’t know.
So, I asked, “Honey! Why did you put talcum powder on my shorts?”
She slyly smiled, “That’s not talcum powder.  That’s Miracle Gro.”

Hell.  It was just a joke....I guess.

So, what is my wife’s most endearing feature?
Her sense of humor.... there’s no doubt.
Always a smile where angst or anger might have been,
A smile I never want to be without.

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse |

The Divorce

He had a few drinks the night before,
enough to mistake the waiter for a door.
T'would help him remember
he thought to himself,
the fun to be had in the coming of day.
He'd married a Madame 
with her perfumes and pearls,
a painted smile
as he watched her walk
with first one foot 
and then the next,
stepping in time to his funeral march. 
They'd promised forever in those very same rooms,
with their sad yellow curtains and broken blooms.
This could have been a wedding
there were vows to make-
I, Harold, un-take June as my wife, 
for better, not worse,
for richer not poorer.
With his eyes on her profile
he thought to himself 
that she'd never looked more radiant
than she did today. 
A few odd words and then it was done, 
all i's were dotted 
and the t's crossed
to pronounce them completely 
un-manned and de-wifed. 
“Fancy some lunch at The Ritz, my love?"
“Alright then, darling. You drive.”

Copyright © Leileah Kasperyan | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |

Bugger - Her Response

17th July 2015

Last night my missus gave me some oysters for tea
Was I in for a night of rip snorting whoopee?
I showered and shaved trying to smell like a stud
Her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were desperate so I engaged in foreplay
What old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I groveled I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever give me a little blue pill
I now know it sure won’t be for an evening of thrill.

Her response

So you’re disappointed
That all you got was just a snog
How about make an effort 
Stop smelling like grog
I don’t care for begging,
And sexual wee stirrings
Have a shave and a shower, 
That'll start me concurring.
Now take your hand off my breast, 
Just help me cook the kids tea
Grab the vacuum, do the house, 
That’ll be enough foreplay  for me
Hang out the washing, 
Then feed the pets. 
Do homework with the kids
Please now go make the beds, 
Scrub all the pots, 
Make sure you do the lids
Thank you my dear, 
Your help was just great, 
It's nice just not to nag
What! What do you mean? 
You’re too tired for a shag?

28th September
Silent One's Competition
In response to my first poem

Copyright © Mark Woods | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme |

Heavenly bliss

Heavenly bliss

Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead

But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly  “Just Wait"

Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married

Saint Peter replied very softly 
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait, 
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”

Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"

As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven  
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”

A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014

Details | Limerick |


SNAIL I love my cool wheelchair to bits. But when I get married it fits to walk down the aisle, it may take a while... by then they're all snoring, the gits! *** LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE LIMERICK CONTEST sponsor: Jan Allison October 13, 2016

Copyright © Darren White | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse |

Puppy Love at 55: Dedicated to Lady L

Puppy Love at 55 When I am wise, I’ll turn to puppy love With generous doses of truth and innocence, almost no shame … “Her be my gal!” Or “Me gonna marry him, so you jus’ shove!” Sound adorable. Singing, “He is mine. I am his. Gonna get married, take his name.” Gone the days of horse and carriage … some sensuous songs, also silent … At this moment I am not wise, merely older, aged fifty-five; I make amends, enjoy each tomado-love and each new accent; Aware of so much pain, woundings, the living-but-barely-alive So I recall how puppy love felt like fresh air, sunshine, pure We thought the best of belle or beau Time never existed. No bills, diapers, nothing to insure Slobbery kisses on ears, eyes, but unashamed, secure … When I turned a certain age; not so young and not so pure I thought marriage was right: seemed the way to secure Each other in love’s embrace for children, a better future … No regrets! But I gaze at a happy marriage in old pics now. So I say this to all poets, painters, quaint artists, saints and sinners: Start early with puppy love, and never give up on it; Why discuss doubling household incomes, becoming millionaires For such talk puts dollar signs where love was beautifully reflected! The children may yet teach us the ways of innocence But that is the hardest job today: among adult gadgets, to remain puppies That lick, slobber, miss the lips and kiss the eyes or chins And yet without shame, forgetting forbidden fruit, unblinking eyes - (Asking questions about hair, skin, color … hugs galore, even for the different) But as to whether I advocate divorce, May I plead the Fifth Amendment?

Copyright © Anil Deo | Year Posted 2017

Details | Free verse |

If Jane Were a Feminist


What's with that yelling already?

Me Tarzan, Me Man, Me Make Noise

I can see that.  Inside voice, please.
You'll wake up Cheetah and you know
How grumpy he gets if his nap is interrupted

Me Tarzan

Enough, I know already
Me hungry, Jane make lunch

Now wait a minute Jungle Boy, I'm tired
Of waiting on you hand and foot
Make your own lunch

Woman take care of Man, Woman listen to Man, Law of Jungle

Says who?


That doesn't impress me, loin cloth breath!

Jane talk funny since trip to Ameeereeka

Listen here tree vine jockey, I learned a lot in New Joysee
Women have rights, they used to burn their bras

What is bras, me no understand

Didn't think so.  Either you treat me with respect or I'm out of here!

Where Jane go?

Maybe back to New Joysee

Tarzan listen Jane
Jane teach Tarzan respect

Now you're talking
First lesson, what's for lunch?

Copyright © Rick Zablocki | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

The Right Thing to Do

Written 7 March 2014

Bruce and Jennie, both were 10,
Had been playmates all their lives.
One day, Bruce proclaimed,
“Jennie… most good men have wives.”

He professed his love for her.
Jennie said she loved him too.
They decided that getting married
Was ‘the right thing’  to do.

So, Bruce went to speak to her father,
Who was doing yard work at the time.
“May I speak to you, Mr. Johnson?”
“Sure, Bruce. What’s on your mind?”

“Sir, I love your Jennie;
And Jennie, she loves me;
But we need your permission
To be married… to be “We.”

Impressed by Bruce’s courage,
He knew this confrontation must be tough.
He smiled and asked, “Bruce, are you sure
You love my daughter enough?”

Bruce’s face became stern, he said,
“Mr. Johnson, let me tell you…
I love Jennie so much…and she loves me.
We’re both sure it’s the right thing to do.”

He was moved by Bruce’s ardor,
But permission was not his to give.
So, quick as flash, he responded,
“But Bruce…where will you live?” 

“Sir, I measured her room;
Then I measured mine.
Hers is 40 percent bigger.
We’ll live there.  We’ll be fine.

If we have extra stuff,
We’ll keep that in my room.
We’ll keep our places neat and tidy.
You won’t even need a broom.

And both our parents can save money 
On babysitters too.
Even if you do things on the same night,
You’ll only need one sitter, not two.”

Mr. Johnson was impressed with his logic,
But this marriage idea was no longer funny.
He smiled and said, “That’s good thinking, Bruce;
But what are you gonna do for money?

“Why, Mr. Johnson, I get twelve-fifty a week allowance;
And let me remind you, Jennie also gets ten.
Throw in our birthdays and Christmas cash….
Why, we might even have money to lend.”

Desperate now, he thought, 
“Next, I guess they’ll want a car.”
Then he asked, “But Bruce, what if you have kids?”
"Aawww," blushed Bruce... “We’ve been lucky so far.”

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”


“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.

Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014

Details | Clerihew |


His lovely wife is named Heaven
She scolds him seventy times seven
Yet, Big Joe just never really cared
In Heaven he lives happily, hearing impaired!

Stacey Brown 2-6-14
Dr. Ram Mehta contest
Husbands are in heaven
whose wives scold not

Copyright © Stacey Brown | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

The Proposal

The sun was shining brightly 
As we drove around his land
And showing me his kingdom 
First, before he asked my hand

We stopped for cake and coffee 
It was almost half past two
And that tall man was shaking
When he told me I love you

He gently bent to kiss me 
His lips began shaking fast
I thought this was the moment
That he would ask me at last 

We climbed inside his Audi
Driving slowly to his farm
I thought this was the moment
When he gently touched my arm

But no, he was just helping 
Me kindly into the house 
We both walk in together 
Was he playing cat and mouse

At six o’clock he brought me 
Out to watch him milk the cows 
And sitting on the stone fence 
I watched as he fed the sows

I never thought he’d ask me
As I sat perched on my thrown 
Then came, will you marry me
And his farm became my home 

I know that’s not romantic 
In this land of poetry 
But standing in the manure 
Was better than bended knee

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 
Contest: Will you Marry Me
Judy Konos

Copyright © Brenda Meier-Hans | Year Posted 2014

Details | Light Poetry |


His proposal

Darling will you marry me?  I’ll love you for eternity 
With honour and hope all of my life, I want to make you my wife
My worldly goods will be yours and I’ll cherish you forever
In sickness and in health, I will leave you never.

Darling this is the best honeymoon, I have ever been on. 
Do you know where my golf clubs are? They seem to have gone.
No you can’t go shopping we cannot afford 
I have payments to make on my holiday abroad

Darling I need a shirt for tonight’s dinner,
I’m going to the golf clubs for the awards for the winner
No, you don’t need a new outfit, that one you have on will do
Why do you want a new one, that apron really suits you.

Darling we need the money that’s why you do the dishes
If I could afford to have you with me, it would grant me all my wishes.
My shoes need cleaning, I need clean underwear too
I don’t know why you haven’t done them you seem to have nothing to do.

Darling the grass needs cutting why have you left it so long
I think you should do it now, while I just listen to this song
You always say you are tired but I really don’t know why,
You only work twelve hours a day and that’s no reason to cry.

Copyright © Mandy Tams The Golden Girl | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |


When you want to get me in the mood
You strip down to your shorts
Tell me I look hot tonight
Strike poses of cohorts.
Sometimes I almost laugh out loud
We've been married thirty years
You'd think you'd know to drop my pants
Means entirely switching gears!

Do the dishes just one night
You'll be my studly man.
Run the vacuum, cook a meal,
I'll do you in our van!!!

It's funny how you can hear
My bra unhook from the street
But you can't hear a child crying
Right underneath your feet!!!

You want me to wear lingerie
Act like a dancer at a club?
But all I think is one more piece
Of dirty laundry in the tub!!

So here it is, my other half
So your efforts are no longer thwarted:
Get off your ass, take out the trash
That's sexy, and will be rewarded!!!

Copyright © Cindi Rockwell | Year Posted 2016

Details | Lyric |

Grow Old With Me

My dear,
There's nowhere I'd rather be,
Than by your side,
As you grow old with me.

I know we fight and carry on,
We wield our swords for all to see,
But darling I do love you so,
Settle in and please grow old with me.

When twilight sets and our bones creak,
When sunset is at the top of our hill,
When our passionate longing turns to comfort,
It is you I'll long for still.

When our luscious hair no longer grows,
When wrinkles show the many laughs,
When sighs replace sprints and jumps.
You'll still be my better half.

When our children are grown and living large,
When our teeth aren't as white or strong,
For every step I  take down that path,
My love I want you along.

When flying dishes are replaced with shrugs,
When our joints groan instead of snap to,
When our lives are like the setting sun,
Justin I want to be with you.

You are the green in my garden,
You are the red in my art,
You are the harmony in my song,
You are the love in my heart.

I know we sometimes brawl and spur,
I know we talk of ending it all,
But the truth is, Rocketpants, there's no one else
But with you whom I'll take the fall.

You are my strength, my grace, my inspiration,
You are my reflection when I'm at my best,
There's no one like you in this whole wide world,
I choose you above all the rest.

You fascinate me and leave me in wonder,
You spark my passion and calm my bones,
When your strong arms are wrapped around me,
I can exhale.  I'm finally home.

Let's walk this plain hand in hand,
But not too fast, let's take it slow,
Come grow old with me, my sweet love,
And we will walk together into the glow.

Copyright © Elisa Christensen | Year Posted 2016

Details | Limerick |

I Just Can't Win

My wife she says that at housework I suck,
she yelled "pick up a broom you idle schmuck!"
  But babe, cleanin and dustin 
  crimps my drinkin and lustin,
but she said "no dustin, no lustin!"...WTF!

               September 2014

Copyright © Keith Trestrail | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

It's Time for a Funny

Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?

Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?

Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.

I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!

For my sweet hubby     T Reams

Copyright © TAMMY REAMS | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

How to give a guy a premarital suitability exam

Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013

Details | Couplet |

HONEYMOON FROM HELL a collaboration with Jan Allison

Now the wedding had drawn to a close the ceremony past

We found ourselves together and thankfully alone at last

We packed our bibs and bobs into suitcases very quickly

Rushed straight out the door though I felt a little sickly

The shining taxi was waiting to whisk us away

Airport then plane our trip was finally underway

On the plane to his charms I was not immune

This was going to be our magical honeymoon

Coughing and spluttering in the hotel I did lay

Could not get out of bed each and every day

To cruise rugged fiords our plan said next

So out of my sick bed I raised perplexed

This is not what I was thinking to expect

Romance and passion seemed to disconnect

On a small ship along the rugged coast we then did sail

Reveling in the sweet air with every breath we inhaled

At last I thought my dream has finally come true

Our honeymoon would be joyous and not blue

At the Close of the day to the hotel we wandered

Through this night our love would not be squandered

 It was wishful thinking we were soon to realize

The honeymoon room had a bed but only single size

This is not what we expected when we happily set out

Dreams of intimate passion is what we thought about

The journey continued at a sedate pace

The wonderful views put a smile on our face

Sadly food poisoning hit me I was constantly sick

Sat hours in the toilets, hubby didn't’t take the Mick

I can now look back at my honeymoon from hell

Twenty four years married we are doing quite well

Copyright © Shane Cooper | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

The reluctant companion

The wife plans a spree to buy all
With husband on board at the mall
But as this takes place
He just looks for a space
To sit on a bench in the hall

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013

Details | Footle |


“Your spouse?” “ Big louse!” ,,,,,,, 7/8/2015 by nette onclaud Contest:Judy Konos' One Footle

Copyright © nette onclaud | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

I'm The Best

My wife always says I’m the best
A feeling which brought me much zest
One night wild thoughts flew
In search of a clue
I wondered just who were the rest

Copyright © Martin Kloess | Year Posted 2013

Details | Limerick |

Honeymoon Vacation

Just a honeymoon beach vacation,
a fine nuptial love celebration;
   we arrived a night early,
   we would find hotel surely:
“No rooms” was the sad proclamation.

“An hour away you might find one.”
They were right for we only found…NONE!!
  We got off beaten path.
  too tired then to laugh,
looked for a place “mom and pop” run.

Well, it must have been close to midnight,
exhausted the lady and her knight;
  we found Motel Warwick,
  a guest house illicit,
and christened our honeymoon site.

Copyright, July 13, 2014
Faye Lanham Gibson

Copyright © Faye Gibson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Verse |


                              My life is playing me
                              The whore that it is
                        Patient zero got it from her
               The whole world is without protection
                             My life is beating me
                                 The rod that it is
                The whales can’t ever stop moaning
                My whole world is with pain pollution
                             My life is breaking me
                                 The rock that it is
                        All quarries would be empty
       The whole world made of sand from a gods imagination
                              My life is scarring me
                            The raw wound that it is
                           A bed of corpses less gory
           My whole world is graveyard for hope and salvation
                              My life is leaving me
                           The whole time that it is
            My screams and shouts can’t even reach her
           The whole world racing to unknown destination
                              My life is killing me
                                The load that it is
             Drainages clogged, latrines like her mouth flowing
        My whole world pushing problems to disinfecting solution

Copyright © Moses Sichach | Year Posted 2015

Details | Footle |

A Zsa Zsa Marriage

Too fast to last. (it was either this or some Gruesome Twosome!) For Debbie Guzzi's Two Timer's Poetry Contest

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2012

Details | Light Poetry |


Heart-full love 
and beautiful queen,
It's difficult to get
both in one.

Sacred love
and spiritual partner,
If you don't like,
convince your mother.

Naughty love 
and dirty lady,
Before selecting
ask your daddy.

Casual love 
and stylish mate,
Always needs
handsome pocket.

Time pass love
and fancy girl,
Sufficiently available
in shopping mall.

Boring love
and tedious wife,
It's equivalent to
a blunt knife.

Copyright © Manmath Dalei | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |

Same Sex Marriage

Same Sex Marriage

Modification into a poem by Elton Camp

Though to comprehend the news they try
For some folks, its meaning passes them by

Two old ladies find they are extremely confused
Anger over same sex marriage has them bemused

"Susan," one of them now proceeds to say,
"Joe and I had the same sex for many a day."

"Actually, I feel without any trace of doubt,
It isn't worth people getting so upset about."

Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2012

Details | Ballad |

3 Husbands

Numero Un: 

To have and to hold, 
A Midas, 
Replete with gold.	

Lord of mountain hideaway, 
In Aspen, 
For family play.	

Manhattan penthouse 
Zooming Ferrari, 
Moneyed clout.	

Powerful and homely, 
Spawning ground, 
Socially comely.	

Numero Deux: 

To have and to hold, 
A Casanova, 
The force behold.

Sleepless nights, 
Monotonous rites.

Playful fun, 
Two bodies, 
Orgasmically one.

Always game, 
For another round, 
Of the same.	

Numero Trois: 

To have and to hold, 
An Aristotle, 
Intellectually bold.

Philosophy spewing, 
Tradition chewing.

Brainwork overtime, 
Prose and rhyme.

Original mind, 
Prejudices, immorality, 
Left far behind.

3 husbands, 
Heroes all 3, 
All with virtuous qualities.

Ahh……………. fantasy, 
3 rolled into 1
Can it ever be?

Copyright © Ritu Saheb | Year Posted 2016

Details | Narrative |

The Proverbial Hot Seat

As newlyweds we moved to Houston, where the traffic was insane.
I was finishing college there, and it made the commute a royal pain.
My husband told me emphatically to never park out in the road,
But one week he was out of town, and I figured he wouldn’t know.

I went next door to visit a friend, then suddenly we heard a loud bang.
It was gunfire, and shots that had ominously rang.
We looked out the window and it was utter chaos.
My van was being used as a shield, and the cops were in a face-off.

My heart was pounding as I thought of my poor van in the street,
Knowing when my husband found out, I would be in the proverbial hot seat.
Luck was on my side, and my van escaped without a scratch,
But it made the nightly news about the perilous shooting match.

I decided since there was no damage, I would just keep quiet.
About six months later I told my husband and broke my duplicitous silence.
He said, “I told you so,” and lectured me on where to park.
I vowed not to park there again, silently wishing I had left him in the dark.

Copyright © Brenda McGrath | Year Posted 2016

Details | Footle |


Raw moon Lips swoon Rooms locked Shirts dropped Flesh beams Love steams • • Kids cry Hots...bye! ~ Make Me Laugh Contest For Heather Ober 3 July 2013

Copyright © nette onclaud | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Second Marriage (Footle)

Second Marriage

First wife

gave strife

** for Brian Strand's Footle contest

Copyright © Sharon Tideswell | Year Posted 2010