Funny Jesus Poems | Funny Poems About Jesus

These Funny Jesus poems are examples of Funny poems about Jesus. These are the best examples of Funny Jesus poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Can I make an appointment with you

Dear Lord, I’d love to meet you. I’ll just check my diary now
To see when it’s convenient, so I can squeeze you in somehow.
Oh dear, it seems on Monday night I won’t be free.
I’ve made a new acquaintance, who has invited me for tea.
On Tuesday, I’ll be at the hairdressers fixing a new style.
So I’m afraid that day won’t do, ‘cause my hair might take a while.
I can pencil you in on Wednesday between twelve and one.
But I’m conscious that my meeting may go on and on and on.
Ah, Thursday might be better, but it’s very, very tight.
I’ll be preparing a meal for friends coming over that night.
Friday is not looking good; I’ve a report that needs completing
And after that, I apologise, I’ve booked another meeting.
Saturday is family day; and we have so many things planned.
You know how family is important; I’m sure you’ll understand.
Since I’m going to church on Sunday, I’m sure I’ll meet you there.
I guess we can catch up between the worship and the prayer.
But right now Lord, I’ve got to dash, I have no time to speak.
So hopefully we’ll rearrange and attempt to meet next week!


Copyright © Elayne Ogbeta | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

I Saw Jesus in My Coffee this Morning

I heard it percolating and I just knew it would be a most special cup

Every morning I anticipatedly go and wash out my old cup from the day before

The dread of doing dishes is always before me and with my meager income

Who can afford a maid anyways? Right?

I sit down to write as I do almost every morning 

And through the steam from my coffee cup I saw him

Yes I did! 

And you cannot convince me otherwise!

I saw Jesus right there in the middle of my coffee cup!

His reflection was brilliant and I almost saw his eyes of blue

I was smiling like never before and he was simply smiling back at me

Mona Lisa ain't got nothing on my Lord's smile!

And his smile is priceless too.

His smile is the only thing I long to see any time, anywhere, you name it!

Basically, what it boils down to is this...

You can find Jesus in anything if you really focus

I know I do!

Well, I gotta go now and enjoy my first and last cuppa coffee for the day!

gwendolen rix

Copyright © Gwendolen Song | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse | |

Smile anyway

It is better to love and lost Well, you have heard the saying                                               but what I was trying to say is to never love at all                                                             that would be sad and that would make a clown frown                                                       while searching for words to make you smile                                                                     Is that a trick question you are the one judging                                                                with that poetry police and destroying going on                                                             What thinketh a poet and you did not know it                                                                    it is all fun and games until you have won                                                                    Who made this a contest anyway needless to say                                                              I am going to give you a peace of my mind pardon pun or not                                   whether I win this contest or not I think                                                                          You should know You have already have one                                                                And by the way I hope you find all you are looking for                                                     love you like a sis and this I would have no one miss                                                        Jesus loves you  Thanks for sharing always                        *                            *                           - scientist find blue iceberg/ A blue iceberg is visible after the ice from above the water melts, causing the smooth portion of ice from below the water to overturn. The rare blue ice is formed from the compression of pure snow, which then develops into glacial ice.

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2013

Details | Blank verse | |

Pages of the Book

On earth on a Mission
purpose redefined with singleness of vision
clarity came cause i sat to look
through the pages of the book

Some days skipped with nothing to dine
some nights slept with nothing to wine
yet more nourished than a royal cook
for i am best fed from the pages of the book

When I lost focus and fell
drowning in the depths of the well
yet I was lifted by an unseen hook
as i flipped through the pages of the book

What about you my dear friend
when the terrestrial race comes to an end
and death vomits all that it ever took
will your name be found on the pages of the book

Copyright © Chukwuemeka Mbah | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

What is real

Look, to your left a pot of gold, this is not real.

Look, to your right a pot of silver, this is not real.

Look, down money all around, this is not real.

Look! Look! Up at the  sky Christ lives, now this is what is really real.

Copyright © Deborah Turner | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse | |

God you are funny

I will chase death and                                                                                                                                                        catch it                                                                                                                                                                                    then gum it to death                                                                                                                                                                   and with my last breath                                                                                                                                                      throw my false teeth at it

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2017

Details | Haiku | |

Jesus Haiku

Jesus, tell me what
heaven, hell, and God are like.
Like, quiz me on it.

Copyright © Vincent Caruso | Year Posted 2008

Details | Rhyme | |

the devil has fleas

wolf at the door he must flee                                 															Lion of the tribe of Judah has prevailed                 															 Hail Hail Jesus the jubilee 																	Pup he has no teeth running tuck tailed 																he he no you can not eat me 																	 The wolf's wail short the truth be taled                                                                                                                 							Who my Lord Jesus set free free indeed 															  	 Jesus pulls the devil is curtailed                                                                                                    ~                                                                                                                                          obselete word with definition- Date "Taled" was first used in popular English literature: (1369) -Verb Past Tense1. Past tense conjugation of the verb tale.
Verb Base  and Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) (tale) 1. To tell stories.
2. Base verb from the following inflections: taling, TALED, tales, taler, talers, talingly and taledly - The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, - tale [te?l]
n 1. a report, narrative, or story 2. (Literary & Literary Critical Terms) one of a group of short stories connected by an overall narrative framework

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2012

Details | Quatrain | |

Sing the Truth

The Lord is my predator, 
All people that on earth do sell, 
Shine Jesus Shine, be my imprisoner, 
Abide with me in hell. 

Love divine, all love extinguishing, 
The Church is one abomination, 
At the cross I’m diminishing, 
The Holy City is an infestation. 

Nearer my god, you to fee, 
To god by the tall story, 
The old rugged cross pee’s me
What a friend we have in Jesus, rivalry. 

Onward Christian soldiers, off the cliff, 
He who would valiant be is delusional, 
It is well with my soul, a tiff, 
Rock of ages, Sunday dinner, my cholesterol. 

Be thou my vision, it’s very blurry here, 
Crown him with many frowns, 
Fight the good fight queer, 
Blessed assurance our saviour drowns. 

Just a closer boke with thee, 
Jesus shall train where e’re the sun, 
When peace like a river shall pee, 
Tell me the old, old story, no fun. 

Guide me oh thou great redeemer into biology, 
It is well with my soul when I say no to you, 
For all the saints you’re not in sociology, 
Beneath the cross of Jesus you are not the dew.

Copyright © Rhoda Monihan | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse | |

Out on a limb (aka- what WOULD Jesus do???)

Tail swingin’ from branch to branch
Leaves rustling rush
Trapeze artistry 
Burlesque style
Noonday sun
Way more than fun.

Evolution eschewed fur
so the people could make clothes
‘cause they like to be busy
and pretty
and are easily bored.
Or perhaps God didn’t want people to play in trees
without their clothes on
at least not for long.
Inklings of overexposure
feel like impending sunburn
overwhelming in light of
blisters  past

Miles and miles
of wild west highways
teaches mirages
look exactly like water
til you’re right there on top ‘em.

How much further, Jesus?
Hold the course?
Take a right?
Gettin' mighty thirsty here.

But then again,
betcha Jesus
doesn’t have a tail.

Better ask another monkey.

Copyright © Nancy Jones | Year Posted 2007

Details | Free verse | |

Precipice Of Love

When we are in you that is true, running patiently walking in love                                       Precept upon precept the crescendo. The infatuation before it's time                                   But the true love watched me fall and offered His hand                                                   As the puppy love was crushed, by her words but not failing to build again                   Rebounding to new heights for a new friend; the sweet heart of then                                  Tumbling head over heels, casually growing into something that was not love at all              but feeling good out weighed the broken heart, so it seemed                                              Saying I love you, to go my own way but that carried more burdens than I knew                 But the true love watched me fall and offered His hand                                                    Yet I dusted myself off, then climbing again. If not a person then maybe in something. I found it to be weightless, yet when I fell, it hurt worse than them all                                 For falling deeper, brought me to the edge of another insanity                                          Yet the search for love compelled me. Rushing back to the top of the slope                          There looking out, thinking I do not even know. What love is?                                            Not in faces or things or even my dreams. Then I'll stop looking                                  Walking blindly and numb, falling over and over all that was before                                 But the true love watched me fall and offered His hand                                                 This time listening, I heard RUN but already ran. SO RUN AGAIN                                     Looking from teary eyes, yet leaping over obstacles of before. To now see the many kinds of love. Some from the earth, some from above coming to the edge of the cliff                   The height, the depth, the breadth; there is no end to His true love when you enter in         So I leaped into love's true hand, by His grace the Lord Jesus, I am flying this time             then He set me on the rock of His forgiving love, that I did not deserve                               He fills me with His true love from above. To love Him and all others                                 Running patiently walking in love but my true love watched me fall and offered His hand

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Dear Dracula,

There’s nothing to explain,
We know you’re homicidal,
And we realize it’s no game,
You simply kill for survival.

There’s a much better way 
to live life eternally
You can even enjoy the day
And stop existing nocturnally.

You see, Jesus conquered death
On the cross once for us all
Put your trust and faith in Him
And let this parasitic life dissolve.

But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. —1 Corinthians 15:57

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2016

Details | Couplet | |

A Girl for Jesus

A girl for Jesus.  A story untold.
Except for the rumor; he's kept and controlled.
An opposite lover; one evil I'm told.
Who keeps him in line with hands that are cold.

You're prayers keep him busy.
In answering each one.
Though it's really his honey.
He longs to be from.

So ask him forgiveness.
For everything done.
And wait for his answer.
That Several may come.

His time is not money.
Or luck as we know.
But a curse; to a cry; o'ver someone; to crow.
And if you feel sorry.  Pitty him some.
Remember he loves her; no matter where from.

Behold a great halo.
Some say overdone.
For if you look closely.
Surrounding someone.

Copyright © Trevor McLeod | Year Posted 2007

Details | Light Poetry | |

Jonah's Reason

For Jonah, it began with a word
to travel awhile
to preach against the vile
but he pretended he hadn’t heard.

We know the story
swallowed by the whale
it’s quite a tale
that ends in God’s glory.

But do you know why he ran?
He thought the vile did not deserve
the mercy in God’s reserve
like he did… a righteous man.

Today I choose never to deny
the mercy of the Son
from any wicked one
for there might be a whale nearby.

*Refers to the book of Jonah from the Holy Bible.

Copyright © Kim Bond | Year Posted 2013

Details | Questionku | |

Christians Say Jesus Is God

Jesus came along when the god meme had become dietary
The next step was to make god into a man, not a woman, 
Where is Jessica? 

Copyright © Rhoda Monihan | Year Posted 2016

Details | Epic | |


as we celebrate that glorious event known as Palm Sunday
what do you think that donkey Jesus rode would have to say?
to ride on a donkey was once regarded as a symbol of peace
a state that we in this modern era just can't seem to reach
but I'm so glad that I serve a God of peace and harmony
and I'm so glad that He sent His Son Jesus to save me

Jesus came into town riding on an untamed ass
the people were so joyful they threw palm leaves across His path
but He was not the type king that they expected
and before the week was out by them He was rejected
I often wondered what was on the mind of that untamed beast
on the day that Jesus rode him into the midst of that feast
never before to have been ridden by any type of being
so what do you think that donkey was spiritually receiving?
the Gospel according to an ass
to know that the Prince of Peace has come at last

God has a plan for each of us and it's full of His mercy and grace
but in order to receive it you need to be in the right place
positioned for your purpose you just need to be
in that place where of you the Lord our God can see
for when God is ready to move in your life you need to be found
in the right place at the right time standing on higher ground

Jesus needed that beast at that appointed hour
and it was positioned by Father God's almighty power
its destiny to be ridden by Jesus the Christ the Son
a triumphant symbol of peace because its time had come

a donkey is usually perceived as difficult, stubborn and headstrong
but is an intelligent beast just don't lead it in a way that is wrong
they have a sense of perception and self-preservation
are very easy to train just don't put it in a precarious situation
it was sure-footed and purposely positioned in the right place
the Gospel according to an ass to be ridden with God's saving grace

it was a kyros moment it was a sight to be seen
on the  back of an ass Jesus the Christ, the King of Kings
in the right place with the proper perspective positioned for its purpose at last
and that is the Gospel according to an ass

Copyright © louise nelson | Year Posted 2009

Details | Free verse | |

Divine Intervention

Sneezing fit on the freeway.
Carrie Underwood's 'Jesus, Take The Wheel' playing on the radio.
It's nice when things work out.

Copyright © Tate Papworth | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse | |

Hardcore satanists

world wars your mongering for
the big satanic bloodbath
more appealing to god
then two homosexual men
The devil may cry
my favorite angel facing a feat of unequal measure
since you know soo much about him
live it everyday
you never let him live this down
just work on making yourselves miserable
you look soo happy that way
words you read by the best
your own walking contradiction
so caught up in getting what you want at anycost
you forgot what he wanted
and there is a price to pay
signed yourself up for a fight that isnt yours
the rules you live by
they are enforced
you cant scramble away from this fast enough
the lie you live for power
lesser of two evils presented to you
path of least resistance corners you again
sing yourself to suicide ever soo sweetly
the shortest straw has no alibi
and i think its funny
Jesus has some truth to tell him
slip the witch a missing letter
she doesnt mind bringin him back to life
even the devil you know
splattered all over your pages
the philosophy you seem to live everyday
offered you a short term power
and we just throw you away
came to get my favorite angel
something youve been denying yourself the whole time
trivial pursuit of endless lies manipulating yourselves this way is such a shame
now i'm not obligated to help you
you had a choice
the game of life you signed up for is coming round again
faster than you think
your underground rivalry of seeking after power
i paid the devil to see if you would make this mistake
then you did and i agreed he could do the dirty work in jesus name
the truth will get you in karmic laws you forgot about
threefolds of being humbled
and humbled and humbled again
wont even help you, you cant get away
hardcore satanists dressed up as saints messing up their own destiny
did the world not tell you
life is a test?
you were tested
you failed
the devil was in on it
enjoy your bloodbaths of endless wars in hell
the world kept this under rug swept
and now for you there is no way out
paid the devil for me
and jesus will eventualy set him free from the you he doesnt want
your not fathoming this properly
jesus was tortured so you wouldnt be
the letter gone missing
now whose got a face to blame
hardcore satanists
my favorite angel loves me
he wouldnt allow me to live this nightmare
so hes taking you far far away

Copyright © Troy Jeremy Nelson | Year Posted 2010

Details | Didactic | |

Don't Let The Stuff You Get, Get You

we all have worldly possessions, we all have some stuff
those material things of which we can't seem to get enough
you never realize how much stuff you've got until you have to move out
an overabundance of possessions, the stuff you can't seem to do without

eventually you'll be separated from your stuff and it will be separated from you
for when you finally leave this earth don't think you can take it too
somebody else will be rocking in your chair and  watching your HDTV
somebody else will now have all that stuff on which you spent all your money
your children won't treat any of your stuff the same as you would
so don't let the stuff  you get get you for in the end it won't do you any good

one day my son invited me over to see his new apartment
and while there he gave me a drink and then made a strange comment
he said "dad, you'll need a coaster so don't put that wet glass on my table"
I told him "what about all of MY stuff that he's destroyed since the day he left his cradle"
you need to develop a duck's oily back mentality
and let the little annoyances in life roll off of thee

one day while Jesus was speaking a parable, a young man did interrupt
he wanted Jesus to talk to his brother about sharing their father's stuff
Jesus said, "Who told you that I have come here to judge,
My purpose for being is to speak life to you, I'm not here to settle a grudge"
mankind has developed a condition, a sin known as greed
for an abundance of  possessions, the stuff we think we need
but that is not the major problem that most men do possess
it's that they're not humbled enough to give God His proper address

people tend to forget that all they have comes from God's mercy and grace
they tend to think that they're the ones in control in the first place
if you're over-bearing, self-centered and disdainful you'll be labeled a foolish man
if you don't learn to give honor, glory and thanks to God for His righteous hands
for no man has the authority to assume he's in control
not even the richest or the smartest man can save his own soul
not even the poorest or the dumbest man can circumcise his own heart
people need to understand that all the glory belongs to the Lord God

so don't let the stuff you get get you, all those things you possess
remember you can't take it with you and it won't make your testimony progress
so don't be selfish about your stuff and to  God be arrogant and rude
remember He's in control of everything and He does not suffer fools


Copyright © louise nelson | Year Posted 2007

Details | Blank verse | |

Finding Jesus

I found Jesus in a cereal box,
flakes tumbled inconsistently,
pauses between each one,
and in one such pause fell

Shrink-wrapped, sermonising,
prayer-clasped hands,
and bright haloed.

Sadly, I traded him
for he had less hit points
than Pikachu.

When all you receive
are scraps from the
table of life,
finding Jesus is no big deal,
when more hit points
are your real salvation…


Copyright © Tony Bush | Year Posted 2005