Funny Beach Poems

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Details | Limerick |
On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay

10 April 2015

Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015

Details | Verse |
Don't rush to wash off the sea salt 
drying on your skin;
the hopes it carries from other oceans,
those remain yet to be seen.

Copyright © A.O. Taner | Year Posted 2016

Details | Limerick |
Soon the curious swelled to a mob.
as they gathered to gape at the glob.
Someone prods with a stick.
as another screams: " Quick!"
"We must run for our lives! It's the Blob!"

Copyright © Gerard Keogh Jr. | Year Posted 2010

Details | Quatrain |
Miles of broken, sunbaked seashells,
resembling pieces of porcelain of lesser value,
lying across a populous beach subdued by misty blue,
as hungry sea-gulls pounce the fiddler's crabs..

The beach entertainer draws huge crowds;
singing funny songs and making comic skits
by spicing up his unique modus operandi,
and modestly mocking his modus vivendi...

He has never made lots of money,
but settles for dollar bills to earn their sympathy;
dressed in tight and colorful ministrel's attire,
he amuses the public with his monkey-shine...

And he pulls out his fiddler and the crowds go wild,
awakening, by its high-pitched sound, a dope fiend,
who has built a temporary shack threatened by the blowing sand;
He puts on his sunglasses and disappears in the groovy sunshine...

The beach entertainer follows him, leaving everyone behind
saying," Sorry, brother...I didn't mean to wake you up, the bum turns around  taking off his lenses.
and exclaims, " Music doesn't fill an empty and aching belly...and cheer up a feeble mind! "
" Here's all I got...take it and get something to eat!" He says stretching his hands.

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Copyright © Andrew Crisci | Year Posted 2009

Details | Limerick |
 In the cold sea my pants fell down and sunk,
 And when I came out part of me had shrunk.
   Girls pointed as I'd hurtle,
  "OMG! a frightened turtle!"
 Hey! C'mon, that's no turtle, that's my junk!


        Inspired by a Seinfeld episode.

                   October 2014

Copyright © Keith Trestrail | Year Posted 2014

Details | Epic |
So, as we say in Greece
That’s where I’ll End my story
For the things that happen next
Weren’t made for song of glory

So many Tails, throughout the ages
Have spoke of love and loss
Of  passions and betrayals
The triumphs and the cost

But never was one told
That meant as much to me
To launch a thousand ships
And survived through history

And with every great Greek story
There’s a lesson to be learn
So, I’ll leave you with this message
Now the last page, has been turned 

The moral still stands true
Throughout all time, which passes
Don’t steal a person’s love away
And beware Greeks bare-ing asses 

THEE END                   Authored By Jerry T Curtis 
                                       The Year of The Horse

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse |
Flesh on show and sun tan lotion
bodies laid on towels or sun lounges 
By the ocean
Salty air wind blown hair
Music streaming from the near by fair
Baby screaming nappies full
Cool guys looking for babes on the pull
Sun shades and floppy hats
Grown men playing cricket with ball and bats 
Sand castles and buckets and spades
Candy floss and lemonade
Father With binoculars pretending to look out to sea
Or read a newspaper but really looking at the bathing beauties
Bikinis and manknies G strings tight where the sun don't shine
Hot dogs and hamburgers the popping of corks from bottles of wine
Hairy legs and wrinkled skin
child almost drowning couldn't swim
Muscle bound Life guards with muscles to impress
Granma lost her false teeth
Dropped between her breasts
Ice creams and summer dreams
Young child peeing in the sea
Among the swimmers splashing about with glee
People playing beach ball and football
Mother calls come on all it's time for tea
Large Busty woman running like jelly on a plate
Wobble wobble
And nearly starting an earthquake
Sand between your toes
Sun burn on your nose
Sweaty arm pits sweaty bums
Toffee apples and bleeding gums
Sea gulls flying screeching high above
Clear blue sky pure white dove
Watching the frothy waves stretch upon the shore
Watching the horizon and tiny boats 10 miles away or more
Dogs running here and there
Sweets being passed around to share
Crabs and shrimps and other critters in a rocky pool
Children with fishing nets and jars to take them back to school
Para gliders pulled by speed boats high in the sky
Oh why do people want to risk life
As they could die
Postcards to write people on there bikes
The smell of fish and chips
Children with jam around their lips
Couples walking hand in hand barefoot on warm sand
Treasured memories and photo's to cherish
Suitcases packed feeling unwound and relaxed
Can't wait until next year when they come back.

Peter Dome.copyright.2013. July.

Copyright © Peter Dome | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |
I commute down the highway quite early each morn:
South toward the seashore, days work to be done.
Half way to the ocean, traveling north through the sky;
A large flock of sea gulls, passes me by.

They too have their work load cut out for the day:
At the nearest large land-fill, on their ravenous way.
Traveling ever far inland away from the sea:
They will spend the day scouring town dumps for debris.

The hours pass slowly: comes the end of my day,
I drive the same highway to a home far away.
I see in the distance flying back to the shore;
The same flock of seagulls, but hungry no more.

I can never help smile when I meet them again,
These feathered shoplifters, heading where I have been.
Life's very well ordered for these ‘foul’ of the sea,
Who each day earn a living, stealing smelly debris.

Dusk finds them at shore line with short, squawk filled flights,
They will then disappear to where gulls go at night.
And with a new morning; I will greet them once more:
On their way to those landfills, from their home at the shore.

Copyright © Diane Lefebvre | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme |
The busy Moon forgot about the Tide.
She left it out all day upon the sand.
And when it found itself alone topside,
there mischief was immediately at hand.

It washed the muddy Rocks until they shone,
then dragged in trash to mess them up again,
it chilled the chubby babies to the bone
and tugged their pudgy feet to pull them in.

It rearranged the peaceful ocean floor
and wrapped the kelp into a tangled wreath,
then turned up all the driftwood on the shore
and tickled every creature underneath.

It tricked the Fishermen it came across
by pulling at the lines they'd cast about,
took cages that it saw the Trappers toss
and let the little Crabs and Lobsters out.

It fooled with every Fish that floated by,
it sprayed the Seagulls when they flew too near,
it pooled in spots it KNEW the Sun liked dry
and played with all the boats along the pier. 

It sueezed the baby Squid until they laughed
then painted funny pictures with their ink
and after it had taught them all this craft,
it swirled away like water down a sink.

It called to Clouds that hung around the sky
and asked to meet them halfway in between
then teased them until they began to cry
but just to make it rain, not to be mean...

The Tide adored its mischief and it would
have gleefully continued on its spree
but for the Moon, who for the greater good,
came up at last and let it out to sea!

Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |
Georgy ran as Georgy can
Across the hot white shifting sand,
His hot foot shuffle
Caused such a kerfuffle,
Kicking sand up as he ran.

Copyright © john williams | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

In 'Sixty I went to the shore
A hot summer day, so I wore
My handmade swimsuit
It was very cute
Expecting I was, and I swore,

It looked just as nice as can be
My tummy was covered, you see
The shorts were cut out
For belly to sprout
Top flared over shorts demurely.

At once came along a great wind
My top flew right up and chagrined
By this great surprise
To see with my eyes
My tummy exposed as bare-skinned!

But now in these new modern days
No problem with bumps that amaze
Those covered or bare
Don't bring on a stare
When dressed up in clingy arrays

Back then we were less indiscreet
Maternity clothes for the street
Were tents that flowed wide
To hide what's inside
Our bumps took a private backseat!

So when my bare belly stuck out
So shocked, I spun 'round with a shout
Grabbed towel up fast
Embarrassed, aghast!
I covered it up without doubt!

Sandra M. Haight

~1st Place!
Contest: Humor Contest
Sponsor: Carol Eastman
Judged: 06/08/2016


Copyright © Sandra Haight | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme |
I saw you playing on the beach,
the sky so blue but out-of-reach.
You started throwing sand so high
it hit the sun right in the eye!
He pulled the clouds around his head
like fluffy pillows from a bed.
Then rain poured down from darkened sky;
You didn’t mean to make him cry.

Copyright © Rita A. Simmonds | Year Posted 2016

Details | Footle |
Two girls
With curls  

Sit near
The peer

See guy
Walk by

Big hat
So fat  

He trips
Then flips

On Bum
So stunned

Best feat
At beach.

Written on 6/5/2015

Copyright © Laura Leiser | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |
Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!

~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!

Copyright © JW Earnings | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |
It happened so many years ago
I remember it like today
The sun was hot you had to know
When Granny went swimming I say

Now Granny's eyes had a twinkle
She was loved by one and all
Not ashamed of any wrinkle
Trouble walking since her fall

So the two o us we helped her
Walk into the water so blue
And as we mad the water stir
What would happen no one knew

Now Granny was a show off
She had a trick or two
We stood back just far enough
To see what she can do

Granny did a perfect front roll
In water never the less
When up she came it took a toll
She was in a great big mess

For Granny had no teth at all
She lost them with her trick
The grand kids laughed they had to crawl
While the adults were queasy and sick

Diving and diving we kept it up
We had to find those teeth
A Grand Kid using a discarded cup
Found those teeth in water beneath

Now as I walk that beach today
Those memories keep coming
Of the day that Granny lost her teeth
And the fun we had in sunning

True story. We love and miss Granny.
June 8th, 2013.

Copyright © Rick Zablocki | Year Posted 2013

Details | Blitz |
give it away
give it all
all for what
all for nothing
nothing you bet
nothing yil get
get out there quick
get lost in a ditch
ditch ya wife
ditch ya dog
dog won’t miss ya
dog'll piss ya
ya think yiv got it down
ya haven’t been down under
under what ya say?
under what ya pray?
pray it ain't worth a zack
pray your honey aint outback
outback’n the wild roo’s nestin’ kick
outback and back again he’s slick
slick and kicking for a noice steak
slick and mad as a cut snake 
snake’s got death in his bite
snake’ll ruin a weddin orright
orright’cha got two seconds tah think
orright your seconds gone yeh in a stink
stink in heaps
stink the dunny rat he is
is you thinking in the wild to slack off
is you ready to rack off
off to the waters in a hurray mate
off to the sandy slates run clean
clean as a bottler at sea
clean as ya ever can see
see here we all left our lives
see this is where we feel alive
alive in the wild far from the loo
alive away from the crazy blue
blue sea soppin the sand around
blue surroundin this land we’re proud
proud in the danger of ever
proud to amaze whoever
whoever ya meet
whoever ya see
see chance give it a burl
see um tackle the crock in a curl
curl on his back is a good going off
curl in his teeth yiv gotcha limb torn off

For the Down Under contest
Sponsored by:  Debbie Guzzi
*Don’t think I did this quite right! Though it was fun to try anyhow ^___^

Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015

Details | Couplet |
Waves are rolling kids laugh silly
Off my feet what fun oh dilly

For Andrea's Contest

Copyright © Rick Zablocki | Year Posted 2013

Details | Limerick |
To the lake to the lake,
Fish to fry clams to bake.
This has been grandmother's cry
Now on birthdays she brings rye,
If just once she'd bring a cake.

Copyright © Richard Breese | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse |

Getting back on my feet again
Show me the end, show me the end
Give me a road to follow
I will throw you a passage or two

Get yourself right, get out my face
I need a new way, I need a new way
An easy way to start my day
All though I can't get enough of you 
There are times you are in my way

Our hearts don't beat as one
Call me a fool,
I set my foot down 
I keep you as my friends, no rules

Tomorrow will be another day
Do not give in to me
We are still both fish in the sea
Stuffy stuff, you got me at suffocate 
We do not relate
Still I love you

How else can this be fetched out
If I reel you in, sometimes I need you my friend
Stop putting yourself in doubt
This has no end

Don't get yourself all worked out
It will be me and you, a sweet walk on the beach
I see nothing wrong in deceiving you
I'm so funny, I'll have you sticking around like a leech

How many times do I have to push and shove
My feeling are troubled, but in love
Until then my love, 
I will keep you posted


Copyright © Poet Destroyer A | Year Posted 2010

Details | Footle |

notion !


Beach wear
despair !

a sale

the maze


is bleak



Too small
too tall

Too slim
Too grim



From rear
Some tears

The thighs
the sighs


Buy none
Bye fun !!   

No sun
No fun !!

Beached whale
Bleached, pale !!    :(
6/8/15   For Five Fabulous Footles Contest
Sponsored by Jan Allison

Copyright © Carrie Richards | Year Posted 2015

Details | Acrostic |
Beaming sun upon my back
Establish my summer days
A beach, my boys, a blanket, and
Cold drinks, as I soak my rays
Hoping to darken my tan

Bronzing as the babies play
Lotioned head-to-toes
Applied Aveeno Baby, even to their nose
No frowns for the camera, 1-2-3, strike a pose.
Keen eye set on them, as the breeze gently blows
Easy and relaxed, my eyes begin to doze
Todd takes patrol, so I can repose & lay

Bestirred by buckets of water
Ice cold on sunkissed flesh
Now they're gonna get it good, I
Grab the cooler full of ice, and rush
Out in the sun, our time is spent the best

~Miranda Lambert~
Contest: Beach Blanket Bingo - Sweetheart

Copyright © Wandering Butterfly | Year Posted 2011

Details | Sonnet |
The May Bahama breezes rustled fronds of palm trees very common on the beach. And he, with an affinity for blondes, was drawn to one who seemed within his reach. Encompassed by white sand and azure sea, embraced by warming rays, she, sweet and thin, a present for his eyes now seemed to be, well-wrapped in golden tissue - smooth, young skin. The challenge often facing him was gone - no need to guess, by checking cleavage out, the looks of what he fondly gazed upon. Her luscious mangoes bared left him no doubt. Engaged in sport, he thanked his lucky star he’d packed binoculars to see so far! 7/31/12 For the Funny Poem Contest of craig cornish

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2012

Details | Limerick |
My eyes nearly popped out of my head
On the beach she was tanned and spread
    Then a shadow appeared
    Oops, her husband i feared
I'm now looking at steaks instead

Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2010

Details | Limerick |
There's a ripped, good looking guy...
gals, don't assume he's quite and shy!
Watch how he models:
he flexes his muscles...
winking at ladies strolling by!

Copyright © Andrew Crisci | Year Posted 2010

Details | Limerick |
There once was a donkey called Tommy
Who the kids all thought was funny.
The icecream van he would reach,
when giving rides at the beach.
Then stop dead 'till they all got a lolly.

Copyright © JEAN MURRAY | Year Posted 2016

Details | Couplet |
Copyright © 2015

In the Banana Republic, you
can meet senorita in the sand.
A day from work, pesos in
hand, head for the sand. No
stress, the women are the best

Pretty senoritas ready to rub
a pirate's chest, chest full
of pirate's loot, and no one
gives a hoot.

Away from slaving everyday, the
discos and beaches are the way,
away from motorists trying to
run over everyone's feet

White men still come to Paradise,
paradise island and sunrise. He
says, island people sure are nice.

No wars, just lots of girls in bars,
and even ugly tourists can be stars.
Many island men sure seem happy with
them old ladies in the sand. They always
come back, leaving ole Sir Jack.

No stress, no mess, the Caribbean Islands
are the best.

by: LPruitt
**(on Facebook w/photo/theme: North Coast Poetry Society)

Copyright © Les Pruitt | Year Posted 2015

Details | Pastoral |
It's summer, It's hot 
and I'm praying It won't rain
on my way to the beach
riding the F train
I get to Coney Island 
and from the boardwalk I see the sand
looking out towards the ocean
on the beach I now stand

a day at the beach
I can hardly wait
to sit under the rays of the sun
and play in the waves
I lay down my  blanket
and set-up my umbrella stand
I place my cooler of goodies
firmly in that sand
I slather on the sun blocker
for I need protection
I stand at the water's edge
at look down at my reflection

a day at the beach
frolicking in the ocean's waves
a memory form childhood
that I will treasure and save

Copyright © louise nelson | Year Posted 2007

Details | Light Poetry |
I know a seagull named freckle head Sam,
 he plays on the beach in the hot sand.
Likes Wildwood and Cape May too,
 because there's always something to do.
Eats curly fries right from your hand,
 that dirty seagulll freckle head Sam.
Pretzels, popcorn, and ice cream too,
 he eats everything you know it's true.
So beware if your out on the beach,
 keep your food out of reach.
For freckle head Sam is always close by,
 ready to swoop down from the sky.


Copyright © Joseph Sergi | Year Posted 2013

Details | Epic |
Sitting on the beach shore,
playing soundly by the sea,
I caught a glimpse of a baby!

I told my mother and she laughed,
she told me I was daft!
but when I told her the baby was drowing in the sea,
she started getting very worried.

My daddy put his book down,
and gave me a concerned frown,
he said that I had gone mad,
which made me terribly sad.

There's a baby drowning!
And my parents did nothing,
so I plunged into the cold sea,
to retrieve that drowning baby.

I could see her there infront of me,
smiling very happily,
and I reached out to save her,
I realised she was swimming!
How could a baby swim?

I grabbed hold of her,
but realised she was plastic!
How silly I am,
to have thought that a baby could possibly swim!

As I brought the smimming doll to the shore,
I could hear my brother laughing.
A little girl retreived the swimming doll,
for it was hers after all.

My father has told the story since,
while eating his delicous mince.
I loathe my eyes for tricking my brain.
I'll make sure this will never happen again.

Copyright © Evelyn-Jane O'Heenan | Year Posted 2017

Details | Couplet |
Welcome to my house on the beach,
Where there are condos for $5 each

I, for one, am an interesting figure,
With my siamese fish who likes to paint pictures

And my single daughter Rosie,
Who's immune to posie

This place is somewhere with two sides,
You live your life first, and after you die.

I died at thirty-eight
From tripping down stairs just after I ate

Welcome to my house on the beach,
Come on inside and we can enjoy a peach!

Copyright © Alex McKenna | Year Posted 2012