It Matters Not
It hovers here, a moon opaque,
obscuring mountain trails I take.
No other living things appear.
A moon opaque. . . It hovers here.
I follow on along a ledge;
below a swirling river’s edge.
In front of me, the canyon’s yawn.
Along a ledge, I follow on.
I see no hue when fog congeals.
Oh, doom of one who no more feels!
The moon has fled, as so have you.
When fog congeals, I see no hue.
Now all is dim; it matters not.
My dear one’s heart I have not got.
No use in living without him.
It matters not. Now all is dim.
At peace I’ll be if I should fall
to murky water from this wall.
Oh, yawning canyon, swallow me.
If I should fall, at peace I’ll be.
I imagine that for a few, suicide feels like the way to peace from suffering, and when the desire for peace is that strong, I do not really think it can be prevented.
Written in Swap Quatrain Form with iambic tetrameter.
In this form, created by Lorraine M. Kanter,
each stanza in the poem must be a quatrain (four lines) where the
first line is reversed in the fourth line.
Rhyming pattern: aabb, ccdd and so on
Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013
I am forever blue,
Just like the sky,
All the rain that falls on you,
Is how I feel when I cry.
I am deep blue like the sea,
Barely breathing beneath the waves,
How lonely can one be?,
There's nothing left here to save.
This feeling is not once in a blue moon,
It lasts all day and night,
It's as deep as a blue lagoon,
With no end in sight.
The frosty air is so cold,
On this blue December night,
Here is what my future holds,
And I know it isn't right.
My whole life has been so blue,
With so many turns like a river,
The water is so cold now, too,
It makes me really shiver.
My future is so blue,
And this is my only end,
I want to tell you, I love you,
Because you're my only friend.
Copyright © Kelly Deschler | Year Posted 2013
Sponsor: Nayda Ivette Negron
We built a remembrance sight just for you, dear sister,
a granite bench with a poem engraved with your name,
I could always count on you to be my number one listener,
dear sister, since you died we’ve never been the same.
After your burial we had no clue what to do with your memoirs,
so every piece of memory you saved was stored in my garage,
I let the boxes sit for a few years like a natural reservoir,
that one Friday night I could’ve sworn I saw your mirage.
High school yearbooks, basketball awards and report cards,
also an old jewelry box I handed down to my daughter,
I can’t believe how your dear niece took your death so hard,
but faith and acceptance I am hoping to have taught her.
I still watch your videos so I may always remember your voice,
rewind…play…rewind…play… I hope to never forget,
somewhere way deep down I realize you always had a choice,
now I live in this depressing world full of sorrow and regret.
Flashbacks of the appalling last few weeks of your short life,
all the mania, car accident while drinking and driving,
you left us all tortured from your loss and ruined your wife,
this is why my pen flows freely as I continue my writing.
Tiny mementos and pictures placed gently all over my home,
frames with cards from you and letters you have written,
It’s hard but when I recall good times I know I’m not alone,
in the backyard I sway in the rocking chair you used to sit in.
There was an unfortunate flood during a mid-summers day,
I had no clue that the garage window was cracked,
all the items I was saving were sadly washed away,
those tangible memories I will never get back.
Date Written: May 5, 2016
Copyright © Laura Loo | Year Posted 2016
Lightning flashes and the rain falls
as the storm rages on tonight,
the family is so worried about you
and wanting to know you're alright.
Late, last Sunday afternoon
you tried to take your own life,
twice with the same medication
that was supposed to end your strife.
You were taken away and we don't
even know where you are right now,
but everyone is just hoping
that you can comeback somehow.
What ever happened to you,
that caring person you once were,
who could always make me laugh
oh, how I do remember her.
You took care of me when
I needed someone to be there,
so many good memories flash back
of the fun times we would share.
We are all still wondering why
you are suffering in depression,
and how could you ever hurt us
with such unexpected aggression.
You left your teenage son
alone in a state of panic and fear,
now we can only wish and wait
for some kind of real cure.
I wrote this after my aunt tried to commit suicide last Sunday, June 15th.
Thankfully, she was not successful. She has been struggling with depression
for about 10 years and this is the worst state that we've ever seen her in.
Our family and the doctors keep trying to help her, but nothing has worked yet.
So, we will have to wait and see where things go from here, as we still have no
word on her current condition.
We are not a religious family, but it might help if you could send out your
positive thoughts, and maybe keep us in your prayers during this difficult
and confusing time.
Copyright © Kelly Deschler | Year Posted 2014
I’m sick of this world
Sick to the core
And I can’t forgive
Or pretend anymore
I smile but I’m crying
I am through being kind
I hate people playing
Around with my mind
I know I’m naive
I know I’m a fool
But it’s hard to see
How you can be cruel
You just carry on
Pretend I’m ok
When all that I want
Is to end this day
I just want to hide
I want to break free
From all who torment
And who torture me
I’ve just had enough
Enough of these tears
Enough of this life
Enough of these fears
It’s just too damn hard
To get it all right
To deal with this hurt
To sleep through the night
My heart is broken
This isn't a joke
I guess it happened
From all that you spoke
You didn't say sorry
You just walked away
You think I’m a stone…
Or some game to play
I’m heaving with sobs
I struggle, and cry
Try to understand
Your sick reason why
Want to crawl in bed
And lock myself in
What you’ve done to me
Is surely a sin
I’m sick, I’m alone
You’ve gouged out my heart
Go and now and sleep tight
While I fall apart.
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Copyright © Eileen Manassian | Year Posted 2013
What was going through your head
When you decided to end your life
Did you consider your love ones at all
Leaving behind your sons and wife
Failing to show up for work on Monday
Not calling or coming home that night
Leaving your family frantic and scared
So cruel of you to leave them in this plight
You were reported missing to the police
Your car found on Tuesday near Niagara Falls
Witnesses seen you jump in the icy waters
Just thinking about it.....my skin crawls
Three weeks later, your body still not found
Your wife is still struggling to stay strong
Posting pictures of you in happier times
Sorrow you left behind will be lifelong
Now your boys will grow up fatherless
Never understanding the reason why
Damage done to them emotionally
Tears of confusion and anguish as they cry
A small community remains shell shocked
The awfulness of it all is so hard to digest
The reasons why we'll never truly know
May your tormented soul now be at rest
12/ 09/ 2013
*A sad and true story, his children are in my son's school.
Copyright © Cecilia Macfarlane | Year Posted 2013
Twas the worst call we could receive, or so we thought then
It was latish in the evening, not long before ten
“I need to speak to your husband if I may please dear”
It’s terrible news, the worst news I fear.
Your mother is gone, her own life she has taken
There was nothing we could do, your world must be shaken
To get though the following few weeks was a trial
But survive that we did and in fours months we did smile.
Twas the worst call we could receive or so we had thought
But a knock on the door once more our breaths caught
“I need to speak to your wife I’m afraid sir, she will be shaken”
Bad news her brother has gone, his own life he has taken.
Twice in four months what was happening, who could tell?
Neither one connected, it became a living hell
No comfort to be found, no reason, no rhyme.
Depression and guilt engulfed us for a time.
There was nothing to be done for life has to go on
There are more people involved, than just the one gone
If they ever could have seen the devastation that they caused
They would never have done it, they surely would have paused.
But life isn’t’ like that, they were sick beyond belief
As in sound minds they would never inflict grief
Twenty-three years have passed, but not a week goes on by
They are remembered and talked of, but now we don’t cry.
There is life after suicide, their children and families have proved
Even though the memories that they left us, will always leave us moved.
Going back in time with ‘what ifs’ does not help us or them
And we pray to God every day, we never go through it again.
Copyright © Mandy Tams The Golden Girl | Year Posted 2012
I’m walking along the beach
listening to the waves crash.
Yet all I hear is your voice
and the way you called me trash.
I sense anger and anguish
within a seagull's shrill cry.
For it wails in agony
shrieking go away and die.
The ocean calls me to Her
like a siren with no face.
And whispering soothing sounds
She lures me to Her embrace.
I feel Her currents pull me
to the depths of the unknown.
And washing away my tears
She mingles mine with Her own.
Slipping under Her waters
I exhale my final breath.
And extinguishing life’s spark
sink into the arms of death.
Copyright © Emile Pinet | Year Posted 2015
Pain, Pain, Pain
Sit up in his bed and breaks the alarm
blood flows to the brain and he tries to stay calm
but the pain doesn't go away that quick in the morning
even on the inside the rain begins pouring
and the lights are off but they're on in the mind
Of the man who devoted two years to a lie
On his face he feels every kiss, knows every line
Bruises on a heart that has grown smaller than mine
Eyes that dance with memories hard to forget
Black spot on the white page of love and regret
No matter how hard he tries, they stay on his mind
Images of a happiness it took them years to find
Every kiss they stole under the midnight sun
Every time he looked at her and said “you’re the one”
Spun a dagger of pain that tore at his chest
Like a demon that had no reason to rest
She would be happier with him, he tried to think
He tossed away her picture and poured another drink
Who was he kidding, there was no life without her
His life was a disease, and there was only one cure
So he stepped on the chair with the rope on his neck
And wrote a letter to the girl that he could never forget
With hands behind his back and a soul done crushing
He said goodbye to a world that gave him absolutely nothing.
Copyright © Carly Button | Year Posted 2015
From the darkness of my soul I rise
To this life's putrid lies
As morning light beckons
My weary mind awakens
Although the sun is bright
Where all you see is light
My day is shining dark
I cannot find a spark
My heart is heavy as I wash n dress
All manner to impress
With shirt and tie
Bright lips and eyes
Hiding my sorrow deep within
Departing souls my only kin
My eyes so bright you'll never know
Your joy has become my foe
And when my eyes are teared
For nothing to be feared
You wonder why I cry
You walk away and sigh
A friend indeed is all I need
To share compassion's seed
Hold my hand in darkest times
Help me once again to hear the chimes
For I am want to die
But truly this is just a lie
For all I really crave
Is someone save me from my grave
From the darkness of my soul I rise
Yet another day for me to despise
I take the blade and contemplate
Who decides upon my fate
Copyright © Sean Taylor | Year Posted 2015
I believed in you.
I tried to help you.
I loved you.
I felt for you.
Trapped in a cell with nowhere to run,
your fear pricked panic into your feet,
hitting wall after wall splitting from one,
I grabbed your shoes so we would meet.
You cried and I cried and we cried together,
you bled and I bandaged and patched you up,
I tried as you died and was gone forever,
you just couldn’t receive all the world’s love.
Trapped in a dungeon with nowhere to scream,
your tears tricked your soul into needing,
too much from yourself, or so it seemed,
but you just kept on slicing and bleeding.
You laughed and I cried and I held tightly to you,
the madness in your salty smile terrified me,
how can you be happy with a face so blue?
The illness was evident and it verified to me.
Your disease was confusing and I couldn’t tell,
if you were here or there or in between,
it killed me to see you stuck in your mind’s hell,
flashes of all the mood swings I had seen.
Up and down and over a false mountain,
you laid and stayed on your back in the snow,
closing your eyes falling asleep right by the fountain,
it was time for your weary heart to finally let go.
Time passes and the breeze whispers your name,
I feel that as each day passes the clock ticks slower,
no matter my happiness my life’s never been the same,
as I watched you suffer from that awful bipolar.
Written By: Laura Loo
Date Written: May 29, 2016
Copyright © Laura Loo | Year Posted 2016
Tomorrow might mean angel day
To be followed by one angelic night
Tomorrow I may view an angel’s display
A dais of delectable delight
I can never be certain when she will alight
One of Heaven’s most hallowed sights
For forever I will fear her final flight
No more love, laughter nor luminescent light
My ‘morrow might mean angel’s wings
And a soul of sublimation
A heavenly body to which this man clings
And I’ve clung so long to the finery of fascination
Tomorrow’s sun to shine on mine
Mine angel who was weaned on wonder and sacramental wine
A lady who is afar far too often for me
She who opens an enchanting door for me
Tomorrow’s moon might mean wings away
Oh if ever my angel couldst ever stay
No more to bear an angel’s softly sighed fare well
An angel at the ready with a seraphim's spell
Copyright © jeffry cohan | Year Posted 2013
I’m empty, no mood, no nothing in me,
No nerves yet I feel so uptight,
And all I can say is “Don’t kill myself now,
Not here in this dark lonely night.”
So I sleep with an exhausted cramp in this back,
Hearing the dead voices say,
I’m resolutely defiant, “No, don’t kill myself now,
I can exist through every dark day.”
My arms weigh a ton, legs are all lead,
No reason, not a single thought why,
Still, “Don’t kill myself now, wait for the birds,
Just wait for the sun in the sky.”
Yet there’s nothing for me, no beautiful future,
No reason for happy and laughter.
I’m quietly resigned to: “Don’t kill myself now”,
Of living a sad, glum ever after.
Copyright © Lewis Raynes | Year Posted 2017
Yeah, the Angel of Death was an ugly old Toad
In a ratty black robe as He walked on the road
Where I drove a big truck full of asphalt that day
So I hollered at Him, "Get the hell out the way!"
Then he gave me a look that would stop a clock dead
And it felt like a brick had just struck my poor head
But I shivered and regained my composure at last
So I pulled the air horn, and He jumped at the blast.
Well, I laughed and I laughed 'til I thought I would choke;
I mean, who would've thought you could play such a joke
On the Man whose sole task was to make people die
And to leave loyal dogs at their gravesites to cry?
I get mad when I think of the arrogant Creep
Who does nothing but plant victims two fathoms deep.
How the hell does He know when it's our time to leave
And to snatch us away whilst our goldfish all grieve?
But as much as I rattled the grim-looking Goon
He refused to indulge me by ending too soon
The long life that was left me to do as I like
So He settled for booming, "HEY BUD, TAKE A HIKE!"
Copyright © Roderick Molasar | Year Posted 2015
He couldn't win for losing
He couldn't take anymore
Life was not amusing
It was only a chore
His mind was a mess
He only felt pain
Dull at it's best
He was going insane
He reached into his drawer and took out his gun
With no hesitation held it to his head
He pulled the trigger and it was done
You wonder what you could have said
Copyright © Nikki Reynolds | Year Posted 2016
Dark of Night
In the dark of night I awaken
the nightmare comes again
In a cold sweat, head and heart racing
I know it will stop, but when?
my Brother! I scream out loud
oh God, he needs to be healed
found him with a gun in his mouth
suicide-it’s the real deal
again it must be the family curse
as for brothers-he’s number four
with three dead of booze and pills I didn’t think It could get worse
like their dying is settling some score
he didn’t show any fear
even when the gun went CLICK!
he was calm and his intention was clear
like in a scene from some movie clip
In an instant he would have be gone
and blood splattered all over the place
I’d be tormented by what went wrong
each time I remembered his face
locked away in a place he can’t get away from
he’s struggling, he says he’s had enough
battered and weathered by a violent storm
wading through it is going to be tough
at 55, he almost died by his hand
God spared my brothers’ life
but he’s still a broken, suffering man
who cries in the dark of night
Copyright © Christine Costello | Year Posted 2014
Deprived of a relationship,
When i just so needed one,
A social worker relationship,
Holding no bar, mind or gun.
Having nobody to talk to,
Is not very nice, not right,
When people matter to you,
And god is their height.
Not understanding reason,
Sat within two metal bars,
Everything feeling like treason,
You’re left with only scars.
If yours does to other people,
When you state your story,
About the faithful’s steeple.
Deciding you’re an atheist,
With evolution at your back,
Hoping there will be no theist,
In the school staff’s stack.
Disappointed by Assembly,
Hurt by daily implementation,
Annoyed by the physio bubbly,
Who offered religious direction.
Affected by the school kids,
Who’d accepted the basic god,
Given it by teachers’ bids,
Who were in no way odd.
Not wanting life anymore,
Attempting to, not succeeding,
Then deciding to come ashore,
With the school doctor, bleeding.
Happy from that moment on,
When I shared my heart with him;
He was not in any way gone,
When others proved terribly dim.
He was my friend at university,
My carers’ supervisor and my physio,
And still to this day in animosity,
My mum doesn’t know about him, foe.
What’s the point of that silence,
The slip of her mind every time,
Her forgetfulness about his presence,
When i refer to him as mine?
She thinks she’s on top of me,
Above all my formal relationships,
But the right the live, you see,
Rests with you and not kinships.
Privacy is privacy, and it means space,
And the doctor’s room is confidential;
You can make or brake by your face,
Your relationships by your prudential.
Copyright © Rhoda Monihan | Year Posted 2016
Living in a world of black and white
She stood with fire in her eyes
One of the few who understood
How life is covered in sugar coated lies
Copyright © Kalyna Fisher | Year Posted 2015
A singing voice grown il
A blooming flower broken
A story kept in mind
A thought that went unspoken
It's not what they expected
It's not what they had dreamed
It's a stronger will to rethink
It's not what it had seemed
The cataract of thought
The water flowing thickly
The sight too dark to see through
The sight that lies there sickly
They knew it was the end
They did it anyway
They rethought all their choices
Their thoughts at last astray.
Copyright © Dawn Koyama | Year Posted 2016
Culling scarred skin
Dulling depression’s din
Catharsis of dreams
In convenience’s vanity
Pilfering sedated sanity
Hanging from vestiges
Copyright © Xavier Keough | Year Posted 2005
He’s being chased by The Department,
Now his livelihoods at stake.
What was once a beautiful, restful sleep,
Has become a twitching wake.
It started when he refused to paint a face,
And that was the end, or so he thought.
But then the rage became a point,
And he was standing upright in court.
He was accused, assumed of all the guilt,
He was set upon by the law,
And even when the liar confessed,
He had to fight some innocent war.
Still, The Department waited 15 months,
Before they put him back without a fight,
And now they want to remove him again,
Because they dislike poetic write.
The Department have assumed his guilt,
It never mattered how absurd the lie.
The Department’s made him feel less than human,
I think the Department wants him to die.
Copyright © Lewis Raynes | Year Posted 2017
Beneath celestial skies
In wonderment walks I
Through wheels of confusion
Cornered I become
Serrated edge becomes my friend
Inducing my inner thoughts
I know it's the Crimson Flow
That takes I to be naught.
Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2017
She came from far away, alone
To die alone. To find a place
Where silence lives in tree and stone,
Where muteness thrives in empty space.
She flew across the ocean wide,
From noisy crowded cities cold,
To find a peaceful place to hide
And leave a story yet untold.
She came and played the tourist's part,
Along with others from her land -
A secret held within her heart,
A notion so precisely planned.
Then walking, parted from the rest,
And walking, silent through the snow,
And walking, heartbeat calm in breast,
And walking - where? No one will know.
She came to rest in silence there,
A quiet wood her only tomb.
Her lifeless form snow-cloaked with care
Is welcomed back into the womb.
March 5, 2016
Copyright © Moira Cameron | Year Posted 2016
I think I took an overdose while sipping on a bottle,
took the pills and set my engine riding on full throttle.
My heart is beating faster, the drug is coursing thru my vein,
o woe is me, the lion that messed around and lost his mighty mane.
I've been strong, endured what many can't imagine,
and I never thought I'd have a point where I would turn my badge in.
you see, we all have a moment of heartache, pain and loss,
but it's what you do in those moments, that shows you who's your boss.
I refused to get pumped, maybe I should of used a knife,
now I'm laying on the floor begging god for my life.
I'm not a man of faith and I took so much I shouldn't be here today.
and now that I'm seeing clearer, this time I'm really gonna stay.
I am limping, still have a pretty nasty bruise,
but I will keep on walking, on this better path that I choose.
Copyright © Aaron Irizarry | Year Posted 2017
Shut mine eyes and close my throat
Cut from me my senses
Maybe then my parting note
Will drift back through my defenses
Cut out my thoughts and burn my heart
Amygdala starved and drowned
Maybe then I’ll wait to part
If first I bathe in silent sound
Static, static, no reception
When all seems quite lost
My shining eyes for your deception
Buried in warm frost
Copyright © An Anomaly | Year Posted 2017
i fill my pockets with stones
and the water seeps through my bones,
intoxicating the prism of my years
as Ophelia's song drowns my ears.
wretched soul, there and not there,
for the waters have stripped me bare,
hands over breasts, breaths made small,
shaping my sins into a dull pebble.
tell me, am in the place
where ornaments do not kiss the rays?
the sinewy branches have surrendered
as i forbid myself to recover.
tell me, where am i now?
witnessing the birth of crows,
redeemed as i return to where i'm from,
where my sole hope is to be reborn.
i have filled my pockets with stones
and the tears of Death grant me a home
Copyright © Julia Jimenez | Year Posted 2017
(Dedication: For Robin Williams, RIP)
Death stalks here and there:
Just stop, stare and see;
Death lurks everywhere...
Fancy what death sets free?
For most of us death frees:
Grime and dirt plenty;
That's quite a true story...
Not what greets fancy?
Pain brings fond disdain:
Beyond what we see;
Despair creates more pain...
A suicide's mad story?
So many sad mad takes:
Overtures flood pain;
Nothing for goodness sake...
Suicide note now stains?
Sad story news flash:
Death by your own hands;
Soul torn from weary flesh...
Hope you understand?
Please don't judge me dear:
My pains were too much;
But one thought looks quite clear...
Death does not begrudge!
21 August 2017
Copyright © Leon Enriquez | Year Posted 2017