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Funny Hate Poems | Funny Poems About Hate

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Details | I do not know? |

No Choice!

I hate it when I'm
       told to do
This damn thing
       or that.

And I hate it
When I don't do it
And am made to
      feel a rat!

So what is it that
      I hate much more
To do or not to do?

The former is within myself
      The latter within me, too!

Copyright © Karam Misra | Year Posted 2005

Details | Monoku |


One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Happy Question

Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.

Copyright © Reynaldo Mast | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

I Hate Being Sick

I hate being sick,
I don't do it well.
My private pity party
Is going just swell.

I cough and I sneeze,
My nose is running away.
I've taken my cold meds
Trying to keep it at bay.

I hate having a cold
And feeling so weak.
At least this fever
Has reached it's peak.

I must end this poem now,
You know how it goes.
It's time to get up again 
And go blow my nose.

Copyright © Francine Roberts | Year Posted 2010

Details | Rhyme |

Voodoo Doll

There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell, 
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,  
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins, 
you now must wish the curse begins.

Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2014

Details | ABC |

The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.

Copyright © pat roswell | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Things That Bug Me About You

My goodness, how rude can one get?
I haven’t even finished speaking yet.
Your uncaring interruption,
has ruined my thought construction.
Now I have to put my thoughts on the shelf.
Couldn’t you see I was talking to myself ?!

And when I ask you to look for my keys,
Don’t make me beg on my knees.
I hate it when you laugh to beat the band,
Just because you see them in my hand!

And last week when I asked you to find my phone,
Your unkind remark cut me to the bone.
You said “you are losing your mind I fear.,
What’s that thing on your ear?”

It just isn’t nice, no matter how true it rings,
Accusing me of always losing things!
I just hate that quirk about you!!
Hey,.. you seen my other shoe?

Copyright © Robert A. Dufresne | Year Posted 2012

Details | Prose Poetry |

I hate shopping

I hate shopping 
but when I go shopping
I know what I’m looking for
I go to the right store
I go to the right floor
I grab it 
they bag it
and I am out the door
Shopping is an awful chore

Copyright © Monty Newman | Year Posted 2010

Details | Light Poetry |

I Hate The English Language

A friend advised "Cheer up, buddy, and don't be blue",
strange of him to say that just when I was feeling low.
I was thinking, what was so colorful about being sad,
only showed his English vocabulary was awfully bad.

"Don't vote for Obama, he is untested and green",
how come, I wondered, when he clearly got black skin.
It can't be that he descended from leaves or something,
darn it, I'm linguistically challenged and confused again.

Down with a flu virus I was told to take plenty of orange,
that crazy doctor must really be kinda stupid or dense.
He couldn't have meant dyeing my few remaining hair,
unless that weirdo was moonlighting as a hairdresser.

Once, running scared from a fight, I was called yellow,
I did not get it, maybe because I'm a Chinese mestizo?
At home my amazon wife who learned about the run-in
promptly served for dinner a whole piece of chicken.

"Why chicken," I asked, "when you know I'm a vegetarian?"
"You earned it, sissy, when away from that fight you ran!"
"You're deep," I said, "I don't get what you mean, honey,"
to which she replied "Just finish your dinner, turkey!"

Hm, different colors, then chicken followed by a turkey,
I'd never understand these things until my dying day.
Damn that English language putting me in this mess,
better shift to Arabic, Tagalog, French or Cantonese.

Copyright © Wilfredo Derequito | Year Posted 2008

Details | Ode |

Quips My EX GIRLFRIEND revisited

     1.   My ex-girlfriend tried to impress me when
          She told me that she is "Fasting"!  And I knew
          That she was true because, I saw just how
          Fast she ate that basket of chicken.......

      2.  The next time that she told me that she was "Fasting"
           It was three (03) double meat Whoppers!  And I have never
           Seen three (03) double meat Whoppers go so quicK......

       3. My ex-girlfriend was so upset!  She explained that when
           She was young that she could bounce a dime
           Off of her butt.  Only now, when she bounce the same dime
           It only flops!
  So, I looked on the bright side and told her that now she can
           Bounce a quarter on her belly button and it only drops!

         4. The last time that I saw her, she was "Fasting" on a
             box of cookies.
          * And boy, those (03) box's of cookies sure went fast!

Explanation: That is none sence and no one got fat in the making of this pun!
    4. I just hate it when my ex-girlfriend call's me!  Usually I keep my
       cell phone on vibrate and in my front pocket. My EX-friend
        Know's this.  She also, know's that I have a bladder problem!  Every time
        she blow's up my phone it make's me pee!
        I know that I hate it, but she give's me such a warm feeling and I take
        what I can get!

     5. My ex-girlfriend is so stupid that she can't ever give me a piece of
         her mind!  She has to get an substitute..... Ha! Ha! Ha!   He, He, He!

      6.My ex-girlfriend, She alway's cut me short!........  She wanted to give 
         me a piece of her mind, buy, she didn't have enough brain cell's left! Ha! Ha!
         Feel the Joke! Uh!


       1.  When you "Pass Gas" and you know you did........
            And no-body heard it........ Is it proper to wait for someone
            to smell it first, before you say, excuse me..........
            Is it really too late....... That is what my girlfriend doe's!

       * I would just blame it on a friend!

Moments To Share:

       My ex-girl friend and I were discussing a poem that I wrote! She told
       me that it was an perfect oxymoron.......

       I told her that she was just a moron!

Words' To Live by:
       I was trying to explaine my mis-giving's to my EX-girlfriend......
       I told her that the problem was, not that I really love you, because
       I don't!  The problem is that I just can't get you out of my mind!

Copyright © Gary Fields | Year Posted 2011

Details | List |

I hate about you

 I hate the way you make me feel guilty about being jealous when other girls hit on you, 

 I hate the way you can go forever without even seeing or talking to me when your friends are around, 
but expect me to drop everything to talk to you when you want my attention.

I hate how you're so happy at times and I'm so sad, 

I hate how you treated me like *****but yet I'm the one feeling bad.

I hate how I feel so weak and you're so strong, 

I hate how you think you do no wrong.

I hate how you pretend that everythings okay, 

I hate how you took my innocence away and act sometimes like it ment nothing.

I hate how I feel so scared, 

I hate how I how fast I feel in love with you without a fighting chance.

I hate the way you look at me and just know when something is wrong.

I hate how everything we have means nothing to everybody else

I hate the way I feel inside, 

I hate the nights I spent alone and cried.

I hate how everything seems wrong, 

I hate the feeling of wanting to belong.

I hate how you're always in my head, 

I hate everything mean you have ever said.

I hate wondering how you really feel about me, 

I hate how you try to go out with certin friends you feel like you have to lie

I hate how when your job takes you away for long times I left with alone and want to do nothing but cry

I hate it how you can just come in and out of my life and feel like everything is alright
while I am the one that has to put up with the problems, family and drama every night

But most of all I hate the way I can't stop thinking about you, and I hate it even more because I know you know its true

All these thing don't make me really hate you, 
It just makes me lust you more an more and it feeds my wanting you right down to the core

Copyright © mandy cabral | Year Posted 2012

Details | Verse |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”

Copyright © Dan Keir | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

The Maid of Honour's Speech

I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech,
But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach,
I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say,
How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day.

We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat,
But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat!
I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress,
This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess!

Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think,
That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink?
I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said,
There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red.

It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show,
And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go.
You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man,
You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan.

You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date.
And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate!
And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love,
And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above.

With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare,
In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire!
Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true,
But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do.

A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says,
And you told me you only married him for money anyway!
But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow,
And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now?

So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass,
To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!

Copyright © Sharon Smith | Year Posted 2012

Details | Couplet |

Ode to Cats

Come 'ere kitty eyes so green
Tell me why you're so dang mean
Climbin' curtins and the walls
Midnight rampage through the halls
Chasin' air but never rats
You should know I hate cats!

9/24/2005~db©deborah burch

*just a note: i dont hate cats...(as long as they realize and behave as dogs)...any i have been owned by realize this and quickly learn to fetch, come, sit, no, and master the english language...as such....this kitten(now a cat) is my son's: Oliver, appropriatly named, who is the real-life version of "Garfield" in every possible way...and dearly loved :)
big hugs~deb

Copyright © Deborah Burch | Year Posted 2012

Details | Etheree |

Lessons Learnt in Life

"Lessons Learnt in Life"
5.  Never trust anyone

Saw me
Asked for fee
Oh no, baby
I get it for free
But lust gives new degrees
Oh yes, she was so sexy
She said, "With no hands, it's messy"
That turned me on, so I guess you see
The tempting dilemma it came to be
I told her her river would become sea
She winked, walked away, that's fantasy
No latex held, seduced by three
In the morning, destiny
Now dictates burning pee
Then I had to flee
So urgently
Now agree

I had to try this but please don't think this is true....knock on wood....lol

Copyright © eric boddie | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick |

hate them LOVE HANDLES

I am small
and gaining WEIGHT
from the chips that I had ATE
Just around the BEND(I can barely do that,FRIEND)
Gut around the MIDDLE while my nephew tells a RIDDLE
Exploding sudden  GAS  ,it came from my rotund ASS
Chicks no longer LOOK at this unsightly SCHNOOK
as I eat my TWINKIE,the underoos are getting STINKY
What do men and women FEAR-besides an enema to the REAR?
unbearable stomach SIZE of a fatso that we DESPISE
Mother wants to give son TREAT by buying hamburger,Burger King SWEET
Dom Deluise has shown me the WAY to get more pound and flab
by expanding every DAY
Spaghetti and a MEATBALL to placate hunger and it's tasty CALL

Love handles is a feeling WHICH..
I quite fear,
life can be an unfair -ITCH!!

Copyright © Bart Jonas | Year Posted 2006

Details | Rhyme |

I Hate It

I Hate It

I hate it when you’re acting like a brat,
I hate it when you don’t care.
I hate it when you’re screaming like a cat,
I hate it when you’re not being fair.

I hate it when things go crazy between us,
I hate it when we don’t talk.
I hate it when you say nasty things and cuss,
I hate it when instead of listening you mock.

I hate the way your friends back you up,
I hate the way they hate me when they should not.
I hate the way you lie a little and start acting like a pup,
I hate the way people look at you when you dress up hot.

I hate the way we make up and make sweet promises,
I hate the way we break them and start fighting again.
I hate the way you don’t respond to my kisses,
I hate the way we have to do this every now and then.

Copyright © Markee Rudas | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

I Pick My Nose

Now I don't have a decent job
Or expensive, flashy car
Somedays I don't brush my teeth
Or brush my beehive hair
Get my bra's from bargain bins
My coat's a hand-me-down
I try to act all grown up but
Let's face it, I'm a clown
I've got a filthy accent and
Sometimes I pick my nose
Somedays I don't change my socks
There's jam between my toes
I'm not a morning person
Til I dunk my head in coffee
I'm often unaffectionate
And then a little needy
I hate it that my ribs poke out
And my front teeth aint straight
I hate it I depend so much
On destiny and fate
I'm not the kinda girl you could
Take home to meet your mum
I live in jeans and hoodies
She'd think I was a bum
I don't need you to tell me
There's more perfect girls than me
I'm showing you the truths
Even though they're plain to see
Despite my imperfections
I'm sure there'll never be
Someone who is saner and
Could love you more than me 

Copyright © Jodie Williams | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |



Hard day at the office – circus in town.
I hear the Sousas yellow, or dark Pagliacci brown
All in all I hate this one here clown,
Striding right into my space,
Hiding the other side of his face –
The hurries, the gestures,
Paint so thick it cracks when he smiles
Paint that don’t run, and this here gangling style.
He trips, goes down, frightens a child,
But the freaking holiday crowd rises, croaks, goes wild!
You think of this here kind, usually, as stubby, or fat,
But this one’s long and slim,
A phallic maypole, that damn well describes him.
I hate the cheering, all the rah, rah, rah,
Hate the noisy wildness of this insane Mardi Gras.
I gotta leave, but then I spot this tiny, little girl,
Fall in love with her four-year-old, golden curls.
She laughs, she gurgles, gasps – doll face so fragile
In spite of flatulence, headache, in spite of myself, 
I smile.

Copyright © daver austin | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

Blatant Irony

She exists for a man only

He achieved what a man can

That of trying a trick abstractly

She easily got henned in hand!

Decisions are tough, exclaimed she aloud

Life in love is not easy 

He, a rose in hand, proud

Rose up to a plane above

She, a tender one with exalt

Thought of love as sincere admiration

Found out the abrupt truth, abomination!

Her only precious asset his inspiration

Her own body, as sexy asphalt!

Copyright © Anoucheka Gangabissoon | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

No Soup For You

People loved my soup but they hated me.
Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.
I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary.
I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry.
Everybody knew something that was certainly true.
When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!"
I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line.
My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind.
I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread.
When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead.
Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business.
I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess.
I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow.
I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow!

(This poem was inspired by a Seinfeld episode.)

Copyright © randy johnson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Verse |

School Days

His mum was so worried she cried
It was the third day in a row that he lied
He told her that he was in school
But his mum, well she was no fool

I will speak to him if you insist
He had stayed off again, another day missed
As a parent I did my best
As my child he knew he could put me to the test

He just lay curled up on the bed
I wondered what went through his head
Was it a bully that harassed him so
Was I the bully, I just did not know

I said son, will you get out of bed
Please tell me what's wrong in your head
He said, dad, I told you before
Its nothing, I ain't going no more

I don't want to go back to school
Its heartless and pointless and cruel
Open your eyes and please see
I hate them and know they hate me

I said, son you will have to grow up
Your a dog now not just a young pup
You have to realise the truth
And bite on the bullet with your tooth

You have to go back to your school
You made a deal so follow that rule
What's more you are fifty three
And  headmaster of the Academy

Kids are so like that you know
They will tease you until they too grow
So put on your cap and your gown
Get dressed and come on right down

Copyright © john scott | Year Posted 2012

Details | Burlesque |

Poetic Pestilence / or, I Hate Bugs!!!

I'm sitting at a desk,
no longer mine,
in a house that is no more,
before me, a glass of wine,
and a book I've seen before

a journal, forty years old,
my wisdom then, was somehow
seemingly far greater and visionary,
than what I have just now...

there's termites in my floorboards,
there's termites in my mind
I need a good exterminator,
to save me from their kind....

a package deal he offers,
including soup to nuts,
I told him very firmly,
I am a poetry soup nutty putz....

you put a cockroach in my home,
you'll see me burn it down...
I hate bugs so very much,
the mere thought brings me a frown

give me mice, if you have to,
give me termites if you must,'
but put a cockroach in my home,
I'll soon enough turn it into dust

ticks should only infest clocks,
fleas for a political refugee,
bed bugs only for a mattress store,
and ants to keep uncles company
I'm afraid then to follow this logic,
and think of what cockroachs
intend for their encroaches

just the thought of this subject,
the disgusting world of bugs,
makes me awful nauseous,
with lots and lots of "Ughs"!!!

Copyright © tom bell | Year Posted 2007

Details | I do not know? |

Contradictions, the bane of my existence

I want fame and humility I want war and I want peace I want God and I want freedom I want freedom and enslavment I want to settle down, and keep moving I sprint home and crawl to work I'll eat my fill and then I'll starve I will kill and I will resurrect Give me extravagance and give me banality entertain me and bore me LOVE ME AND HATE ME LOVE ME AND HATE ME so I will show you my lithe desires, absurdly ensuring I will NEVER be at peace open your mouth and laugh with me laugh

Copyright © Nicholas Webb | Year Posted 2011

Details | Free verse |

Him And Her

Smile! Click! 
She poses for a picture
Hands entwined in his, 
Faces bumping together, hearts connecting beyond embraces
She knows he’s hers and she’s his
In her dreams- in her deepest wishes
Screams! She screams as she jumps
Didn’t even look but plunged right into love
She said ‘It wasn’t my fault’ 
But a guilty burn stabs her
Ouch! That’s it! 
Just pretend that you haven’t thought a million times about him
Oh yeah! All those poems you wrote, daydreaming, -
Fine! She shuts up the voices
So what? He’s the best of every girl’s choices
He’ll never boast but smiles innocently
Every time she wants to hate him
His beautiful brown eyes catch hers
Poof! Hate disappears
A rush of that feeling called love reappears
She lives a fairytale with him
In imaginary land
Smiling on the outside
Snatching a glimpse as he walks by
Hah! She sighs!
Surely, one day, he’ll be mine!

Copyright © Christina Sookdeo | Year Posted 2011

Details | Classicism |

I got haters

i realky hate my life and all the fake people in it                                                                                                 People are hella fake just a bunch of haters trying to see the drama they can create thats exactly why i wana get out of this state because im surrounded a bunch fakes who hate                                                       
People always got to talk down just like cowards they do it when im not around.No matter what I do someone always has something to say and me and my buisness people talk about every single day thats what makes me wanna just get away Cowards and fakes are what they are I shine like a star why there over there hating and wont make it far.

Copyright © kristin gregoire | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

What I Hate Most About Wal-Mart

What I hate Most About Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Wal-Mart has a severely limited selection
Its cleanliness doesn’t meet my expectation

The shopping carts are almost always unclean
If you shop there, you will know what I mean

Its restroom are filthy a big part of the time
And the pharmacy hours are nearly a crime

The garden shop plants tend to be all dried out
Auto repair doesn’t know what tires are about

The stock of ordinary items is very often depleted
And they don’t carry many things that are needed

But what I so detest because there is simply no excuse
With many employees, only two checkouts are in use

Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

I Hate Poetry

I Hate Poetry

I really dislike poetry
certainly and honestly do
deliberate obscurantism
damn words, don't you know 

whinging exultations
agonising extremes
low language of life
love and loss themes

free verse especially
a cop out I'd suspect
debility of mind
the dearth of intellect

why even bother
you depressive waste of time
we have all loved or lost
so cease your spurious crying

speak thee in happy note
flowers and flutter bys
warming sun on warming limbs
smiles and morning skies

Copyright © Declan Molloy | Year Posted 2017

Details | Rhyme |

I hate MRS Oleson

I hate Harriet Oleson because she was a bitch.
Somebody should've had that awful woman lynched.
She makes me so mad that the veins in my forehead start to throb.
That woman was greedy, mean and she was the world's biggest snob.

She had a spoiled brat for a daughter who was named Nellie.
But when Laura Ingalls threw hay on her, she became smelly.
If I had been MR. Oleson, I would've gotten a divorce.
His wife was so ugly, she had the face of a horse.

If I could've gotten my hands on MRS. Oleson, I would've gave her a good shake.
Every time she looked in mirrors, they were bound to break.
The Ingalls were very good people and they were also very nice.
But I wish MRS. Oleson would've had to shave her head because of lice.

Copyright © randy johnson | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |


Its history
Which is a mystery
It’s not that fun
From it I like to run
It makes me sleep
And its book I have to keep
Its history
Which is a mystery
It makes me so bore
you can hear my loud snore
It irritates me
As you can see
Its history
Which is a mystery

Copyright © nicole maximax | Year Posted 2015