Funny Grandmother Poems | Funny Poems About Grandmother

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Details | Couplet |

- On The Moon -

Thea, grandfather Alferd's dog died, she was so old and sick
Now is Thea on the moon, says Adrian who is six

Michael Jackson died so unexpectedly and abruptly
He is on the moon and plays with Thea, says Adrian who is a big fan

Betzy, grandfather Arild's dog died, she was also old and sick
Now Betzy is also on the moon with Thea and Michael Jackson and play all day

Great Grandmother died so unexpectedly and abruptly
Adrian who is six had difficulty understanding

Adrian who is six cried many tears for Great Grandmother
but comforted himself with the fact that she is sitting on the moon and
makes waffles to Thea, Michael Jackson and Betzy

A-L Andresen :)  - A true story -
Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Copyright © Sunshine Smile | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Copyright © Smail Poems | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse |

My Heritage

My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"

Copyright © Sarah Cassleman | Year Posted 2013

Details | Narrative |

-Grandparents Before - But Not Today -

Grandmothers and grandfathers how they look,
how can we see that there is a grandmother or a grandfather
When I was a little girl we could see a grandmother and a grandfather
Grandparents used hats, glasses, and walking stick
The skin of their face was weathered and wrinkled
Some had teeth they put in a glass in the evening

Grandmothers always had time for a glass of juice and a hug
She was never impatient, tie shoelaces with pleasure
Always in floral dresses, which smelled like grandma
Grandmothers wont not be at work tomorrow, she has time for an adventure
She does not skip a single word, to be finished soon
It was always sweets in grandmother's hand bag
She never spared, but shared with a beautiful smile

Grandfathers were a bit more restrained,
 bit concerned about the day's news in their newspaper
He would like to go for a walk, and he walks with small cautious steps
When he meet someone he knows, he lifts a bit on his hat and nod
He has very little hair on his head, and his head shines in the sun
Grandfathers have a strong hand to hold, I was confident in his hand
He could tell me what all the birds called, he was so wise

Everyone should experience an old-fashioned grandmother and grandfather
one that does not have a television, computer or washing machine
A grandmother and grandfather who always have good time

But it was in the past ..... not today...

A-L  Andresen :)

Copyright © Sunshine Smile | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Gran's Got Gerbils

 The following poem is based on a true story 

We were sitting down one evening when the phone began to ring,
“Hello mum,” said Father, “Can I help with anything?”
Grandmother then answered, “There’s a gerbil in my house!”
“Do you really mean a gerbil? Don’t you mean a mouse?”
“I’m certain it’s a gerbil,” My grandmother defended,
“And the fact you think I’d get that wrong makes me feel offended.”
“I’m sorry, but a gerbil? Are you really sure?”
“Yes I am. It must be one of those they’ve got next door.”
“We’re on our way.” Said my Dad and then hung up the phone,
And then within the hour we were at Grandmother’s home.

“Ok Mum, please tell me, just what did you see?”
“It came out from the kitchen and went under the TV.”
Dad went in a cupboard and then took out a trap,
Set it with some chocolate and waited for the “Snap!”,
It only took a moment, and what do you suppose?
A great big rat staggered out, the trap caught on its nose!
Dad chased it to the garden and gave it quite a whack,
“It’s ok Mum, that gerbil is never coming back”,
“Thank you Son, you know that I’d have struggled doing that,
But it could have been so much worse. It could have been a rat!”

Copyright © Sharon Smith | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |

A Song and Dance in a Pink Coverlet

silly grandpa, singing a song
and a dance with a wink
twirled into a pink coverlet,
In a blink tried to think!

did forget twenty he was not.
red-faced  he doublethink,
Venus, he’d be, goddess of love
he’d dance and please  in pink

a little girl giggled and danced
with her funny grandpa
singing in her pink coverlet
holding his heart to ma

sing a song in sweet harmony
to the stars up above
cheerfully sung eternally
to the goddess of love

moving holding his heart to ma
twirled, stepping and tripping
on edge of  the pink coverlet
took a tumble springing

a cast from waist to his shoulder
with a wink and a grin
fading blue bruises marked his face
he won’t do that again

Rhyme  2 & 4 Rhyme in each stanza

Copyright © Eve Roper | Year Posted 2016

Details | Dramatic Verse |

A Letter To My First Crush

A LETTER TO MY FIRST CRUSH My Dearest Kevin My hands shake nervously as I write this letter The fountain pen drips the ink in heart-shapes Pieces of my heart as it reach out to you I just want you to know that loving you isn’t easy My dozen of Harlequins and my entire Mill @ Boon collection Have'nt prepared me To deal with a player like you I heard it through the grapevine, That you are heartbreaker and womanizer With only one thing on your adolescence mind My grandmother always told me, that Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free My grandma is a wise woman More like a heroine in my eyes I am the heroine of my life More like a Nancy Drew without a clue on how to love you I am never satisfy, I am curious And mysterious However I am very chary Kind of gal ^ I do believe that I am in love with you today However, I might hate you tomorrow Because you never know with a secret admirer To the man I love today They are nothing more than I can say. I will wait for your reply my love

Copyright © Annie Lander | Year Posted 2013

Details | Limerick |

Beach Birthday

To the lake to the lake,
Fish to fry clams to bake.
This has been grandmother's cry
Now on birthdays she brings rye,
If just once she'd bring a cake.

Copyright © Richard Breese | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme |

Dangerous Granny

I'll never forget the day
That Granny got struck by lightning.
She came home in a right old state
And really looked quite frightening.

And then there was the time
That Granny fell under a bus.
She said 'It's nothing really,
Don't make such a fuss'.

Then what about the time
That Granny fell under a train
She said 'I did enjoy that,
Shall I do it again'?

Now you won't believe me when I say
That she liked to jump from great heights.
She always landed on her feet
But it still gave me the frights.

So how did Granny meet her end?
Well bow your head as you read.
I'll tell you the story, it's not all that gory
But still it will make your heart bleed.

It was her 91st jump that killed her.
From a Lancaster bomber, (I think).
Her umbrella just failed to open
And she plummeted into the drink.

It wasn't the fall that killed her
Or a sudden stop at the end.
No, she broke all the skin diving records
And died from attacks of the bends.

Copyright © Ray Gridley | Year Posted 2017

Details | Free verse |


Chilled Pinot Grigio and Chianti
on each side of the long table,
twenty seats for twenty guests;
Antipasto with zesty dressing...
colorful vegetables with chunks
of sharp provolone and hard salami...
to be served with crunchy bread,
the kind that grandmother used to bake.

Oh, wait the Creamy Alfredo with chicken and spinach
is steaming on a huge serving plate...what a work of art!
Oh, the aroma of the Parmesan cheese
fills the nostrils with the urge to start;
one by one, the well-dressed guests walk
into the dining room...who said they are guests?

It's family: grandpa, grandma, uncles, aunts and cousins!
we'll surely enjoy this Sunday dinner as last week.
What about dessert? Sweet pastries and chocolate Tiramisu
with a strong cup of espresso and a shot of Sanbuca Romana;
would you like to join us and meet the friendly chef Mario? 
There's plenty of food for everyone...Buon Appetito!

Copyright © Andrew Crisci | Year Posted 2011

Details | Rhyme |

A Grandmother

A grandmother is someone who loves you and your soul
Someone who hugs you when you feel alone

She reads bedtime stories for you
And when you sleep she does the same too

She is the one who gifts you hugs and kisses
And when you are not there next to her you are the one she misses

For you she will be on her toes the whole time
And give you whatever you want from a stuff toy to a lime

She is the one who comforts you and loves you from her heart
And doesn’t care if you are dumb or smart

She is a person you can never forget
For if you want to also she will never let :)

Copyright © Paavani Dua | Year Posted 2011

Details | Free verse |


Outside with one shoe

The shoe I took from the dumpster

My hair is filled with flies

Oh do I stink

Brown flames comes up from my butt

Flies come by my way

They all die


Oh do I stink

Never in life was I applause for my smell

Can it be that bad

I guess so

Since everyone has abandoned me


My teeth so rotten 

It scares the mirron into broken pieces

Yellow as a my grandmother big toe nail

Stink bomb comes my way

I can't hold it in

I let in the air


Everyone dies

But me

Oh do I stink

Copyright © Chidinma Adiele | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |

Sundays with Eli

Every Sunday we set time aside to hang out together

Just him and I...

We are the best buds in the whole wide world 

And when my son drops him off at my front door I remember why

He thinks I am the greatest thing next to sliced warm apple pie

He thinks I am the greatest opera singer 

And I am the best dancer too

Today we hopped around to some crazy tunes

The Beach Boys and some other oldies but goodies

This afternoon I sang him Bible songs and taught him 

How to equally slobber on both shoulders

He is my golden ray of sunshine--My Elijah!

I think of him often

I rehearse what songs I will sing to him

I even write him into the story lines of my upcoming prose

Oh you should see his rounded pink nose!

He coos and he giggles

And when we lay down for a nap he wiggles and wiggles

Til he finds the perfect spot under my arm

I love being a grandma

And I love our Sundays together

Eli and lola--best friends forever!

Written by Gwendolen Rix

Copyright © Gwendolen Song | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |

Grandmother Is Not Amused

Grandmother Is Not Amused

By Elton Camp

Queen Elizabeth certainly isn't amused
That Prince Harry again stands accused

Although his latest is easier to understand
Than wearing a uniform with Nazi armband

But playing strip billiards isn't nearly as bad
As some of the things done by Harry's dad

Henry the Eighth showed the royals the way
They have followed his example to this day

If the worst he does is all his clothes to doff,
It's likely the public will just laugh it off

But the next time Harry decides to strip
He'll check if a camera his pals did slip

Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2012

Details | Rhyme |


Hard of Hearing.

I went to visit Gran
to brighten up her day.
But that crazy batty women
never hears a word I say.

She moans and groans of aches and pains
and how her bunions hurt, then she'll ask,
"Who is it? Is that you my darling Bert?"
"No, I'll say, it's Sunny, Grandson number two.
I thought I'd pay a visit and spend the day with you.

I've put the kettle on Gran, I'll make a pot of tea."
Then she shouts.
"There are Hob-nobs in the cake tin enough for you and me.
Fetch them in please Keith put them on the floral tray.
Now where's my bloody teeth, I had them earlier today."

"It's Sunny Gran, I tell her. I'm not Keith and I'm not Bert
but there's your bloody teeth Gran in the pocket of you skirt."
I don't mind Grans muddled mind the fact she forgets my name
she can call me what she likes I love her just the same.

Now my Gran is hard of hearing
and batty half the time.
But you know I wouldn't swap her
cause Gran is Gran.
She's the best because she's mine.

Copyright © Patricia Lawton | Year Posted 2017

Details | Rhyme |

Tasty poems from Bakering: Omelette

Hello, my name is Bakering,
I’m not quite a grown up yet,
But I like to do many things,
I’ve already known a lot, I bet.

My grandmother cooks very well,
She teaches me how to cook,
I know – what now I’ll tell,
How a real omelette must look.

Not the way we make it from sand –
Its smell must whet an appetite.
Crack eggs, whisk them, add salt then,
Pour milk, bake in the skillet. Right?

If you like my granny’s master-class,
Read my tasty poems, please,
I’ll tell how to cook without fuss,
Even pizza with mushrooms and cheese.

Copyright © Valentina Iljina-Pechenova | Year Posted 2017

Details | Couplet |

Old Love

Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things

Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"

Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years

Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"

He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand

"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"

Copyright © PAT Adams | Year Posted 2017