"your Unforgiven"

It's been five long years, Although it seems a thousand lifetimes ago... It marked the beginning of fresh new fears for me- The day my mother became my foe... I would'nt believe it could happen. The thought never crossed my mind. It never once occured to me- That my mother would leave me behind... Up until that exact moment- Right up till the very end; The end only marking the beginning- I believed my mother was also my friend... And being her only child- I thought she'd always have my back. But an unconditional love for me was something she greatly "LACKED". To be all alone in the world, Is obviosly something she's never felt. As I still struggle to keep from drowning- I'm still willing my heart not to melt... It melts at the thought of her calling my name... It melts when I still try to breathe... It melts when I hope to wake-up & discover, that mommie never left me- It's just a "bad dream"... The days go by, Though time hasn't stopped... And I'm living this "Real to Life Nightmare" In a big ugly world, that hasn't been POPPED... Someday I hope it gets easier, 'Cuz I must have been a real "LET DOWN".... Or maybe I'll just get DIZZIER- As this world keeps spinning me around... I was a bad choice, I guess; One of many she's talked of making... So why GOD thought it neccessary to take my ANGELS, Will always be a mystery... Why was I FORSAKEN?... I hope they make-up for my being all WRONG... But when she took my "last reason for breathing"- Didn't HE hear my heart break? Couldn't he feel me BLEEDING? Yes, it was a very long time ago. That sad day mommie wished me away... You'd think in five years I'd be over it- It's been "One-Thousand Eight-Hundred and Twenty-five days, Since the second I BLINKED and became an orphan, No longer thier MOMMIE-Alone with no family- A SINGLE LINK... Guess I'll think twice before blinking again- Because it confirmed all suspicion of being my "MOMMIES GREATEST SIN". I'm sorry, Mommie, I disappointed you so- I hope my babies make you proud, even after they grow... I didn't mean to bring you down- You should've been proud of the 'Only Child' you were given- The same little girl that made you frown... Just Me............ Your Unforgiven. KC 1/18/05