You Don'T Really Not Really

I can talk but there is nothing there
no warm no feeling
there is darkness in the home
the house
computer games played over and over again
nothing talked about nothing real
no sweet animals or trips driven in the hills
no forests, or charping sweet birds singing in skies
I can't force myself to smile and chirp in the crisp cold air
There is a caretaker but she is not a friend, we manage
to speak to one another as the days go by
I am tired at the doctors and the pain never seems to go away
My husband and I manage but nothing more'
Our celebration passed to day and i need not remember it
He tried to bring me a book

How does this happen, its from the pain, my leg my arm
my neck, sex is something of the past. I seem the men who
could bring me to life, but the pain is always there
Everything seems unalive unreal I cannot feel joy only pain
slow quiet searing pain and I am tired now and wish to sleep.
Say good bye to the living demanding squirrels and crows.'
And the sad unhappy man playing computer games creating
a life for himself.  The cancer changed everything the fatigue, the pain
the seizures. what kind of living is this,
maybe tomorrow i will awake.
Perhaps later i will become a living creature filled with life and possibilities
I hope later I will awake again, but just not now.
Perhaps next week after the MRIs and the doctors the all.....maybe tormorow but not tonight something is giving up i can feel it

Copyright © Linda Milgate | Year Posted 2022

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