You Are a Heathen and I Need To Read a Book

So how did your meeting go? My boss asked Number One and Me. Number one is actually Thing one, and I am Thing 2, for it was Thing One’s idea to adopt families and give Christmas presents to children, and she has been doing it for ten years, I have only been on board for about five. It was great, I told boss, until Know-It-All-Take-Over-Woman came. All discussion was over, once she hit the door,” Thing One added. I smiled. Thing One is the only reason I decided to become Thing Two. “She told me I need to read a book, that says ‘Helping ‘til it hurts,” I said in my snottiest, meanest voice. “She told Thing One we could not take presents to the houses anymore; that we are enabling people and crippling them. What if their car breaks down that day?” “Thing One got mad and walked out,” Thing Two chimed in. I rapidly nodded. “But not until she told us what we had to do, and she kept saying “LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME!” and her hand was in my face,” I said in my nicest way. Thing One said, “You did her PERFECTLY!” I got tickled, and she got tickled and we could not stop laughing. “The minister called me a heathen,” Thing One said. “I missed that,” I said. I was not finished being snotty about Take-Over-Everyone-Listen-To-Me-Woman. “You were there, Thing One said, remember when he said that he and I have a different moral code?” “Yes, he did kind of call you a heathen,” I answered. “You are a heathen and I need to read a book so I can be more savvy about people.” We both snorted-laughed. Thing One recovered first. “She was telling us what to do. She said, ‘do this and do that,’ and she told us how it was going to all be her way.” I nodded along with every word, then I jumped in and added, “She told us to make up a flyer,” so I said to Thing One, “Do not worry. I will make up this imaginary flyer, Thing One.” Thing One burst out laughing. “She did too!” she said. The boss said, ”Maybe I should call her, and straighten her out. She should not be telling you two what to do.” We were on a roll now, Thing One and Thing Two, high-fiving each other and giving each other little fist bumps and hip bumps. “She cannot tell you two what to do!” The boss reiterated. “It would not do her any good,” I said. Thing One and I could not stop laughing. Teachers all the way down the hallway were making shushing noises. Committee work; nothing like it for a story idea.