Years Ago I Felt Hope

Years ago I felt hope. Sometimes I still think it still exists, but every moment a little less. I feel abandoned in my despair And pain and memories my bad decisions are difficult to repair all this pain and hate that I have inside my heart loneliness makes me colder. I break a little more every day keeping these emotions in my core. I find myself hiding behind this smile who shows a demon dressed in black I have thoughts of loneliness, which no person should possess. I camouflage it very well; It feels like I'm in hell. It hurts inside trying to put these demons aside. I want something better to not feel all this pain and I hate myself because I destroyed my life and hurt those I love most, I am a person that everything I touch destroys it. I know there are no excuses; There are things that make life tolerable like the memories of my son that I miss more and more as I want my grandmother to be here with me. I need life so much without her killing me slowly. I just can't find the emotion. I remember when dreams were imaginable now it seems that I am certainly fallible. I wish to meet soon. This feels like I'm trapped in a cocoon and I can't get out. My days are darker day by day and I've lost all hope, faith and any emotion that may exist in your heart. I would like to hatch, Not be so detached. I need to end this coldness before death leaves me without a soul