Wrestling With God

[please note: this poem is dedicated to those who take neither the Divine nor its absence for granted.]


For almost half a century 
I have wrestled with God.
Our unseen match is daily, 
in my bed before I sleep,
at the table after a meal, 
sometimes while driving
along a lonely, desolate road 
and always while watching
the evening news with its 
graphic proof of humanity's
stupidity and wickedness, 
over and over and over....

I try to pin Him, 
to keep Him in one place, 
to hold Him just long enough 
to see, to know, to understand.

Sometimes I think 
I almost have Him but no...
He always, always slips away....

Of course it is not a fair match--
my little brain that can hold 
but one lonely thought at a time, 
my hands, once powerful,
now arthritic, with crooked fingers 
still trying to grasp at Divinity...
but even when young and strong 
I could not hold Him--still,
we wrestle, God and me, 
and sometimes I suspect He wants 
me to win, but mostly no: 
I know I'll never pin Him down--
not in this life, not in this world, 
yet still He lets me try....

I think He likes it when I try.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018



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Date: 2/20/2020 3:13:00 AM
Hey congrats on your top win!;)
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L. J. Carber
Date: 2/20/2020 8:45:00 AM
Thanks Brenda
Date: 2/19/2020 10:19:00 PM
You and Jacob! This is very real and heartfelt, LJ. I'm encouraged with your honesty regarding God and your faith. It can seem like one long wrestling match! Well done on #1 ~ John
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L. J. Carber
Date: 2/20/2020 8:46:00 AM
Thank you John--and re honesty, how does one fool the Lord of the Universe?
Date: 2/19/2020 5:10:00 PM
I love your image of arthritic hands trying to grasp at divinity. Definitely not a fair match to wrestle with God. Congrats on your win!
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L. J. Carber
Date: 2/20/2020 8:48:00 AM
Well, Juliet, I suspect if God made it too easy for us, we humans would soon get spoiled-- though sometimes I do wish He'd make it all a bit 'smoother'....
Date: 2/19/2020 1:22:00 PM
LJ Congratulations on your first place win! I love your conclusion "I think He likes it when I try." That made me smile. Your poem speaks of my journey and often I come away from the "wrestle" with a Jacob limp!
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L. J. Carber
Date: 2/19/2020 3:51:00 PM
Yeah, Sam, we can all get a little bruised wrestling with God--but nobody likes to be taken for granted, do they? Thanks, buddy!
Date: 10/7/2018 5:14:00 AM
Be still and know.....I did enjoy your thoughts on God. Love your thought provoking writing. Peace, SuZ
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Carber Avatar
L. J. Carber
Date: 10/7/2018 9:08:00 AM
Ah, you're right, though my mind has always been restless--as in the Hindu saying, 'the mind is a monkey'
Date: 8/24/2018 3:44:00 PM
I like how you put the struggle into words. I have been wrestling with God a long time, too.
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L. J. Carber
Date: 10/7/2018 9:06:00 AM
Agnes, forgive me for not thanking you sooner-- had a bit of a health scare back then--but let me say, I suspect all real believers struggle with God, as opposed to both deniers and 'dogmatics' who are certain the have the truth of the universe in their mental pocket.
Date: 8/11/2018 2:46:00 PM
Perhaps if we "tag-team" Him.....I've been waging the same battle for way too long......yet cannot resolve our conflict..
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L. J. Carber
Date: 8/12/2018 2:27:00 PM
I don't think it's meant to be resolved, John-- faith, real faith and not dogma (of either 'believers' or atheists) is not easy, but it seems there are moments when it can open doors unseen by those who think they've got it nailed down.
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