Words I Never Knew I Needed To Say

I Was 17 When You Left. More of a Spank Instructor Than An Ideal Father Was Your Role In My Life. I Never Thought I'd Miss Much. I Felt More Sorry For My Two Younger Brothers. I Did the Econ Degree Thing, Came Back From College, And Never Skipped a Beat. I Got Married, Had a Daughter, And Didn't Think You Would Ever Need To Know. I Guess I Should Thank My Sister For Our Reconnection, For She Often Encouraged, Prodded, And Insisted That We Meet Again. Though Living On the Same 21 Mile Long by 7 Mile Wide Island, I Avoided Your Farm Like The Plague. Through the Years You Were Away, I Never Knew What Kind of Love, Lust, or Force of Nature, Could Keep You From Your Wife, Eldest Son, and Two Young Boys, For All Those Years? WE Heard About The Other Women, Children, And Relationships, That Kept You Away. I Always Wondered Why Our Love, OR Maintaining Communication With US, Was Not Enough To Make You Stay. What Did They Have, That We Did Not? I Don't Know IF I Could Turn Back Time, And Change Things, If I Even Wanted To Anymore? It Has Been A Year Now Since You Have Been Gone. And The Thing Is That I Can Visit Your Grave, But You Can't Return to Me. The Last Five Years of Your Life, We Did Reconnect, And You Met My Wife, Daughter, And Heard Of The One On The Way. We Shared Laughs, Joys, And Tough Conversations That Shook Me To My Core. I Think That I Told You "I Love You" More Times Over This 5 Year Period, Than Any Of The Other 30. It Was Nice Just Being A Part of Your Life Again. What I Never Realized, Is That You Never Stopped Loving ME. I Only Know Because I Asked " If You Still Cared", And You Said "That You Never Stopped." I Never Knew That I Needed, That Validation From My Earthly Father. I Never Knew It Was Missing. I Never Realized How Important That Validation, Was To Me As A Young Man, And Now As A Father Too. Now That I Had It, OF All Your Gifts, It Is One I Cherish Most. I Will Try To Continue To Forgive My Father For The Years Spent Away, The Human Experiences Or Mistakes That I Perceive That HE Made, And The Lessons Not Taught Because You Were Not There. But Most Importantly Because I Want My Wife and Daughters To Forgive Me For The Mistakes, Sins and Mis-Judgements That I Make Daily. One Day Dad I Will See You Again! Sincerely, Your Son. Author - Paul Cumberbatch II (June 7th, 2021)