Wonder

I wonder if she knows I cry myself to sleep! That, every second that passed; I continued to get weak. Or that the nightmare wakes me up; screaming out her name… That I feel I’m lost here, although everything looks the same. Ever since she left, I hurt each passing day… I no longer have a purpose, and I feel I’m in the way. How pathetic I’ve become; always staring at my phone. Praying that she’d call and say that she’s coming home I constantly relive memories I’ve locked inside my head I’ve painted a smile so no one knows am dead. I hope she’s finally happy and doing what she does! And though I feel so broken, it’s her I truly love I cry because my heart aches badly A heart-wrenching torment; As all of the pieces of a broken me; Shift around, incomplete, like a messed up puzzle… I cry for all the times I wasn’t my best self When she didn’t love me enough to forgive me… When she didn’t see beyond my insecurities, And when love made me feel so alone…. I cry because my pain is suppressed, Knowing that she doesn’t love me unconditionally Or takes the time to step into my pain Without reminding me of how my hurt is of no consequence… I hope she knows she’s choking the life out of me As I hate myself for putting so much effort into love… Love that loves reminding me that I’m a mess; In love with someone who doesn’t really….love me! She’s only intensely aware of what I do to her And oblivious of what she does to me…. All inside of me is in ruins; as I think about; Love, who says that I am hateful? Unappreciative about love Love that says I don’t know how to love her… She is love!!! Is she really love??? I can’t just help but Wonder…..