With Apologies To Joyce Kilmer

?I thought that I would never see Another macho man like me. Ex-green Beret and Airborne Ranger, Who never shirked in face of danger. But that ancient myth was soon dissolved, When my wife asked me to get involved, And accompany her, one fine day, In search for her new negligee. Now stout of frame and grey of hair, My soldier?s past could not compare. With apprehension to my core, As she walked me thru that boutique door. A boutique filled from aisle to walls, With thongy-things and camisoles, Fish net wonders full of holes, And spandex stuff (to hide the rolls). Now, I?m not bashful, or a prude. I have a pretty fair attitude. But all that frill and all that lace, Man, did I feel out of place. I soon began to overdose On too much womens underclothes. And then I thought my eyes would cross, They had bikinis made of dental floss. The salesgirls garb was quite unique, Why, she?s displaying EVERY cheek, She walked to me (My brain?s a whir) And said, " May I help you sir? ?How ?bout a Wonderbra or beauty mark We've got panties that glow in the dark. Teddies, in every color hued, And falsies by the multitude " I stammered like a stupid snook, " II..Im .ju..just here to look. I don?t know what you assume My wife is in the dressing room." Then I knew I couldn't win, When suddenly to my chagrin, I was totally taken in, By this dressing gown ?in leopard skin.. "?Miss,..... do you have this in extra big? And for me too, a brunette wig? I ask you do you think it wise, For a bit of shadow for these old eyes " And WOW!! Im getting such a rush. I think I'll try a little blush, With gloves, of course, nice and soft, Plus a simple purse, to top it off. ?Why, this is the new me, I declare. When suddenly, my wife is standing there. She stares at me and says, " Heavenly Father, This old fart ain't got both oars in the water " Well, I explained, (Man, shes tough) That I kinda liked this woman stuff. She said " Its OK......When hell would freeze!!! And keep your fat ass outa MY BVDs " So, now we buy in vast amounts, ?course we got separate charge accounts. I just asked my wife if we could Go visit Fredericks of Hollywood. And if we can?t get to the coast, Chicago is still pretty close, 'cause there is one thing that I know?.. They?ll love me on the Springer Show!!!!! But fools are made of poets like me, But it?s more fun in lingerie..