Wish

i wish i hadn't worn so much makeup. i wish i didn't wear that shirt. i wish i didn't tempt those men. i wish i didn't, because it was my fault that these two men wanted to touch me against my will. because it was a 13 year old fault to be pushed around and hurt. was it really me who asked for "it"? dirt on my back two men hands wrapped around my wrists, stricken by fear not able to fight or scream. no, never forcing themselves inside of me. no, never hitting me. but feeling their hands touch my innocent body. still only a child. never understanding sexual assault. it seemed like a lifetime but was only a minute. then they were gone. never seeing their faces. never hearing a name. i kept a dark secret for years. i never thought anyone should care. it wasn't rape. but it wasn't fair. why would anyone care? would they even believe me? i wish i didn't provoke them with my sexuality. oh please tell me how i wanted it. and how i was asking for it. i just wish...