Wild Pirate Woman Being Demure

I'm sitting like a fat gray cat in the sun, watching my forest gently dance, The wind is barely breezing, The bird songs are the only sounds I hear except for the running water of my fountain and my wheezing. I have cut my newest homemade pirate shirt a bit too low. Yes you can see my navel if you care to look around. I have to cut a sweatshirt and sweatpants into pirate gear at least once a year. More if one pair is not quickly found. I love being nature-loving, dog-hugging, cat-sneezing, wild woman who is secretly a pirate too, anyway it was a secret until a few seconds ago. But you won't tell, right? NLDHCS Wild Woman ruthlessly hacks sleeves and hems off pants and tops, cutting pirate strips without a measuring tape or ruler in sight. I am a female Peter Pan, ruthlessly stalking my prey, on school-less days like today. A crazed, demented, energetic pirate wanna-be who follows rules, naught. Rules are for accountants, police officers, Marines, prison guards, bankers, race car drivers, and maybe the Air Force, not for NLDHCS Wild Women, you sot! I am wearing my wild woman pirate necklace today too, it's big and bold and black, and has lots of sass. It's a caricature of a fierce warrior woman holding a giant silver sword, and a shield, and she'll put you on your ______. (You put it in, I'm much too demure). We've got this today, Women. We've got this!