Why I Like My Depression
i live in the fear of feeling nothing
consumed by pure terror of not knowing who i am
i like it best when i’m sad,
that’s probably because i only know two emotions; sad or empty
sad is better than empty, though.
that’s how i always saw it at least
if i’m sad i know that my brain is working
it is processing information, not necessarily good information, but i know for a fact that my brain is fully functioning when i’m sad
i get scared when my eyes are dried
when my tears can no longer pour out because waterfalls previously replaced my eyes for the past few days
my eyes become exhausted and waterless
and that is when i transform into a travesty, i can not even live up to my own label of being sad
i think that feeling sad is feeling full, full of hopelessness and darkness
maybe this is why i constantly run back to my depression, even when i taste happiness for a few days
i will fully devour my plate of misery and i won’t be satisfied until my stomach is full from the pain.
when i am sad please do not talk me out of my sadness, or tell me that you know how i feel and that i too, will see the light one day
because feeling sad is sometimes the only feeling i feel for months, and trust me, sadness is better than emptiness and false hope
m.r.
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