Why Didn'T They Kill Me

‘Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.’-Cormac McCarthy Why didn't they kill me... why am i still here...? Being successful is my goal... being flat broke, my biggest fear The pain is far to great to hide, laying awake and wide eyed contemplating suicide, what is my purpose? and if i stay alive, would it all be worth it? will I make something of myself? maybe i should just forfeit my one wish is to not have to worry and to all those I've disappointed I gave up, and I'm sorry A strong man is what people think of me but deep down inside, a child i aim to be because you see, a child, so carefree doesn't worry about the downsides to the world only the fun things God lets them see.... please, one day, set me free take me away from this hurt filled life that I lead, I plead and plead for someone to rescue me, but when I look in the mirror, what is it that I see? a broken down child, crying on both knees. This life gives no mercy, and only the strong survive, how will my family react...in the event of my demise? i pray no one cries for me, because i am in a better place, I've rid myself of the bitter pain, sadness and disgrace maybe if i get another chance, my demons i will face, but for now i walk through the valley of death a sad, cold, and bitter place Hoping after this valley ill see heavens smiles and grace, but I fear that my mistakes will lead me to the devils face so many mistakes I can never erase You only get one chance, so my advice is to seize the day. I've tried...I've prayed and prayed, but the pain still wont go away day after day, my life i want to take away...but even that I fail to do so night after night I'll lay, in bed awake but dreaming, of the day my pain goes away...