Ireland Payne Poet Free verse

Why Did You Use My I Love You's As Battle Cries

tonight is that purple room.
i look at the shadow of my bedside 
and pretend they are you.
i reach my palms over to hold them
until the entirety of my hand 
is engulfed within them.
i guess what I've been trying to say is
you swallow me whole.
your voice on the other line
is sewn into my atrium. 
that July night when you whispered
of the happiness i gave you
now breaks like empty bottles
leaving glass shards sticking
out of your throat and 
entering my bloodstream. 
i keep finding our failures
discovering our fault lines and
pulling at the broken wires.
i cant stop touching your place
in my mind like a scab that
will never be given the chance to heal.
i keep staring at the love 
you wrenched out of me.
the way you left my heart hanging 
out of my chest like decaying fruit.
because i don't want to forget you.
i don't want this to become a "last August."
i know you are not all awful.
i know we all struggle.
for the same acceptance.
and sometimes we lack
the self confidence to unleash 
the constellations in our chests.
so here i am with this stupid pen
and this stupid poem.
always loving you.
always bringing you back 
from the dead.
always thinking of last august
when you burned me like carbon but
touched me like emeralds.
always remembering somewhere.
somewhere in June when your hands
and the air felt warm against my cold skin
and i found a home in your twisted spine.
but the honest truth is
i don't remember 
how your skin feels anymore. 
the pain in my chest 
is all i know how to hold onto.

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