Where Was I When I Needed Me

i bathed in mordacious threats, always leading in mordant speech; perpetual hatred- so i became unified with my essence, goodbye to that vitriolic fiend... ~i should have i n t e r v e n e d ~ an unholy sacrificial lamb is all who i am going to be and who I always was; that makes the hypocrite in me lust for redemption a fever envelopes head to toe, it feels not the heat, but the chill running down my nape to my back to my thighs… on and on and on and… never ceasing to release my hunger for more; so, i run to fields of yore and i wish to not be poor… of heart amongst the rays of a sunbeam, i prepare for the coming kismet- a future with possibilities coming true for no one but me i wear too much rouge upon my cheeks, it shields me from the youth i endured yet reveals who i wish to be; ~the woman of dulcet dreams~ o, life not as it seems… fated to be the one who wears pride, caring not for the ones who rescued me, but wishing to see who i want to be in a crystalline mirror- fogginess of the worst kind prevails and i am always the one who fails sailing onto shores of where faded seasons convened- wailing without hope... ~i should have i n t e r v e n e d ~ 2.10.20