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Where Do I Turn 7-30

I've said the same things in my head about 24 times in the last minute but every time it meant something different.
These words might not make sense
BUT I'm still typing to fill some void I feel
I am unfulfilled
Pitted to my core 
When I reach deep down I can't feel anymore
-I am about to be trapped-
I'm on the brink of it
I've been on the brink for a while now
Maybe this is where i live
So the excitement/fear touches and it's an adrenaline rush
Danger close
I'm not feeling much 
I'm not chasing anything
Not even girls anymore
If I end up with the wrong one next time I'll be using them and leave them crushed
I gave up the game a while ago 
Now I reversed it and let it come to me
Perhaps that just means defeat
Or conceit
Maybe it was better when sc girls didn't give me the time of day and didn't give me time to settle into any ways
I'm too slick for my own good and I know I got it
It's a blessing but a major curse because I don't know how to use it right 
Or I'm always doing a comparison with better niggas like a line up side by side
In a line up no nigga is better
We're just all to blame
-We just hope to feel better once it's over-
The craziest part is that nothing will change when I'm done. (It never does) 
With this or my life
I'm a freckle at my best
The grand scheme can discard me and fill my speck with another and then put them to the test
Ya boi is basic but my thoughts won't stop racin
and I forgot where I was going but it doesn't matter because I know I can just GO to sleep and I'll be me there
You should be there too so my thoughts won't just echo in my tomb
"Racism, classism, perpetuating hate." These are just a few things I hate.
No one pays attention to captions even tho everyone is crying for help too bad no one is strong enough to help themself
Or maybe I'm just projecting
I wonder what I'll dream tonight. 
Maybe I'll dream of one day moving out of flight and instead being able to fight
Maybe I'll dream... 
Maybe it will all be forgotten upon the first thought of the real world in the morning just like they always do
Maybe it'll just be black like my bathroom mirror view
****... I forgot to turn the lights on (let me fix that)
.
.
. 
Nothing changed
I still feel the void

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