When I Decided To Love You

"Books and boys have enmity my girl” Generations of women said to me, Old is gold But I missed a step, tripped over my books and fell hard for you! You see, when I decided to love you I didn’t know what I was getting myself into because love is blind I relied on the sweetness of your voice as my GPS “Turn right, turn left, slow down, recalculating” And I, I’ve always kept my ears straightened up like the female dog you think I am waiting to hear, “you have reached your destination” a destination where you and I become one. Delete my number you said I can’t delete your number if I know it by heart The same heart was shattered into tiny pieces You’d think the piece with the stamp of your lips, the warmth of your hugs Would just fall off and my heart will be whole again I’ve seen them do it on TikTok You know putting chocolate and pizza pieces together until it looks like No one ever took a bite I followed Anticipating that I will see one video with how to mend a broken heart Because you had literally bitten out of mine My mother had this makeup brand product that she loved, they stopped making So, she just didn’t accept that for a long while I know now for sure that I’m not adopted Cos, I couldn’t get over the fact that what we had was finished! I guess I was delusional enough to belie myself to think that Maybe your nights were longer too, maybe you got drunk on your salty tears too. Maybe you just couldn’t tell me, so I reached out 78 phone calls all going to voicemail, 54 messages non replied It tore me apart that you didn’t even bother I had become one with the couch hoping upon hope That you’d call me But the phone never rang, and no texts awaited me So, I learnt the hard way That no message was also a message I’m sorry, But it was not you who needed my love, It was me But why apologize for loving till you burst Till you burst open like the pods of peas, lupins and violas Explosively You see, when the seeds fell out of my pod they spread, They spread to my mind, my body, my life They germinated and brought forth fruits that allowed me to grow up To stop moving forward like a kid but…move on The grow up led to a… glow up I guess you saw it on Instagram Cos now the phone rings And as it rings It reminds me that I am a beautiful black woman! When I decided to love you not, I decided to love me You see, I am not depressed My amplitude to feel is no pandemic My heart needs no mending I am not broken I’m just a little bit more...explosive!