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When A Man Cries


No one ever told me that your heart could bleed without a drop that anyone could see. I didn't know your soul could lose weight that your shadow could get thin. I had no idea that there were dry tears that one could shed while sporting a joker’s smile for the crowd.

No one told me you could be naked, closed within yourself, folded and squatting in the black, as your pillow bled white against the dark but I have had those nights.

I know I have walked miles alone left a trail three miles deep in the cement on the street where I reside. I remember and still live moments where everyone talks as if we are in echo chambers and my ears catches every word and my mind never processed even one.

My mother never warned me that love could be so deep. She didn’t tell me that another could own so much of you. I still weep dry ice tears. I still scream in empty fields the wind against my back to mask my wail and hide my pain.

I know I still function perfectly. I still roll the dice , last week I bought Boardwalk and when I crossed Go I collected my two hundred dollars. As far as the board game world knows I’m just quieter than I use to be but fine otherwise maybe even improved.

So in these days of my haze as I function in a fog of loss I replay that moment over and over again. She is gone, she left me in a rage and frankly I was confused because she played the love game until the last moment, until that moment.

I admit I'm ashamed how the crows tear at my flesh just thinking of her with another man. How the sun burns when I see her smile or think of her laugh shared sincerely with another guy. 

Apparently she never gave me that. In my blindness I accepted us as in love but she tells me now so many years later how she despised me but never said a word.

Me the fool I still want her I still yearn for her touch. I would chew on nails just to sit with her. Why is my love so deep, so singular? Other people move on. I’ve seen it. She is gone, she wasn't even here those twenty years plus. She wasn't around when she bred our child. Why won’t I move on?

No one ever told me that losing her would be like this. Told me that you could break every bone in your body and it would hurt less than this less than losing her. When I knew she was gone for good when I finally accepted it, I cried until I couldn't cry another tear and then I cried some more. 

29~12~2014
Armand




Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 9/28/2015 9:28:00 PM
Back to just read this again, Armand. How are you? I hope you are keeping well. hugs! Kim
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Date: 4/8/2015 10:18:00 AM
Hope your depression is lessened by now, Maurice. I run spells too. Been in the hospital. Better now. Love, daver
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Date: 1/28/2015 3:09:00 AM
Terrific write Armand...you opened your soul....I particularly liked the cement line... it reminded me of my own depression years back and how the pain is actually healing us and leading us back in to the sun..good luck!
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Date: 1/26/2015 4:48:00 AM
Armand, this piece shows how one can be so selfless even during times of great torment, in that you chose to share your thoughts and feelings and therefore verbalized what others cannot. By so doing, it allows people to see that each one of us have tormenting demons, but that we have a choice on how to deal with them. A 7 and a fav! Kim Patrice
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Date: 1/1/2015 1:08:00 PM
Deep and insightful! Great poem.
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Date: 1/1/2015 5:43:00 AM
I ran out of characters. A definite 7+fav for this brilliant masterpiece.
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Date: 1/1/2015 5:37:00 AM
Your ability to show us the depths of your pain and pour your heart out here is absolutely amazing. Many of your poems have hinted of this pain but here your soul has spoken with depths that has made us all feel your agony. I hope dear Armand that by doing so you have started a healing process that will continue and help you once again smile on the inside. Sorry that you have had to suffer so much pain my friend. Please know we are here for you and never be ashamed of your feelings. Hugs XOXO
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Date: 12/31/2014 7:31:00 AM
There is nothing that breaks my heart more than to watch a man crying..Especially if that man is a friend..There are still some good women out there...So its time to stop gazing at the moon cause She is hiding your stars.Another fav.Have a blessed new year Maurice-Hugs Charma.
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Date: 12/31/2014 12:42:00 AM
Your poem reaches into the depth of the soul touching those of us who have endured this kind of pain, this kind of loss, it it does it in a most beautiful engaging way. I was very moved by this amazing poem Armand. Into my favorites. I hope this new year bell bring changes of happiness. #7
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Date: 12/30/2014 8:44:00 AM
Been there, Armand, this is an exceptional piece of literature,,,,and to have let us share this with you,, i hope aids you as much as i know it will others out there in the net world....happy new year, my poetic friend...
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Date: 12/29/2014 11:55:00 PM
If I could give this a 7000 I would, such brutal honesty, is heartwarming, even if sad, and let me tell you, we all think we are alone when this happens and yes we are, but there are millions of us, all alone, and this will give the million hope, You are I know a very kind soul, and it seems, that being this way, we feel the wounds of life that much deeper. This Sir is a Masterpiece.
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Date: 12/29/2014 6:37:00 PM
Armand, thank you for trusting us/me with this piece of your soul. Would that there were some words that would ease the pain. Just write, Armand, and voice to the pain.
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Date: 12/29/2014 3:07:00 PM
Armand, thanks for revealing your name for all to know you. this is excellent writing, my dear friend. this love cut you like a knife, and I am so sorry for the hurt you endured and still seem to be enduring. a very emotive and touching fave poem for me.
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Date: 12/29/2014 2:56:00 PM
I am touched my friend. There are many things in life which we are not prepared for, then we learn them through bitter experience. Acceptance does not come easy; the hurt lingers on and moving forward with leaden feet is a hard task. But, as you well know, not all roads are dark....learn to walk where there is the light. Take care. // paul
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Date: 12/29/2014 1:26:00 PM
Funny how we both have poems with the same title sending a different message, this a a great piece and i was aable to relate on so many levels. Big bro hug sent your way.
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Date: 12/29/2014 12:32:00 PM
Deep emotional heartbreaking write my friend - I wish i could wrap my arms round you and give you a massive hug Armand - sure could do with it myself too - am always here for you:-) Hugs jan xxx
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Date: 12/29/2014 10:45:00 AM
Cry your cries....nothing will stop the love that you had ....keep moving and eventually you will bump into something in that dark night...your ship will sail again..your mast will fly mightily and those ashes of your past love will blow away.....remember you are loved here
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Date: 12/29/2014 10:42:00 AM
Deep is your wound my dear brother . . . but strong is your Spirit to live. Grieve this moment, feel every tear, and draw strength from this crushing despair -- you will persevere . . . much love you have to give and your calling to entertain others. Also, remember . . . you are loved by many . . . you are loved by me! Be strong and courageous even in this darkness, especially in this darkness.
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Date: 12/29/2014 10:39:00 AM
There is something so very noble, gallant and chivalrous about this poem, Maurice. I am very moved, my friend!! john.
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Date: 12/29/2014 10:38:00 AM
Wonderful write Maurice!
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