What'Ll We Drink Now

I’d never been outside Victoria except once on the Murray, where we fished for near a week only giving carp some curry, but of course that was my highlight going on that camping trip. I talked so much about it that it gave me mates the pip. “Struth!” Bill said “The Murray’s just a stroll along the track. Next year we’ll take you for a month somewhere in the outback. We’ll show you heaps of scenery that you’ve never seen before so you save up yer pennies and we’ll show you what’s in store”. Well I saved meself a couple of ‘bob’ and nagged Bill in the pub “Yer said if I saved me pennies that you’d take me out the scrub. Well I’ve got a couple of thousand, so when are we ‘gunna’ go?” Bill scuffed his hair and rubbed his chin “About two months or so!” “Two months!" I said "Why two months, we're near in winter then!" And Bill just grinned at me and said "I know, but that is when the monsoons have had their day and there won't be boggy ground. We'll fish a hundred miles from nowhere where a 'tiddler’s' twenty pound". "Of course I better mention,” Bill said "The truer situation. We'll be staying with me Uncle on his North Queensland station. And his homesteads just a walk away from where barramundi lurk, so to catch ourselves a feed of fish will be really easy work.” Two months went by and off we go; four days upon the road before we met Bill's Uncle, and stepped into his abode. We had a beer and had a chat, and walked to the river with him, then took off our clothes 'cause it was warm and dived in for a swim. The water's beautiful and warm and it is so crystal clear. In fact I could see the barramundi swimming with me here. This really is like heaven compared to Southern winter misery. "Come on" Bill's Uncle called to us, "Let's go and have a cup of tea". "Well I'll be damned!" Bill's Uncle grinned "There's no water for our tea. Will somebody fill this bucket?" And they both looked at me. "Alright" I grinned but at the river, I knelt and saw the size as I went to dip the bucket - of these two enormous eyes! 'Caarikey! It's a crocodile!' And me legs soon turned to jelly, and I felt some more sensations that were coming from me belly. I don't think Cathy Freeman could have beat me to the homestead, and as I raced in and slammed the door, Billy's Uncle said - "Where's the water?" - I just stared at him while I caught me breath. I said "Mate, no flamin' more. I reckon I've just dealt with death". There's a flamin' crocodile down there and if I had bloody known, you can bet your flamin' life you'd have got the water on your own!" Bill's Uncle laughed "That crocodile, he's been there two years or more, and he probably got a bigger fright than you did that's for sure". Well I just said "If that's the case, do you know what I think? I'm glad I didn't get the water 'cause it won't be fit to drink".