What the Hell

Why is the “p” silent in receipt? Why is “no” not the same as “know,” Or “new” and “knew?” And if someone says “there,” Why do we know They don’t mean “their” or “they’re?” I read a note from a redneck up yonder Said “Hay man, ya got a doller?” Well I don’t, not that I’d give it to ‘em anyway. (Probably makes more than me too) I s’pose he couldn’t talk a lick, hence the note. Some say I talk funny in these here parts, but what would one expect from a Yankee from ‘hia anyhow? Everybody knows everybody here ‘cause I think they’s all related somehow. The lady down the street, I swear is married to her daddy, her grandfather also her step-uncle. Jack down the road is all in a tizzy wondrin’ who’s yer daddy. Up in Minnesota I found a word can take half-hour from start to end where a soda is a pop… there is no spelling of which I can describe – can you? But I met a man from Harvard t’other day asked him “’scuse me sir, where’s the library at?” With pomp and serious demeanor he says to me, “Here at Harvard, we never end a sentence in a preposition.” So I says to the prep, “OK, where’s the library at… *******!”