what it took me all
In search of summer though hopeless but in vain I cry for summer. Pain broken heart sorrows and hopelessness I had to deal with to get to my destination. Pain over here pain over there, left abdicated in the mystery of nowhere caught in the wrong chemistry. Locked and forgotten my days are over my life is useless at this point, my illusions are devastated I have no future. Been alone in this small cell is my new world, have not learned my mistakes but have learned that life is what you lead it to be missing those wonderful summer moments. It might sound surprising that am not longing to change but looking forward to full filling my dreams. Enjoyable were those days as I made it seem like heavens belong to me, i governed my clan as my name was praised. With the honour of who I was a great drug dealer which am still not regretting, I did what I had to do to obtain my pride. As my mum ruins my world it was like I were never me it was painful it was heartless of her those names she called me "A bastard child, a mistake" I had no other choice. To thee who gave us life To thee who protects us to thee who sees all I prayed to recommending that I have no rights to question him why for he is the almighty and his ways are unquestionable.
Dealing with the agony days after days years after years it kept getting deadlier, I have pleaded, I have suffered I was forced to live again. I felt it was high time to agree on a solution as i made up my mind to rebel, though my beloved mother choose drugs against my life. The love I alter for her never did change an will never. I can still see it happening it was not my intentions to take her life I was only trying to protect my self but things happen. I wasn’t happy neither was I dismal I was at a certain point satisfied. Turning around walking away, my body felt cold my heart felt heavy and empty, I was no more myself I felt different I felt brave I didn’t feel guilty taking the life of the person who gave me life and tampered with it boldly I delivered myself to the police, I murded her I murdered my mother in tears I shout. With 17 in jail and so shall it be till I rot in here. God is with me as I am with myself.
She left in summer by my force as i was born in summer in her pain.
Copyright © betty njie | Year Posted 2013
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