What If

What if the incessant torture didn’t happen so many dark times, but it’s unimaginable for you to comprehend isn’t it? What if there wasn’t such violence against me, I wouldn’t have bled on those I loved most while devastated in my poorest sorrow. What if the sins they committed against me didn't happen I could've in led a life without inconsolable despair. What if my father didn’t knock me down the stairs as he spat his poison on me, leaving me in an insufferable existence. What if my mom protected me from the cruelty and abuse, or showed love, I wouldn’t have hung my head in shame. What if the kids at school didn't shove me against the wall shouting obscenities, I could've learned to make friends. What if my peers didn’t cause heart wrenching pain in my teenage years, I wouldn’t have thought about ending my life. What if that female relative didn’t kick me in the stomach, laughing as I vomited and collapsed, I could’ve trusted woman. What if the other female relative’s drunken boyfriend didn’t kick me in the eye detaching my retina, I could’ve had faith in family. What if anyone cared, after hit and run, I dragged my body and leg cast across the floors tending to my needs, feeling utter ruin. What if I was treated humanely in that rented room instead the landlord locked the bathroom forcing me to go in a garbage can. What if, my employer showed kindness as I arrived with black eyes, instead of forcing me to work where everyone could see my shame. What if that employer tried to help me when a car struck me, altering my body, limping into work with a full leg cast, instead they fired me. Despite their disgraceful abuse, I'm hopeful I can bring healing to the demoralized by my charitable works and unconditional love. What if these ruthless people didn’t destroy me; I could’ve been a strong Advocate on behalf of Victims of Abuse and Persecution. What if my words can lift up another broken person, by bringing them the slightest hope that God will lead them to safety. Still, though, I implore God to show His mercy and kindness while raising me up out of this hell so I can finally be at peace.