What If

What if the incessant torture didn’t happen so many dark times, but it’s unimaginable for you to comprehend isn’t it? What if there wasn’t such violence against me, I wouldn’t have bled on those I loved most while devastated in my poorest sorrow. What if the sins they committed against me didn't happen I could've led a life without inconsolable despair. What if my father didn’t knock me down the stairs as he spat his poison on me, leaving me in an insufferable existence. What if my mom protected me from the cruelty and abuse, or showed love, I wouldn’t have hung my head in shame. What if the kids at school didn't shove me against the wall shouting obscenities, I could've learned to make friends. What if my peers didn’t cause heart wrenching pain in my teenage years, I wouldn’t have thought about ending my life. What if that female relative didn’t kick me in the stomach, laughing as I vomited and collapsed, I could’ve trusted woman. What if the other female relative’s drunken boyfriend didn’t kick me in the eye detaching my retina, I could’ve had faith in family. What if anyone cared, after hit and run, I dragged my body and leg cast across the floors tending to my needs, feeling utter ruin. What if I was treated humanely in that rented room instead the landlord locked the bathroom forcing me to go in a garbage can. What if, my employer showed kindness as I arrived with black eyes, instead of forcing me to work where everyone could see my shame. What if that employer tried to help me when a car struck me, altering my body, limping into work with a full leg cast, instead they fired me. Despite their disgraceful abuse, I'm hopeful I can bring healing to the demoralized by my charitable works and unconditional love. What if these ruthless people didn’t destroy me; I could’ve been a strong Advocate on behalf of Victims of Abuse and Persecution. What if my words can lift up another broken person, by bringing them the slightest hope that God will lead them to safety. Still, though, I implore God to show His mercy and kindness while raising me up out of this hell so I can finally be at peace.

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Michelle Waters

Date: 11/13/2024 11:30:00 AM

Diane, I came to your poem with my mind on many of my former students who grew up in abusive homes, and I remembered that those who turned to God were the ones that grew upright and strong. I also had to acknowledge that as a young mother, in ignorance and bad advice, I was often quite abusive to my son. That was until God answered my prayer of faith and began teaching me how to love the ones that are still hurting, if given the chance. Thank you for sharing yourself to us all.

Diane Perna
Date: 11/13/2024 2:06:00 PM

Thank you so much for sharing. I have turned to God. I am trying to spend every moment that I have left trying to make amends and also praying constantly for my son. I plan to continue with every breath to love and support my lovely son in any way he needs me. Again, thank you so much for your comment, I appreciate your gracious input.

Speaks Volumes

Date: 7/20/2023 3:16:00 AM

You have repeated this one Diane

Joanna Daniel

Date: 5/2/2023 1:46:00 AM

I was extremely touched by your poem, Diane, sorry you had to go through such tough situations in life... true that you can find peace in God alone:)

Jacqueline R. Mendoza

Date: 9/3/2022 3:18:00 PM

I feel your pain and it's right God will rescue u out of hell u only need to ask... good write!

Theodora Miranda

Date: 6/15/2022 1:00:00 AM

Diane, this is a great poem although heart wrenching. Your words are honest and raw. We are not defined by our experiences. The light is always there even in the blackest times. You might need to squint to see it, keep looking and hold on tight. You are powerful to have survived it all. Most especially to be a caring, loving mother and human being. Be proud. More goodness and wonderful people live in the World than the the rest. Stay open. All the Best. Take care.

Vickey Rhymer

Date: 5/28/2022 12:36:00 PM

Sweetheart what I had to learn was these things are done to you,they are not you.Don't embrace the shame that truly belongs to another.From this day forward be responsible only for you and the decisions you make today and each that follows.Be strong as you have proven to be.