What If

Biden has never felt weller He’s seen off that crazy-haired fella With boxes to dump Of votes ticked for Trump He simply can’t move in his cellar. *** Neil Armstrong had NASA to please He slowly got down on his knees He dug up a rock And got quite a shock And said ‘Yum... it really is cheese.’ *** Pythagoras drove a big wedge He said the world’s round with no ledge Columbus was stressed When in the Crow’s nest He cried, ‘We've gone over the edge‘ *** That Alexander Graham Bell At least as far as I can tell His chisels he’d hone, Carved a dog and a bone Marconi had made one as well *** Alexander Fleming earned his shilling By working so hard and so willing He ate mouldy bread But before he was dead He invented a pen with a quill in *** Adam, it seems, had no mother But God had sent Adam a lover Eve, naked in bed Was sad when he said Hi ducks, have you got a brother? *** The asteroid wouldn’t desist It’s path wouldn’t turn, wouldn’t twist That fireball from space flew by at a pace A caveman said f*ck me, it missed *** That covid was terribly cruel It just wouldn't run out of fuel We first sent rebukes And then we sent nukes When Xi Jinping said ‘April Fool’ *** Isaac Newton is astounded The apple has left him confounded His half crazy stare As it floats in mid air Is strange for he’s always so grounded *** No seconds, no minutes, no hours, A cosmos of dust and gas showers They’d clash and they’d clang To make a big bang... Phut!