What If - New Update

What if… If fear did not guard and watch over me? My seeds of shame and doubt Would timidly venture out And finally sprout, But as they reached the light, Like a vampire, would wither and die Without the protection of night. Or: shivering and drowning, lie, In the merciless rain, Instead of festering Like unspoken blame In the warm, secure Secrecy of muted darkness Without a name. If fear did not shrink me. I would sing and dance each day And laugh wholeheartedly And find my own way, Expanding in wild, natural, all-embracing, all-encompassing love, Like Jesus, gentle yet fiery, praising And simple and enough. Uncompromising in my thoughts, Emotions and action And living my truth With empathy and compassion. Where kindness is my flag, Being Human is my passion Coloufully written on my baseball cap. And peace and joy, My north and south poles. Instead of being entwined In the toxic web and holes Of my divisive, moral, judgmental And political, christian mind. If fear didn’t limit and suppress me? I would still follow my heart and innocent curiosity. And like a child or a warrior on his path, Always eager to know And risk all, Just to learn, deepen and grow. I’d trust my feet, And explore the countries, Towns and streets Until now I had ignored. Be often touched, surprised And never ever bored By the unfamiliar clothes, faces And querying eyes. By other traditions, languages and phrases. I would enjoy talking to people I didn’t know And feel at home Wherever I go. See things I had missed, but were always around, And would even feel the colours In music and sound. Or I might Feel blessed As I discover a shadowy Yet mysterious forest, With my feet in the river, Close my eyes And gently shiver And feel related to the trees And all things and everyone And know the inner melody of peace, As I give thanks to the power of the Sun And the cooling breeze As it caresses my face, Also the cleansing rain Because as I lie down and embrace The damp Earth, it takes my pain And the wet leaves and grass Seem to make me expand and grow And feel strong Because I know That this is “also” where I belong. Or: i can still be caged in the moulding CHAOS of the drab, well-known, secure walls & clutter. A well programmed, app-like apparition, retreating & almost melting into the soft warm cus hions of my well worn couch, like a stagnating potato. eyes fixed like magnets on a flickering screen, sweaty restless fingers mindlessly tapping on the pretty coloured, warm keys of my remote control, never seeming to find what i’m looking for. i eventually have to venture out because my mess doesn’t appear to contain anything edible. i stumble with tunnel-vision, leaden lids & limbs, thru the bleak dark night & join others, drawn like hungry moths, by the cold, magnetic glare of the late-nite super-market. As i wait, grumbling in line, bow my head instantly safe, unseen & disappearing into the welcome glow of my smart(?) phone. & as my n imble aerobic fingers race, stab & scroll, with one eye in instagram & the other in twitter, numbed & home in the net, there’s just enough of me left to get what i want, but not what i need. An old man sick in his bed Knows his life is slipping away And will soon be dead. No tears but a desert Full of sadness and regret: “I had so much money and power But my world was in my head, Even now in my last hour. No friends and never trusted anyone Especially from other cultures, Never loved my wife, daughters and son And now they’re waiting like vultures. In eighty years l didn’t know love, or even how to have fun Never had time to waste on pity and tears, There was always more work to be done. When I was young, I enjoyed singing, playing piano and to paint But had to stop Because I was beaten and shamed, The fear of being poor and not having success Meant that I couldn’t leave. Now I have nothing, only loneliness, Certainly not fame. And no one will miss me, grieve Or even remember my name.” (What) If fear was simply a bad actor? Instead of trying to be The star of the show, Maybe we’d start to feel, see And know That life is opening, closing, Tension, release, flow, Cold and warm. And we could welcome each day As if we were reborn. We might understand the power of friendship And gain enough wisdom to really relate, Practice patience And the resilience, needed to wait. And out of solitude and silence Connect to the source and then create. Learn to savour each experience As if it was our first - and last And trust the river To deal with the past. Dare not to care what anybody thought And long ago, would have deleted “have to, should, must” and “ought”. Sangeet Portals - September 2022 – Updated 2023