What If - New Update
What if…
If fear did not guard and watch over me?
My seeds of shame and doubt
Would timidly venture out
And finally sprout,
But as they reached the light,
Like a vampire, would wither and die
Without the protection of night.
Or: shivering and drowning, lie,
In the merciless rain,
Instead of festering
Like unspoken blame
In the warm, secure
Secrecy of muted darkness
Without a name.
If fear did not shrink me.
I would sing and dance each day
And laugh wholeheartedly
And find my own way,
Expanding in wild, natural, all-embracing,
all-encompassing love,
Like Jesus, gentle yet fiery, praising
And simple and enough.
Uncompromising in my thoughts,
Emotions and action
And living my truth
With empathy and compassion.
Where kindness is my flag,
Being Human is my passion
Coloufully written on my baseball cap.
And peace and joy,
My north and south poles.
Instead of being entwined
In the toxic web and holes
Of my divisive, moral, judgmental
And political, christian mind.
If fear didn’t limit and suppress me?
I would still follow my heart
and innocent curiosity.
And like a child or a warrior on his path,
Always eager to know
And risk all,
Just to learn, deepen and grow.
I’d trust my feet,
And explore the countries,
Towns and streets
Until now I had ignored.
Be often touched, surprised
And never ever bored
By the unfamiliar clothes, faces
And querying eyes.
By other traditions, languages and phrases.
I would enjoy talking to people
I didn’t know
And feel at home
Wherever I go.
See things I had missed,
but were always around,
And would even feel the colours
In music and sound.
Or I might
Feel blessed
As I discover a shadowy
Yet mysterious forest,
With my feet in the river,
Close my eyes
And gently shiver
And feel related to the trees
And all things and everyone
And know the inner melody of peace,
As I give thanks to the power of the Sun
And the cooling breeze
As it caresses my face,
Also the cleansing rain
Because as I lie down and embrace
The damp Earth, it takes my pain
And the wet leaves and grass
Seem to make me expand and grow
And feel strong
Because I know
That this is “also” where I belong.
Or:
i can still be caged in the moulding CHAOS of the drab, well-known, secure walls & clutter. A well programmed, app-like apparition, retreating & almost melting into the soft warm cus hions of my well worn couch, like a stagnating potato. eyes fixed like magnets on a flickering screen, sweaty restless fingers mindlessly tapping on the pretty coloured, warm keys of my remote control, never seeming to find what i’m looking for. i eventually have to venture out because my mess doesn’t appear to contain anything edible. i stumble with tunnel-vision, leaden lids & limbs, thru the bleak dark night & join others, drawn like hungry moths, by the cold, magnetic glare of the late-nite super-market. As i wait, grumbling in line, bow my head instantly safe, unseen & disappearing into the welcome glow of my smart(?) phone. & as my n imble aerobic fingers race, stab & scroll, with one eye in instagram & the other in twitter, numbed & home in the net, there’s just enough of me left to get what i want, but not what i need.
An old man sick in his bed
Knows his life is slipping away
And will soon be dead.
No tears but a desert
Full of sadness and regret:
“I had so much money and power
But my world was in my head,
Even now in my last hour.
No friends and never trusted anyone
Especially from other cultures,
Never loved my wife, daughters and son
And now they’re waiting like vultures.
In eighty years
l didn’t know love, or even how to have fun
Never had time to waste on pity and tears,
There was always more work to be done.
When I was young,
I enjoyed singing, playing piano and to paint
But had to stop
Because I was beaten and shamed,
The fear of being poor and not having success
Meant that I couldn’t leave.
Now I have nothing, only loneliness,
Certainly not fame.
And no one will miss me, grieve
Or even remember my name.”
(What) If fear was simply a bad actor?
Instead of trying to be
The star of the show,
Maybe we’d start to feel, see
And know
That life is opening, closing,
Tension, release, flow,
Cold and warm.
And we could welcome each day
As if we were reborn.
We might understand the power of friendship
And gain enough wisdom to really relate,
Practice patience
And the resilience, needed to wait.
And out of solitude and silence
Connect to the source and then create.
Learn to savour each experience
As if it was our first - and last
And trust the river
To deal with the past.
Dare not to care what anybody thought
And long ago, would have deleted
“have to, should, must” and “ought”.
Sangeet Portals - September 2022 – Updated 2023
Copyright © Sangeet Portals | Year Posted 2022
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