What I Really Wanted To Say

And I quote "You're so well spoken; I loved your story" end quote I hear that once about every other week at the current rate But what I really wanted to say in response was: oh, you mean for a black person? Or do you imply that my particular vernacular, and painted linguistics shocked your ears Because your prefrontal cortex judged my baggy clothes, durag, and tattoos would talk like every tv show that needs a black thug…I’m sorry I meant to say African American It's 2024 and for some reason any person of color still needs permission to better themselves Last time I checked wanting more was normal not privilege But I guess your watch has arms that hang opinions not people so it's ok because it's not the same So just because the shadow is smaller it isn't as dark That was some of my flooding thoughts that was closed by the dam of a simple: thank you But what I really wanted to say came in the form of a question What did you like about what I said, Awkward pauses rush in and flood silence because it never gets a chance to speak Awkward pauses that communicate they really just wanted to pay their dues in the form of a backhanded small talk compliment Awkward pauses I'm way to familiar with so I recline in the anxiety yelling in the microphone They desperately reach for words running away Trying to pick up their dignity with a well what I meant to say, I reply with that's ok and walk into another Thursday Life goes on and unforgiveness repeats so forgive me if I choose to look out for myself and simply skip the small talk I have big dreams and I’m trying to be in the atmosphere of those matching that impossible energy p.s. pay attention with your heart not your ears please…