Well What Did I Expect

So here it is the passing of a day this dull Spring day and the silence pollutes my thoughts while the depression dips poison into my oxygen It's cold outside fitting weather for how I feel inside for I am lost I don't know what happened but well what did I expect to be held in high regard constantly being waited on hand and foot But well what did I expect myself to turn magician and allow myself to reappear in her presence so the love I spoke, promised would be real No...I don't know what I expected but I never thought in a matter of weeks I'd print off my retraction and realize the words I said were only exaggeration for I have no actions to back up what befell my lips while yet a voice from her remains unheard And it all has me wondering what have I gotten myself into It just all crossed my mind at one time a jumble of broken sentences like I'm learning how to talk all over again My feelings they were true and hers, they were too but time gave way to a wound unnoticed but time gave way to a wound that bled too deep leaving a portal open to the past and now I'm that boy of old not a man anymore Just a loser just one more loser breathing poison oxygen or so it seems only in my tainted head Well what did I expect happy ever after isn't listed in my job description I'm just a fickle, feeble minded insignificant little ant better yet, a rotting piece of tree bark deteriorating with time Her delightful, delicate, portrait features makes me so sad inside a deep shadow of blue decorating the depths of the ocean Ocean, a song sung by Cold reminding me I will never get her back Was she ever mine to begin with Never... no matter how much I want her to be or do I I don't know I was so sure before but I'm so full of doubt and weary that her spell has subsided and I cascade down a single thread of my lowly spider web but I'm not weaving lies I'm weaving a message that says I love you but I don't expect to be answered I don't expect comments I don't expect for these words to make any sense I just feel so low It all just hit me at once but this is just one thing I'll never tell her I don't want her to think I'm pathetic I don't want her to think of me differently I...I don't know I'm just... Well did I expect...