Victory

I look for words to describe this grief, But the pain is just too deep, Must I do what I have always done, Pretend it's not as bad until the pain is all gone, Or is it really as painful as I think?, Am I overthinking everything?, What if I looked at it from a new perspective?, What the darkness tried to steal, God healed through rejection, I never wanted to ever leave you, but I knew I had to, Your healing meant more to me than the love we hung onto, I knew in those moments God was leading me to leave, I also knew God was also healing me, As painful as it was for me to walk out that door, I did everything I could for you, I could do no more, I promised you forever, that I would never leave, And the truth is I kept my promise, just not physically, I hold on with my heart knowing I loved you more, I sacrificed everything just to see you cured, I could not bear to lose you to death, As you refused to get help over and over again, I knew if I left you would have no choice but to go, It felt like a knife in my chest to let you go, I questioned everything about myself before I walked out the door, The constant prayers and tears, I can't be selfish Lord, So now I sit in silence, and pray for you to see, Because I know that God is healing you.. this is victory not defeat.