Vedge Bad

I do not like asparagus That rooty shooty plant And you won't really care, I guess About this silly rant Its stems are pulpy, woody-like Its tips have tiny spades That look for all the world, to me, Like mini hand grenades. I've tried to cook it many ways And give it proper lovin' I've boiled and steamed and creamed and braised And shrunk it in the oven. My daddy used to buy it canned And put it on his toast I fancied him a true gourmand And to my friends I'd boast But, now that I'm a very cook (I've tried each recipe) I've tasted all, and by the book, But it gives me smelly pee.