Vacation

Swirl,
this girl,
thoughts twirl,
unfurled in my unconscious state.
I find *tranquility,
this, my great escape from life,
from everyday strife.
This girl,
my caramel swirl,
head rested on my chest.
Her lavender* fragrance*,
of sheer eloquence*,
providing the most dulcet* of dreams.
wafting* whispers* of bliss*, a splendor*.
Unconscious, I can still hear her lilting* 
screams for me...
Spooning with me,
as I awaken from my REM sleep...
I no longer feel bleak...


For Linda Marie's contest.....
Name withheld

devotionrhyme

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Just That Archaic Poet

Date: 2/18/2014 12:55:00 PM

I really think you've got mad skills my friend. Your rhyme here is also a little askew and jagged but easily fixed. I am adding you to my favorite poets; you have impressed me today with your talent. If you ever want specific feedback on a certain piece, just ask (but I'm not help with anything non-rhyme, unfortunately)

Date: 5/21/2010 6:34:00 PM

This is the ultimate vacation! Your caramel swirl. Spooning and screams....WOW! Congratulations on your winning in this contest. I loved reading every word. Scarlett

Carol Sunshine Brown

Date: 5/21/2010 5:50:00 AM

Congratulations Jared on your win in the contest "Viva Vacation" sponsored by Linda-Marie. Love, Carol

Charmaine Chircop

Date: 5/10/2010 10:55:00 PM

Congratulations on your placing Jared.. Well done dear friend..Charma

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 5/6/2010 5:22:00 PM

Congrats Jared on your 10th place win in my Viva Vacation contest.. an amazing write ..appreciate your support... luv.. Linda-Marie

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/5/2010 4:27:00 PM

Hey, Jared, I just was thinking with this poem of yours called Vacation. Have you entered Linda's vacation contest yet. this is not the standard vacation she is talking about, but it would be a new "twist" to it! thanks so much for your comment. Glad to know you liked what I came up with. LUv, andrea ps It was not as hard as I imagined once I got started. I used to write tritinas, the concept is the same, just longer.

Sue Mason

Date: 5/2/2010 3:08:00 PM

Interesting title ... it caught me off guard with the spooning ... smile ... wonderful writing and hope you do well in the contest if it hasn't already finished ... I can't keep up with all this busyness here at the Soup ... LOL ... hope you are enjoying warm and wonderful spring days!!

Sara Kendrick

Date: 4/24/2010 8:47:00 AM

Great write that should be a winner...I haven't looked to see who the winners are...Keep the creative pen flowing.Sara

Lucinda Bulger

Date: 4/15/2010 11:48:00 AM

I am on vacation right now yet I guess not ENJOYING myself near enough...haha... taking a road trip with Matt later this fall, I'll make up fer it!!! :) I really enjoyed reading your work today, just dropped in for a moment. Time is limited..ha yeah right, just enjoying all the r&r I am FINALLY getting, it's really beautiful here this time of year :) Have an awesome day!!!!

Constance La France

Date: 4/12/2010 7:47:00 AM

You used all the words in a very awesome way.. best of luck in the contest.... love constance

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 4/10/2010 10:56:00 PM

You have done a wonderful job using Andrea's words for your entry Jared. This conjurs mysterious imagery in my mind. Aloha, Connie

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 4/10/2010 5:12:00 PM

Good luck in Andrea's contest .. excellent use of her beautiful words.. luv.. "Sweetheart"

Charmaine Chircop

Date: 4/10/2010 8:57:00 AM

I love this Vacation tuned Jared. .these dulcet dreams,I wish you more dreams filled with cadbury girls,toffee ones too,the ending brought a smile to my face. .name witheld till cont. Is over,lol.Romantic poem,sweet and fun,id love to see it amongst the winners:).Those asteri* leaves me curious!great write dear friend,going to my fvs-Charma:)