Used To

When did I grow to become so numb inside Death and disaster surround me Yet I feel nothing trust me I tried Have I grown so hollow that I no longer feel at all? I see the fear n sorrow in others While their pain seems so big mine seems so small My heart used to carry such a heavy load I felt so much It felt like it could explode I wore my heart on my sleeve Until one day it stopped feeling Or that’s just what I want to believe I used to cherish everyone and hold on too tight But now I barely notice Something isn’t right I used to cry with intense pain Overwhelming emotions That almost drove me insane Now the tears no longer fall from my eyes I no longer hide behind a mask Living in disguise I just stopped caring about it all I used to be there to catch them And now I could care less if they fall I used to have bonds I felt would never break But I let them all go And it didn’t even ache I used to worry about what others thought and put myself last But now I could care less It’s all in the past Memories which once haunted me I stopped thinking about What once made me furious No longer holds clout The people I loved most are no longer here Why can’t I cry for them Not even one tear? I used to engulf myself with insecurities and stress I fixated on the smallest things But I suddenly stopped caring less n less Is it that my subconscious chooses to protect me from the pain which almost took my life? Is that why I now wear heavy armor Which protects my back from the knife Those who once accompanied me one by one dwindled away I let go of each one of them Decided I liked it that way