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It starts in the pit of my stomach this burning fueled by hurt and anger I feel it move up into my chest like an explosion ready to happen. I don't know what it is but this time I just stay silent If I allow this beast out of me it'll create havoc Here's what I did before: I let it come, I would scream at the top of my lungs-crying, throwing whatever was in my way, in my sight-object, animal, person, I didn't care Then what I did angered me even more so I would reach for the only thing I knew would calm me down stop the chaos-the closest razor blade or sharp object I could find. And I would cut & slice & stab, stab my arm again & again. And I'm still crying but this time I'm crying out of relief, because all of the pain has gone away. But now that familiar isolation, paranoia, rationalizing, justifying my actions as if I were using is eating at me once more. That is what I did before. This time, I wrote about it instead.