Unthinkable

There are words choked up in my throat Words I greatly long to say to you… But nothing leaves my mouth—my heart… You are too far away to hear them anyway Yet somehow…I still can’t say it to myself I miss you dearly every waking moment To every dream-filled slumber in the night Instead I hold everything inside Letting all of my frets and woes hide… Yet they always somehow seem to seep through Without a doubt the ones I care about most Shy away from me…still somehow they knew I am breaking and aching so bad tonight Sometimes I long to end it all… And I wonder if you’d ever know… How much the sadness seeps through… Producing melancholy delight to the viewers And sometimes fright to significant others So much pain in my heart that just wants Someone to know…and yet still closes Lasting in the uncertainty of your presence Leaving me in shadows of burning cravings What I miss most is your delightful smile The way you seemed to end all of my discomfort In a twinkling of your constant spring, green eyes The way you always seemed to know what to say To break the silence of my disclosed tonsils My awkward frame and my faltering smiles You made me real in humor and laughter Pulling me into your realms of philosophy I never wanted it to end right then… But now, without you…I just… Want to end it all—I want to grab a pistol And shoot my brains out! I don’t want to live in this diseased mind I would rather die than complain in lines But what I choose is the unthinkable And I wouldn’t give myself up to add to Anybody’s sorrow…anyone’s tears Death and grieving will linger I couldn’t die right now knowing so many I love… would break I still can’t help imagining my funeral And seeing you there… It‘s only a thought…please don’t freak…