Unnamed
Constantly shaking on edge feel at risk
My insides feel like they got caught up in a whisk
The aches and pains that define my days
Take over my life in so many ways
My bowel does not like me
My legs and hips moan;
'When will you please, just rest me at home?'
Yet when I lie there so ready for sleep
All cuddled up and fall in a heap
The slumber I pray for takes me by surprise
As adrenaline runs through me
No rest for tired eyes
Finally rested, the dreams start to take me
So half an hour later the demons will wake me
Yet again the cycle begins
All I need is more sleep
To help recover my limbs
My body a wreck, feels like it's hungover
Remembering times when the drink won me over
Nowadays it's a cola just to keep me awake
No one believes what a sad girl I make
My neck is so heavy my arms made of lead
Who knew how hard it could be just to hold up my head
My wrists start to shake as I continue to type
This 'illness' is dreadful so where's all the hype?
Little research, hardly a supporter
Who will help me and then fix my daughter?
As I sit here feeling sorry and guilt for my moans
Those GP's with 'wisdom' sit high on their thrones
Disbelieving and misunderstanding
Not believing I sometimes can't even stray from my landing
Some days it's too hard, too much to bare
I feel hurt from my toes to the end of my hair
'Get yourself out there, do more exercise!'
'It's all just down to the size of your thighs'
So hydro I did and physio too. I lost even a stone and strengthened too
Yet 18 months on - so I should be strong?
Better i should feel, yet it all still feels so wrong
Panting and huffing and sweating at night
I get through another week coz I put up a fight
Why do I still feel so incredibly 'wasted'?
Did I do something wrong that must have been hated?
Appreciate I have so much for to live
But energy no more do I have to give
Leave me here to lie and sleep
Feel sorry for myself and continue to weep
Bring me tramadaol my wheat bags and water
I must motivate to show I can move for my daughter
Every day I keep going keep trying
But If I said I was happy I'd probably be lying
Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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