Unnamed

Constantly shaking on edge feel at risk My insides feel like they got caught up in a whisk The aches and pains that define my days Take over my life in so many ways My bowel does not like me My legs and hips moan; 'When will you please, just rest me at home?' Yet when I lie there so ready for sleep All cuddled up and fall in a heap The slumber I pray for takes me by surprise As adrenaline runs through me No rest for tired eyes Finally rested, the dreams start to take me So half an hour later the demons will wake me Yet again the cycle begins All I need is more sleep To help recover my limbs My body a wreck, feels like it's hungover Remembering times when the drink won me over Nowadays it's a cola just to keep me awake No one believes what a sad girl I make My neck is so heavy my arms made of lead Who knew how hard it could be just to hold up my head My wrists start to shake as I continue to type This 'illness' is dreadful so where's all the hype? Little research, hardly a supporter Who will help me and then fix my daughter? As I sit here feeling sorry and guilt for my moans Those GP's with 'wisdom' sit high on their thrones Disbelieving and misunderstanding Not believing I sometimes can't even stray from my landing Some days it's too hard, too much to bare I feel hurt from my toes to the end of my hair 'Get yourself out there, do more exercise!' 'It's all just down to the size of your thighs' So hydro I did and physio too. I lost even a stone and strengthened too Yet 18 months on - so I should be strong? Better i should feel, yet it all still feels so wrong Panting and huffing and sweating at night I get through another week coz I put up a fight Why do I still feel so incredibly 'wasted'? Did I do something wrong that must have been hated? Appreciate I have so much for to live But energy no more do I have to give Leave me here to lie and sleep Feel sorry for myself and continue to weep Bring me tramadaol my wheat bags and water I must motivate to show I can move for my daughter Every day I keep going keep trying But If I said I was happy I'd probably be lying Victoria Payne