Unintelligible Communication - Who/What/Where/When/Why/How?

How can you say the things that make me want to scream? How can you hear the words that make me want to cry? Why does my life feel like a constant cliche and why are you content to care about a creature who cares about nothing at all? i said i had lost my priorities but i know i just finally realized what they are: "wallowing in self-imposed misery" ranks first and manipulation and selfishness come in a close second and third if there is much difference between them at all. Can you tell that i'm out of words? all i can do is scream and cry sigh at life's inevitability about the mess that is me and i wish sometimes that i could let go float on the flow of my tears and waters that teem with my screams swim and actually get somewhere. i try to return to the past but my creative juices have fled watered down by time and repetitive experiences and this is new but not so much so that there's anything more to say that hasn't already been said. i've related to you the over-used lines i seem to spill at these times don't be surprised if i am reduced to repeating 4 words: "what do i do?" 'cause that's all it comes down to. i write because it feels like something accurate -- and that still effects deeply and intensely -- might come out the next time or the next time when really i read over my old poems and realize i've exhausted my supplies of deep, intense effective poems and all that's left is just chicken scratch. i don't want to am not able to write anything more all i can do is lay my head on the naked pillow and hope that i won't rise or if i do i won't be me. i can write the words that make me want to cry i can write the things that make me want to scream but how you can say and hear i'll never know 'cause i've gone far beyond the realm where that is a plausible possible option but here i can retreat to and "fire at will from behind my hideout of faux-i-don't-care". and as i write i realize that that is the one thing i can say that is utterly true because i am sorry and there's nothing i can do to change that.