Undone

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For the 'Pick-A-Title, Vol. 41' Poetry Contest

Sponsor: Edward Ibeh

Date: Feb. 1, 2024

He's left me. I'm coming undone -
like linen on a spinning wheel
much in need of still being spun.
Half-cloth, I'm feeling unreal.

In need of completion, I'm lost.
He's left me. I'm coming undone.
as if to brusque winds I've been tossed.
i seek a sweet breeze. There are none.

His touch, like the warmth of the sun,
is gone. Only blackness i see.
He's left me. I'm coming undone.
Dark waters are swallowing me.

He gave me no cause for mistrust.
Vibrant was i when we'd begun.
But now I am turning to dust.
He’s left me. I’m coming undone.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2024



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Date: 2/11/2024 11:16:00 AM
This is sorrowful but beautiful. Your words elegantly expressed a great deal of heartache. Amazing poem, Andrea.
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Date: 2/11/2024 5:53:00 AM
Congratulations on your win in my contest with this emotionally raw, powerful write, Andrea. Really well done!
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Date: 2/9/2024 10:13:00 AM
Such sorrows when love departs. I'm mostly glad that this is fiction, Andrea. Congratulations on your win! btw I answered your question on my Paper Kingdom, I hope you come back by, it's interesting how it completes the full circle.
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Date: 2/3/2024 8:08:00 AM
This expresses grief in an poignant way. OMG, I've used the same word as Joseph May below....but it's a perfect description of what you've done here. I am thinking the feeling you generate here could apply to loss of many different kinds. That is a striking accomplishment. Identification of the arrows to the heart.
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Date: 2/2/2024 10:57:00 AM
A poignant write Andrea, sometimes things start out vibrant and then it goes wrong
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Date: 2/2/2024 4:37:00 AM
this iz probably the most...nope, i'm sure uv it; this iz the most melancholic write i've read! Great work dear poet! Sneaky you, your title pulled me in...now i'm gonna have to write sum luv'n tuh rinse this awesome write right outtuh my head :] much love vooman ')
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Date: 2/2/2024 12:43:00 AM
It's exquisite Andrea. The first stanza, is absolutely breath taking...
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Date: 2/1/2024 6:10:00 PM
Dear Andrea, Oh, the ache of heartbreak and the unraveling of self. You describe emptionally a picture of loss and longing. Even in the midst of darkness, there's strength in acknowledging your feelings and your poem does just that. Blessings, Daniel
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Date: 2/1/2024 5:50:00 PM
You did this form well. An enjoyable read!
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Date: 2/1/2024 5:41:00 PM
Great write, Andrea. The question you asked on my pome It’s in Charles Messina contest
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Date: 2/1/2024 4:52:00 PM
That would make a good country western song if you added a dog somewhere. :-) Seriously, good entry for the contest Andrea. The repetition was good for emphasis. Have a great day, my friend. Bill
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Date: 2/1/2024 11:31:00 AM
The flow in this one is really good.. Nice idea for the contest and the meter is really good..
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Date: 2/1/2024 11:12:00 AM
Ah dear andrea i just posted a dark quatern too but i was too lazy to rhyme: you rhyme so effortlessly! I just love this! Especially “ dark waters are swallowing me” and “ But now I am turning to dust. He’s left me. I’m coming undone.” Soul hitting really! You are such a brilliant poet! I admire your way with words truly! Best wishes for the contest
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Date: 2/1/2024 10:58:00 AM
Wonderful piece. Great imagery. Heartfelt and moving.
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Date: 2/1/2024 9:53:00 AM
Nice emotional poem. Best wishes for contest.
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Date: 2/1/2024 9:07:00 AM
This is such a heartfelt and emotive write, dear Andrea.. You've expressed the vulnerability and fragility with a profound depth..so many soul-stirring feelings have been knitted intricately within this quatern.. When love fades and vanishes to oblivion, nothing, but ashes remain..an exquisite take for the contest. Sending many best wishes and light to you..
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Date: 2/1/2024 8:46:00 AM
There are more fish in the sea. (a Maltese poem). Your poem is beautiful for the emotions you evoke and the use of a metaphor for a spinning wheel. Hugs.
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